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advice please--got long sorry, piog

Posted by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:29 AM
  • 6 Replies

 ok here it is, you tell me if you think I have lost my mind or if I am right to feel this way, and if you can any advice would be appreciated, even the things I may not want to hear!


I started talking to a guy recently. Thought at first he seemed nice and could be someone fun to get to know and who knows from there. Then a few bells went off in my mind and not in a good way.

1. he has three kids, not such a huge thing, but custody of none and no visitation on the 1. he has plausible reasons, but I don't trust until I can verify.--yet wants to meet my kids already and wants them to think of them as a dad... ugh we haven't even met yet, so NO!

2. he can not for the life of him remember how many kids I have, or how many brothers and sisters, or where my mom is, something we have discussed a few times now.--if he can not remember those simple things, what the use in telling more important things.

3. has a severe anger and rage even at his ex's --now this may be justified, but I can not help feeling that I would have to walk on eggshells around him, so as to not "be" compared to them. I have been down that path and it was not good for either of us, as I felt like a prisoner and do not want to ever repeat that

4. he is already saying things like, well when we are home after work, and kids are in bed, no phone calls and no visitors, it is to be about us only. you will not talk to other men at all, I don't care who they are... hello i have a brother and father and my kid dad, does that include them, or are they OK? .. that makes me think OK control freak and insecure a bit.

5. he DOES NOT get along with any of his living family members, by his own admission he has no idea if half of htem are alive, and could careless to have a new fmaily butting into his life. so he does not have good relations with his family, will he try to destroy the ones i have? will I have  to "give them up" to make him happy?

6. he does not want any woman he has to work at all ever, that way he can keep an eye on finances, and he doesn't have to worry about her being hit on.. OK I love the idea of being a stay at home mom, but that to me seems like a slave and someone who would have to ask and beg for money.

Now this came to me after speaking a few times, most of this was over a few conversations and somethig in the last comversatoin brought it all together for me, and the bells went off, they had been quietly ringing but they sounded loud and clear this time.

So i am going to cut off all communication. But, need to do so in a way that is not cruel, unless it comes that it has to be that way. I do not want to argue it out, but need to find the words that work.

I understand being angry at the opposite sex and mistrustful, but I also waited until I found peace with myself and with my ex's behavior before starting to try to date again, and it does not seem he is in any way ready for any of the things that dating a relationship entail. ugh loll Yeah as you can see I been thinking and it is not helping.

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:29 AM
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by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:32 AM

he sounds scary... i would definately cut that shit off while it's still new

CafeMom Tickers

Koko- navy wife-mommy of two- currently baking baby #3

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:38 AM

well maybe tell him that you thought you were ready but that you have been reflecting on it and have decided there are some things you need to get straight in your life before you can feel comfortable in a relationship again./..even though you have already said you are fine to us this is the "its not you its me" line only more in detail and he most likely wont get all mad because he wont feel inadequate he will think you are...which really doesn't matter as long as it gets him out of your hair without a bunch of drama lol. i have used it a few times and normally after you say it they will say "no your great really i dont see anything wrong" and then you can say "yeah well i have been keeping some stuff in and thought i could deal but i cant and it just wouldnt be fair" and then walk away ;P

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:43 AM

sound like my soon to be x husband... whats the guys name? if ya dont mind me asking?

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:43 AM

Stop all comunication. He sounds scary and controlling and mean. 

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:44 AM

Just tell him you can't deal with it all at the moment and it is not a good time for you to start dating. He sounds like a creepy pig. (no offense)

by on Oct. 12, 2009 at 12:46 AM

thankfully no he has no idea where I live only the city name and I am not listed in any directories. I am cutting off all. I wanted to be sure I wasn't just making mountains out of molehills, and knew you smart ladies would be the ones to help. thank you and trust me, I do not want to start anything with a guy like this nor do I want my kids around it 

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