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trying something new for discipline

Posted by on Dec. 4, 2017 at 11:53 AM
  • 15 Replies
2 moms liked this

Stealing the idea and making it my own from a friend. When her kids (her and her dh have 8 between them, 3 of which are trips and 1 is autistic, all under one roof ages 10-17) misbehave (mouth off, fail to complete task, fight with each other etc) she assigns them points. They cannot do anything (friends, electronics, tv, read etc) until the points are cleared. The points get cleared by completing tasks on the point recovery chart. 

Things to work off points

wipe off all switch plates

wipe off baseboards in _____ room

take a broom to dustwebs on ceiling

bleach daycare toys (she runs one in home)

scrub inside of fridge

organize pantry

organize coupons

dust all lampshades

wipe down cabinet doors

clean under sofa

straighten bookshelf

dust picture frames in ______ rooom


You get the idea. Now, I am not handing out points but if you fuss at me when asked to do something (pick up your jacket, your turn to empty dishwasher etc) they have to pick something from the extra chore list to do as well. Last night ds9 was asked too load the dishwasher after his sister cleared and rinsed the dishes. He had a fit. Told him he had an extra chore. He fussed how mean I was, told him he had 2 extras. Long story short, it took 5 extra chores before he finally shut his mouth. 

by on Dec. 4, 2017 at 11:53 AM
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mjande4
by Platinum Member on Dec. 4, 2017 at 11:57 AM
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I have seen this method before. While it probably can have some positive outcomes, which is great, in my opinion there are way too many steps involved to achieve sustainability.  Assigning points is great in theory, but it tends to die off if it becomes to cumbersome and with multiple kids there is just no way it won't.  At any rate, good luck.

CheerioHolder
by Member on Dec. 4, 2017 at 11:58 AM
3 moms liked this
I like the idea, except I wouldn't do it for complaining. For me, so long as my kids do what I ask, I don't care whether they complain about it or not. They're entitled to their feelings.

I know every child and family is different though, so whatever works!
RaeMarie
by on Dec. 4, 2017 at 12:32 PM

My friend has made it work well for over a decade. Of course, she is a super duper organized person. You should see her chore charts! Yikes! I go cross eyed just tryign to read that thing. LOL

Quoting mjande4:

I have seen this method before. While it probably can have some positive outcomes, which is great, in my opinion there are way too many steps involved to achieve sustainability.  Assigning points is great in theory, but it tends to die off if it becomes to cumbersome and with multiple kids there is just no way it won't.  At any rate, good luck.


RaeMarie
by on Dec. 4, 2017 at 12:35 PM

It isn't simple complaining and it is a behavior I have had more than enough of. If you are asked to do something, just do it already. Not everything is up for discussion. My ds especially mouths back in a very disrespectful tone. In this case the discipline draws a straight line to  the behavior I want changed. I swear my ds will spend 3 hours running his mouth about doing a job that would have literally taken 3 minutes if he had just done it when asked. 

Quoting CheerioHolder: I like the idea, except I wouldn't do it for complaining. For me, so long as my kids do what I ask, I don't care whether they complain about it or not. They're entitled to their feelings. I know every child and family is different though, so whatever works!


M4LG5
by on Dec. 4, 2017 at 12:42 PM

I wouldn't be able to sustain it.  I go with the "When you _____, you can_____." 

If they don't want to do whatever I tell them, then it's "oh....then I guess you are not going to______." 


Kmary
by Member on Dec. 4, 2017 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this
This is just my take; some people are into that stuff and it works for them. But I donโ€™t do overly complicated stuff like that. We just use natural and/or logical consequences. And I donโ€™t punish for complaining. Feelings are allowed. The best ways to decrease complaining are by modeling and ignoring. Complainers want a reaction, even a negative one.
wakymom
by Ruby Member on Dec. 4, 2017 at 6:17 PM

Good luck- hope it works for you.






 

coala
by on Dec. 4, 2017 at 6:30 PM

I actually use roughly that same list for paid chores for my kids.  I do like the idea and I think that we could adapt that to fit our home.

Right now mine have lost access to their tablets and tv because they are ignoring the things I have asked them to do.  I'm not sure how long I will hold out on them, but I'm tired of asking 3-4 times before a task gets completed.  While dad was gone for 4 weeks, they did everything the first time they were asked and then went over the top to a better job than they normally would.

Khooks
by Jessica on Dec. 4, 2017 at 9:31 PM
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I started a similar thing. My son recently picked up the bad habit of backtalking/yelling/being disrespectful. I made a jar with a bunch of the consequences and stopped engaging in his power struggle. When he does it I say get something out of the jar and it gets done. It seems to be working. Before this my go to punishments were no electronics and early bedtime, but they are losing their weight. He seems to take it more seriously now he has the possibility to get extra work.
Lynn750
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2017 at 3:13 PM
2 moms liked this

   I think it's a great idea!

   Darn my well-behaved kids!  Nothing would ever get cleaned around here!  LOL!

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