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Bullying at school-Need advice

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2018 at 11:05 AM
  • 7 Replies

Hello everyone,

I am in need of advice from my fellow mom with kids in elementary school. My son is in 5th grade and had told me there was a kid who was verbally bullying him and calling him "gay" "faggot". I told him to ignore this kid and just walk away but this kid was relentless and kept calling him names. This went on for months. Last week, they were at the lunchroom and this kid shoved him and cussed at him, then told him and my son's other friends that when they get to middle school, they will kick their ass. I have finally had it with this kid. My son already told his teacher and this kid was pulled out from the lunchroom. The school has already started an investigation because of the threat that my son and his friends received. 

Now, my concern is that it might backfire. I am worried that this kid will keep tormenting my son. I am afraid that once he gets to middle school next school year that this kid might really hurt him because this kid has friends and older siblings in middle school. Now I am second guessing myself if we really did the right thing reporting him. The school said that once they're done with the investigation, they will recommend actions and submitted to the school board for approval. I have yet to hear the actions of the school.

I know we did the right thing reporting it, but I am just worried for my son that he might be tormented even more and the buly might retaliate against him. 

Advice will be appreciated. Thank you.

by on Mar. 6, 2018 at 11:05 AM
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by Platinum Member on Mar. 6, 2018 at 12:34 PM

Fifth grade is tough.  The kids think they are "all that and more". You did the right thing.  It's documented, there are witnesses, and a paper trail.  If the kid pulls anything else towards your son and/or his friends he will most likely be suspended or expelled.  Because of the nature of the wording, he can be charged with sexual harrassment.

by on Mar. 6, 2018 at 12:41 PM
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No real advice but empathy and understanding. My dd was severely bullied in 6th/7th grade. We went to the school. We filed police reports. The bully just got worse and worse. We pulled her out of school and put her in k12. It still didn't stop. Finally we moved. 

Here my ds has been bullied on the bus by a 5th and 8th grader. My son is in 3rd. Unsure what to do since it ended so badly for my dd, I turned to my neighbors for advice. Seems the 4 kids who were being so badly bullied were standing up for each other and the other parents had no clue it was even going on. I called the principal. He investigated. The kids were pulled from the bus for 2 weeks and now have to spend the remainder of the year sitting directly behind the driver. There have been no problems since for any of the boys. 

I think in the end what made the difference was the parents. In my dd case the parents were felons, absentee and neglectful. In my ds case the boys parents were very concerned and took action themselves as well. Sadly it goes back to how parents handle it. What do you know about the bully?

by on Mar. 6, 2018 at 5:05 PM

5th grade can be a nightmare for this kind of thing but one thing you have to do for both of you is trust your instincts!  You needed to report this kid and get him stopped. Now you need to trust the school and be as calm and confident as you can be for your son (use all your acting talents if you need to). If your son and his friends are still worried when it comes time to head to middle school you can give the school administration the heads up about this boy and what he did and said and have the school you're at now pass on any info they will to keep controls on the situation. And if need be there is always the cops. But I highly suggest waiting until he has done more than voice threats to call them in. See what the school does first and keep a close eye on your son and his behavior and moods so you can get him any help he may need too.

by New Member on Mar. 6, 2018 at 5:41 PM
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Thank you all for your responses. I’ve heard from son and other moms that he’s already trouble. Apparently, there’s a rumor that his parents are in the process of divorce. This boy really comes as aggressive and been in fights at school. He was also bragging about how he beat up an older boy before.

The school just called me to let me know that he’s been transferred to a different classroom and there will be someone to watch over him in the common area if he goes near my son. They will pass on what happened to the middle school come next school year to make sure that they will be in different classes. I’m glad that the school did some action.

Thank you all, now I realized that I did the right thing. My son and his friends were happy he got transferred to a different class. I also want my son to learn from this that it is not okay to put down people to make you feel good about yourself.

Thanks again!
by New Member on Mar. 7, 2018 at 12:36 PM

It sounds like you did the right thing by reporting this situation through the proper channels.  I think it is always better to use a mediator rather than going directly to the other kid's parents. It is good that you have good communication with your son.   

by New Member on Mar. 8, 2018 at 1:22 AM
Our son is/was small in 2nd grade ( now in 4th) now almost 10 well will be end of June..and just got his blue belt in taekwondo...we put him in 2 years ago because we were tired of him being bullied so I figured the best we could do since the schools don't actually have a. No bully zone... since they are constantly protecting the bullies....was teach him how to protect himself and feel good knowing he can if ever need be....
He was bullied by an older kid alot Bigger than him and since the school didn't want to do anything I just went to the kids house and got it resolved.... I must also add he has 3 Teenage sisters that are very much momma bears. One does power lifting and (she's turning 17..hrs the youngest)would/could really hurt someone if it came down to it but we want him to have the knowledge and ability to protect himself
So my advice is if you have a child being bullied look into some classes to help them with self respect and self protection because the schools don't have time or resources when it comes down to it!!!
by Member on Mar. 9, 2018 at 3:57 AM

Always report these things. It not only alerts the school and parents of the bullies but leaves a paper trail in case you need to take legal action. 

My DD has been getting bullied for over 2 years no matter what I have said to the school, the school always swept it under the rug and saying how kids will be kids. 

It isn't that simple bullying of any sort is toxic to a child's mental health which is very important. Also, it can become dangerous in many different ways.

The bullies who are bullying my daughter pushed my daughter so hard that in Art class she drew a picture of herself, what the bullies have been saying during these 2 plus years ( Kill yourself, you are fat, go die in a hole) then went on to writing how she needed to commit suicide so that the bullies couldn't bother her anymore and was starting a plan on that piece of art.

DD is now safe and is in the children's psych ward in the hospital. She has depression which was caused by the bullying and anxiety. 

The school was putting their two cents in when the psychologist contacted them saying that DD MUST have ADD or ADHD because of lack of being able to focus. 

The psychologist noted she was indeed starring off into space, couldn't hear what was being said during those brief few seconds it happened and that she was confused after it happened. 

He ordered an EEG and MRI. The EEG showed she is having absence seizures. The MRI results haven't come back yet. 

The school has blamed me for DD's current situation but DSS did a home visit while DD is still hospitalized and found that nothing is going on in the home but at school!!

The school has yet to do anything to the bullies or even alert their parents that their child is bullying other children. 

So keep a paper trail going report EVERYTHING to the school and maybe even to a therapist etc. 

PS My DD is also in 5th grade.

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