is there something wrong with me!? did i do something wrong?!...sex related

girl i know what your going thru!!! i havnt had any in 16 months. the time of a deployment and my pregnancy and not seeing my dh. he just tells me he isnt ready for all that UGH WTF how can you not want to have sex with your wife!?!?!?!

i hope everything works out for you.i just gave up even trying....

I have a few thoughts. remember these are just things to consider not things to upset you.

1 you feel different after having a baby. sorry it's a fact of life your vajayjay stretched some unless you had a scheduled c-section and didn't labor at all. do lots of kegal exercises to firm up again.

2 you are a mom now. you are no longer care free and funloving.

3 if you worked before pregnancy and stay at home now then you are now his responsibility not his partner.

4 depending on his age he may be past his peak and just is no longer as interested in sex.

5 this is just a thought and I highly doubt it but you may need to consider it. did he have someone else in Kosovo? he may have been seeing someone else and the guilt bothers him and keeps him from being as playful and affectionate as he was before.

good luck mama. my advice is talk to him!

You are not alone. People get tired. The amount of sex a couple may have can change. Maybe he has a lot on his mind and is very tired. Try to talk with him again.

As long as the want to is there don't give up hope.

Think about things from his side, if it were you working all those hours would you still want to put out? One thing I have learned about men in the last 40 yrs is the body isn't always ready to follow the mind, it gets wore down and exhausted and that just isn't a priority anymore.

Some night when he gets home, or when he has a day off , run him a nice hot bath , take him to bed and give him a nice massage and let him sleep, he will sleep a lot better being relaxed and maybe just one day a week of that will help him not be so exhausted.

Have you two concidered doing things other times then just at night? maybe a quickie in the shower or something? sounds like your getting foreplay all through the day so it wouldn't be like you two  was just doing it to get off.

Good Luck and stay patient , this too shall pass.

You're not alone. My SO & I have been together for 8 years, and it's the same way, kindof. Sex used to be a lot more spontanious and fun. He still cares whether or not I get mine, but he's not as much of an active player. There have been times where I go through changes too; where I don't want it as much either. I'M usually the one who's too tired (3 kids, a F/T job, and the household). Don't forget too, men use sex as a release. That probably explains the 5 minute bit.

Maybe if you talk to him about how you're feeling, you guys can take some time out for each other. Get a sitter, go for dinner, or even just a drive... I know money's tight, but some of our best sex was when we've been parked in the car. LOL

As long as you don't think he fell for someone else while he was deployed, it's probably just a bump in the road. Hang in there, it might change.  Just remember that the only thing permanent in life is change. Let him  know that you're feeling neglected, and that you're not getting what you need out of it.  Take the upper hand of control away from him. Teasing during sex works also, I know this drives my SO wild. You can take control over when he climaxes... I'm sure you can tell when he's getting ready (wink) that's when you stop & move to a different position, or stop moving and try a different movement. Taking over and building up to a climax like that can make it really intense. He won't know what hit him. Again, things might get "different" but sometimes "different" is good. One of the other moms suggested the Kegal exercises. They're really grate at firming up your muscles, but also try them when he's inside of you.

Now we might do it less frequently, but when we do it's longer, slower, and has more of a build up & climax; where in the past it was always rushed, hyper, and intense.

Good luck.

I don't really know what to tell you.  I can't keep my DH off of me.  The evidence is in the kids! LOL However, in our house, it's probably the opposite.  I have no desire for sex.  BUT, I just had a baby in September.  But when I say I'm too tired, I truly am too tired.  Perhaps he is being honest and is just exhausted?  Good luck

I remember watching Oprah once hwere they talked about the hormonal changes a woman goes through after having a baby. They said it takes a full 3 years for your body to recover, and they also said that it it very common for women to lose their sex-drive; especially after having a baby. If you talk to your GYN, there are medications they can prscribe to help with the female sex drive as well. They just don't advertize them as much...LOL

Quoting lindseywhitaker:

I don't really know what to tell you.  I can't keep my DH off of me.  The evidence is in the kids! LOL However, in our house, it's probably the opposite.  I have no desire for sex.  BUT, I just had a baby in September.  But when I say I'm too tired, I truly am too tired.  Perhaps he is being honest and is just exhausted?  Good luck

My hubs wasnt deployed. BUt is having similar problems. I posted about it a while back.

I finally conviced my DH to go see a Dr becasue I dont think its right. He can get it up just fine...and he has NO DESIRE behind it.

But I dont get the "im too tired"excuse....My hubs actually says "I dont want too...I just dont feel like having sex"...

  Perhaps you should try initiating the sex yourself, surprise him!  Remember, morning wood is a terrible thing to waste :-) Especially if he's too tired at night. He may just need you to spice things up for him, and he'll follow suit.  If that fails, considere marriage/sex therapy.  He may not want to consent to it, but it could prove beneficial to both of you.  It may make him see how truly unhappy you really are with the sex life. 
  Know also that after such an extended time a part, he may find you to be a different person.  He has to adjust to this new person (you as a mom).  Thats hard enough to do when hes around, but coming home to it and not having to the time to slowly adjust is a minor shock to his system.  All in all, a LONG talk and a romantic night (initiated by you!) could be what he needs.  Have a friend or family member take the little one for a night. 
   Try a romantic "treasure" hunt with clues in the form of naughty notes and pieces of clothing.  Ending with you in some naughty lingerie.  Or perhaps leave him a dirty note in his briefcase or what ever else he carries to work so he'll enjoy a surprise.  Or if all else fails, Pounce on him in the morning!  He may just need a little initiative to get back in the game :-)

my situation was much different. i was married for five years to a man that convinced mei was fat and ugly and that is why he didn't want to have sex with me. he would only touch me once a month. i later came to find out that he was sleeping with other people so there was no energy left for me........i don't know your situation and i hope it is nothing like mine.but all i can say is that i can never be in a relationship that i dont feel wanted in a sexual way,unless of course it is something medical.if he is going through something medical or emotional then i'd stick by him.but my advice is find out!