Violence is NEVER ok.

Thank you for the info! BUMP.

Here are some other indicators associated with spousal abuse (sorry if some are already mentioned above):

*The woman has intuative feelings that she is at risk

* At the inception of the relationship, the man accelerated the pace, prematurely placing on the agenda such things as commitment, living together and marriage.

* He resovles conflict with intimidation, bullying and violence.

* he is verbally abusive.

* He uses threats and intimidation as instruments of control or abuse. This includes harm physically, to defame, to embarrass, to restrict freedom, to disclose sectrets, to cut off support and to commit suicide.

* He breaks or strikes things in anger. He uses symbolic violence (tearing up wedding photos, marring a face in a photo, etc.)

* He has battered in prior relationships.

* He uses alcohol or drugs with adverse affects (memory loss, hostility, cruelty).

* He cites alcohol or drugs as an excuse or explanation for hostile conduct ("That was the booze talking, not me; I got drunk so I was crazy).

* His history includes police encounters for behavioral offenses (threats, stalking, assault, battery).

* There has been more than one incident of violent behavior (including vandalism, breaking and throwing things).

* He uses money to control activities, purchases, and behavior of his wife/partner.

* He becomes jealous of anyone or anything that takes her time away from the relationship; he keeps her on a 'tight leash', requires her to account for her time.

* He refuses to accept rejection.

* He projects extreme emotions onto others (hate, love, jealousy, commitment) even when there is no evidence that would lead a reasonable person to percieve them.

* He minimizes incidents of abuse.

* He tries to enlist his wife's friends or relatives in a campaign to keep or recover the relationship.

* He has inappropriately surveilled or followed his wife.partner.

* He resists change and is described as inflexible, unwilling to compromise.

* He characterizes the violence of others as justified.

He suffers mood swings, or is sullen, angry or depressed.

* He constantly blames others for problems of his own making; he refuses to take responsibility for the results of his own actions.

* He refers to weapons as instruments of power, control or revenge.

* Weapons are a substantial part of his persona; he has a gun or he talks about, jokes about or collects weapons.

* He uses 'male privilege' as a justification for his conduct (treats her like a servant, makes all of the big decisions, acts like the 'master of the house').

* He experienced or witnessed violence as a child.

This list is a reminder that before our next breakfast, another 12 women will be killed at the hand's of their spouse.

An abusive man will test his prey before deciding on her. A woman has to learn to say no and mean it. Our society has taught us that is not lady like to say no because it might offend. Here's a first encounter 'for instance':

Guy: Can I get you something to drink?

Girl: No, but thank you.

Guy: Oh, come on, what'll you have?

Girl: Well, I could have a soft drink, I guess.

She said no but he persisted and she caved. It became an unspoken agreement that He will drive and She will be the passenger. The real trouble comes when she tries to renegotiate that agreement.

From someone whos been there done that, the best thing that's ever happened to me was to leave.

I'm shocked that there are not any more replies to this post. I guess if we bury our heads in the sand it will all just go away....

i just put a post up asking for someone to listen and to help and since it involves some tmi could you please look at it and tell me wht i should do thank you.

No violence in my home.  No way I'd ever tolerate that.  I'll bump for you though.

Been there done that....I'll be happy to bump to get the message out!

Thank you for this post.  I wish I would have noticed the signs of an abusive relationship and left sooner.  My ex fiance was very verbaly abusive towards me and my son.  he would call me all softs of horrible names and did the same to my ds.  i was scared to leave cuz he said he would kill me and my child.  Well to make a long story short i came home from work and had a call from the local police.  my son had been taken into protective custody because the ex had tried to smother him in the carpet causing petichi eye.  it took three months and alot of visits to court and cps but i got my son back.  this was three years ago and i am so thankful that nothing worse happened.  Please, please please if you are being abused get out.  it may be hard but there are people who can help you.  don't let this happen to you because you are afraid.

Dittop to that. My dh know that the fastest why to get rid of me is to lay one abusive handv or abusive word on me or my DD. but hes a sweetheart and would never do that to begin with.

Quoting CariO.:

No violence in my home.  No way I'd ever tolerate that.  I'll bump for you though.

i always thought he was sorry and really wouldnt do it again  and then i became afraid to leave because of the threats and already abuse done, then why wouldnt he do what he says he wants to, like when he said he would punch me in the face and then do it, so when he says if u leave me i will find u and bury u somewhere where no one will ever find u...i believed him  so i was scared...untl 10 yrs later finally came to my senses and decided i was done with his bullshit and slept with a knife between my pillows waiting for the next hit or smack while i was sleeping....good thing  the one night when i said  if u leave tonight dont come back  and he didnt.....i packed n left   but if he came back that night i'd probably wouldnt be here right now...i'd be in prison or dead.   i know it's hard to leave. but i lived thru it thankfully and can answer any questions anyone has if  needed.    good post mama