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What Not to say to a parent when their child has cancer.

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:24 PM
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Alright Mom's I know this has happened to you and I would love to hear what else there is out there that people say to us Mom's with children with cancer.  I will start but if you have something please post.  Maybe one day we can put a pamphlet out to hand to people with the head line: WHAT NOT TO SAY TO PARENTS OF KIDS WITH CANCER.

The top of my list is:

How do you do it?  Wow really it isn't like there is an option B.  Well I guess there is but not many of us are willing to take that route.

What is yours????

by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 1:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PenelopesMom
by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 2:47 PM

Yeah, that's my favorite, too. "I don't know how you do it". I don't know, either! We just do. People can be dumb assholes without even noticing. I know they mean well and probably had no idea what to say, so I always try to be nice and I zip my lips. I have more "favorites", though...

Others include:

* Was there anything that could have been done to prevent it? (Oh, man...that one burns me up. Oh yeah, I totally saw this coming and just LET my kid purposely get cancer. You're an asshole).

* Oh, no, is that genetic? What if your other kid "catches" it, too! ("catches"? You're also an asshole, thanks for the comfort).

* You should have banked her cord blood. (And that statement helps me becauuuuuse?...asshole).

PenelopesMom
by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 2:48 PM
1 mom liked this

PS: We shouldn't put the word "asshole" in the pamphlet. Just a suggestion ;)

ptoads14303
by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:56 PM

Another one is "you should try this (blank) it worked for my dogs cancer.  Really it worked on you dog.  Lets compair a dogs cancer to a child cancer.  Sure I will drop all the chemo and try something that worked for a dog.  Get real people not helpful.

 

 

ptoads14303
by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:02 PM

I will never forget the 1st time someone asked why I shaved my daughters hair off, did she have lice or something.  Wow did that person get an ear full.  What adult in the right mind would ask something like that.  People just keep your mouth shut and keep your dumb comments to yourself.

PenelopesMom
by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 4:06 PM

OMG, lol! I'd have had to give her the silent stare-and-blink. I wouldn't know what to do with a comment like that. Lice? I wish...

Oh, thought of another one, "You know the fruit from the *so-and-so* tree in the carribean has been known to cure cancer, you should try to get some of those...

ptoads14303
by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 6:39 PM

Ha and money grows on trees too right.

mineandme
by Member on Aug. 9, 2013 at 10:15 AM
The one I hate is "he doesn't look sick" Thats good my child doesn't look sick he wouldn't be out the house if he wasn't feeling well, and just because he doesn't look sick doesn't mean he doesnt have cancer.

Oh and i've actually been asked "how did he catch it" that one just made me cry- like its just the flu and will go away in 10 days.
PenelopesMom
by Member on Aug. 13, 2013 at 11:09 AM

Oh! Along the "catch it" lines...I've gotten, "is it contagious?". One of my friends told me that with her child, a Mom at the park advised her son not to go play around my friend's daughter for fear of "catching cancer". It goes to show you how little people know about things.

ptoads14303
by Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 12:08 PM

I can honestly say I have never had someone ask me if it is contagious.  I though it was bad enough to have someone ask why I shaved my kids hair, but really people.  I really don't understand how people don't have any clue about what cancer is.  Mind you I never knew much about cancer until this, but I did know enough that you can't catch it.  I understand how a child might ask this question but not an adult. 

 

ptoads14303
by Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 12:17 PM

I have had a few friends tell me my kids are picky eaters.  And I feel horrible about the fact that both my kids have poor eating habits.  I know I don't have to explain it but I feel ashamed that I couldn't give them this one thing.  Then I have to explain to my friends that I had little choice on what to feed my child.  She was losing so much weight the doctors actually told me to let her drink half and half as her milk.  Use it in her breakfast cereal.  Add extra butter to things and let her eat what she wants when she wants it.  So in turn my son got to eat the same things as his big sister did.  Now my kids are not over weight and we have spent the last 3 years trying to turn it around, but we are back to square one.  She gets to eat what she wants and when she wants and non of it is healthy.  I know I shouldn't feel  guilty about it because the alternative is to watch her become more unhealthy because she isn't getting enough calories. 

So to the cluess people out there.  Please don't brag that your child isn't a picky eater to parents with kids with cancer. 

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