Would it be neglect....

what about just taking the pull ups away? and making him clean up himself.at 4 im guessing that he can wipe his own butt! but giving him the pulls up is basicly like telling him he is still a baby and will be cleaned up like one.

Leaving him in feces is considered neglect at length.

Many kids fear, or have trouble pooping in the potty, vs. in a diaper, or pull up. Try having a countdown. Circle a day on the calender and tall him, after that day, no more pooping in our pants, no more pull ups. Reiterate to him that he is a big boy, and that he can do it, and that he will be okay. (He might fear falling in, or being flushed) When he does it...make a huge deal about it for him.

Is he maybe afraid to sit on the toilet?  Maybe he's afraid he's going to fall in or something.  I got my son a seat that sat on top of the regular seat and was more sized to his butt.  It made him feel alot more comfortable and he eventually outgrew it.  Good luck.  No, I don't think it's abuse to tell him you are no longer going to clean up his poop.  He's old enough to be expected to take care of this himself.

I never thought of it that way. He only wears them at night because he still wets the bed. We don't have a washer and dryer here so I can't wash his sheets every other day (we have two sets).

Quoting ljsmamma07:

what about just taking the pull ups away? and making him clean up himself.at 4 im guessing that he can wipe his own butt! but giving him the pulls up is basicly like telling him he is still a baby and will be cleaned up like one.

That's what he has. He's not afraid. At least he hasn't expressed fear. He just says he doesn't want to.

Quoting worktodo:

Is he maybe afraid to sit on the toilet? Maybe he's afraid he's going to fall in or something. I got my son a seat that sat on top of the regular seat and was more sized to his butt. It made him feel alot more comfortable and he eventually outgrew it. Good luck. No, I don't think it's abuse to tell him you are no longer going to clean up his poop. He's old enough to be expected to take care of this himself.

I think the calendar is a good idea, that's how we potty trained my first son.  But I don't agree that leaving him in a  soiled pull up is abuse, when he is old enough and has the understanding of how it works and has said he wants her to clean it up.  If she were leaving a child who was too young to change his own clothes it would be different, but he's old enough and obviously mentally capable of understanding. 

Quoting Blondee512:

Leaving him in feces is considered neglect at length.

Many kids fear, or have trouble pooping in the potty, vs. in a diaper, or pull up. Try having a countdown. Circle a day on the calender and tall him, after that day, no more pooping in our pants, no more pull ups. Reiterate to him that he is a big boy, and that he can do it, and that he will be okay. (He might fear falling in, or being flushed) When he does it...make a huge deal about it for him.

NOT ALWAYS

BUT issues with pooping like you are describing can be a sign of abuse, i would have your dh and his ex talk and if nothing is solved with his bathroom skills i would talk to a dr

but yes leaving it on him is a big sign of neglect

my little cousins (7+5) still do that.but as soon as he gets up in the morning take away the pull up and hide them or put them up high or something.dont give him a choice.if he poops on the floor make him (or have him help you) scrub the floor.i can understand what the other girls are saying to about him falling in and having that fear.so maybe get him that seat that fits over(we have that for our son to when we start to pt him) and maybe yall need to sit down and have a talk with hi about why he is still pooping in his pull ups cause it sounds like something he is doing on purpose to have you clean up.

Quoting Luna091306:

I never thought of it that way. He only wears them at night because he still wets the bed. We don't have a washer and dryer here so I can't wash his sheets every other day (we have two sets).

Quoting ljsmamma07:

what about just taking the pull ups away? and making him clean up himself.at 4 im guessing that he can wipe his own butt! but giving him the pulls up is basicly like telling him he is still a baby and will be cleaned up like one.

 

We tell him he's a big boy and his response is I don't want to be. lol He has a younger sister (she's two) and since she was born he hasn't wanted to grow up. We've given rewards and always make a big deal of it when he goes. He gets excited then but later goes back to not wanting to do it. UGH! I hate potty training!! And I still have another one to go through this with. I'm hoping if she gets it down he will since he likes to imitate her anyways.

Quoting Blondee512:

Leaving him in feces is considered neglect at length.

Many kids fear, or have trouble pooping in the potty, vs. in a diaper, or pull up. Try having a countdown. Circle a day on the calender and tall him, after that day, no more pooping in our pants, no more pull ups. Reiterate to him that he is a big boy, and that he can do it, and that he will be okay. (He might fear falling in, or being flushed) When he does it...make a huge deal about it for him.

If that's the case, then you just may be dealing with a power struggle.  He may just be trying to see who's in charge.

Quoting Luna091306:

That's what he has. He's not afraid. At least he hasn't expressed fear. He just says he doesn't want to.

Quoting worktodo:

Is he maybe afraid to sit on the toilet? Maybe he's afraid he's going to fall in or something. I got my son a seat that sat on top of the regular seat and was more sized to his butt. It made him feel alot more comfortable and he eventually outgrew it. Good luck. No, I don't think it's abuse to tell him you are no longer going to clean up his poop. He's old enough to be expected to take care of this himself.