Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

7 year old girls "Playing doctor"

Posted by on Oct. 13, 2009 at 10:26 PM
  • 15 Replies

My 7 year old DD has suddenly become a lot more modest. I was not worried at first, she wants more privacy when changing and wants to do her bath all by herself. I figured it is a good thing, all part of growing up and just gave her the privacy she asked for.  Well tonight she went to put on her pj's and she told me she doesn't want to even see her own privates! I told her I want her to be comfortable with her own body and that there is nothing wrong with her privates. She told me she knows that but she just is embarassed by her own privates anyway and doesn't even want to see them herself.  RED FLAG!  I sat down with her and asked her if there is something that happened to make her feel this way.  Does someone look at or touch her privates?  She told me her friend that lives across the street, (also a 7 year old girl) sometimes plays games with her that involve taking off thier clothing.  She was looking scared and ashamed. I gave her a hug and told her I am soooo proud of her for telling me this. I told her I want her to always feel safe to tell me about ANYTHING that makes her uncomfortable.  I then added that I don't want her to play games with anyone that involve taking clothing off.  I told her it is not a good game to play and that I was going to talk to her friends mom and that we would have to make sure that they do not play those games anymore.  She seemed to be feeling a little better. She asked if she can tell dad about it too. I told her yes but I wanted to be with her when she did, (to make sure he doesn't over react).  We told her dad together about it and I let him know what my reaction was, trying to cue him on how to handle it. He just said "okay." 

Well I went over to talk to her friends mom but they are not home. I plan on talking to her friends mom about this ASAP.  I am concerned about what else I should say or do about this. Obviously supervise the girls while they play more closely. (I tend to be a lot more strict and supervise close when she is playing with boys, guess I have to do this with girls too?)

She is obviously effected by this, since she has become uncomfortable with her body. I don't want to minimize but I also don't want to over react.  I am not sure what else I need to do?

by on Oct. 13, 2009 at 10:26 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
CVislosky
by on Oct. 13, 2009 at 10:32 PM

I don't know what you should do. I have a son and he is only 3 months. My only thing to tell you is to keep talking to her. Let her know that her body is normal and there is nothing wrong with it. Too many girls aren't comfortable with their bodies. 

mna_823
by Gold Member on Oct. 13, 2009 at 10:38 PM

  Wow, tough one momma.  I'm no sure what I would do honestly.  I think that you handled it great when your daughter let you know what was going on.

  I guess just let that woman know what DD told you, I probably wouldn't have the talk with DD there though.  That way if the woman goes nuts or something she doesn't start yelling at your daughter or something.  Other than that I'm at a loss.  Good luck.

Susan262
by on Oct. 13, 2009 at 10:49 PM

Real touchy subject.  I would think that through carefully.  Hopefully the mom won't come unglued.  She will probably be very defensive so be cautious how you approach this.

canegirl0700
by on Oct. 13, 2009 at 10:58 PM

I think you handled the situation very well especially when you applauded her for coming to you with this, because now she knows that she can trust you. I think I over supervise my kids playdates but I think you just cannot be too careful now a days. I agree with a PP that you should not have DD with you when you go to talk to the other parent, and to be on guard in case she hits the roof. My DD is 8 and my DS is 4 there aren't many kids around where we live and she just doesn't have any close school friends so I don't have to many kids over to play for those reasons. I do tell my children often though that they can tell me anything even if someone told them not to, and even if they are scared. I also talk to them regularly about their bodies being private. So I applaud you momma I think you did good.

AprilD32
by on Oct. 14, 2009 at 6:57 AM


Quoting canegirl0700:

I think you handled the situation very well especially when you applauded her for coming to you with this, because now she knows that she can trust you. I think I over supervise my kids playdates but I think you just cannot be too careful now a days. I agree with a PP that you should not have DD with you when you go to talk to the other parent, and to be on guard in case she hits the roof. My DD is 8 and my DS is 4 there aren't many kids around where we live and she just doesn't have any close school friends so I don't have to many kids over to play for those reasons. I do tell my children often though that they can tell me anything even if someone told them not to, and even if they are scared. I also talk to them regularly about their bodies being private. So I applaud you momma I think you did good.


Thanks. I talked to her friends mom on the phone last night. I just told her that I found out that the girls were playing games that involve taking clothing off. I didn't go into the details of Adriana's discomfort or anything that might put her on the defensive. I told her that I told Adriana that games like that are not okay and asked her if she would talk to her daughter about it too.  I told her that I was trying to stay real calm and not over react because I want Adriana to be comfortable to talk to me about things like this. (I was hopeing she would get the idea to stay calm about it when talking to her daughter, without me trying to tell her what to do.) I said, I am sure it is innocent on thier part, but I don't want the girls to think its okay and to play these types of games with other people, know what I mean?  Her friends mom was very suprised by the situation, said it never occured to her that the two girls might play that way. I told her I was just as suprised.  She said she will have a talk with her daughter too.

I am still worried about my daughter, she woke up in the middle of the night and seemed a little shaken. I tried to talk to her but she wasn't responding as if she was actually awake. It was like she was sleepwalking or something?  I took her back to her bed and tucked her in and sat with her for a while. I am worried there is something else? Something she hasn't told me about yet?

canegirl0700
by on Oct. 14, 2009 at 8:41 AM


Quoting AprilD32:

 

Quoting canegirl0700:

I think you handled the situation very well especially when you applauded her for coming to you with this, because now she knows that she can trust you. I think I over supervise my kids playdates but I think you just cannot be too careful now a days. I agree with a PP that you should not have DD with you when you go to talk to the other parent, and to be on guard in case she hits the roof. My DD is 8 and my DS is 4 there aren't many kids around where we live and she just doesn't have any close school friends so I don't have to many kids over to play for those reasons. I do tell my children often though that they can tell me anything even if someone told them not to, and even if they are scared. I also talk to them regularly about their bodies being private. So I applaud you momma I think you did good.


Thanks. I talked to her friends mom on the phone last night. I just told her that I found out that the girls were playing games that involve taking clothing off. I didn't go into the details of Adriana's discomfort or anything that might put her on the defensive. I told her that I told Adriana that games like that are not okay and asked her if she would talk to her daughter about it too.  I told her that I was trying to stay real calm and not over react because I want Adriana to be comfortable to talk to me about things like this. (I was hopeing she would get the idea to stay calm about it when talking to her daughter, without me trying to tell her what to do.) I said, I am sure it is innocent on thier part, but I don't want the girls to think its okay and to play these types of games with other people, know what I mean?  Her friends mom was very suprised by the situation, said it never occured to her that the two girls might play that way. I told her I was just as suprised.  She said she will have a talk with her daughter too.

I am still worried about my daughter, she woke up in the middle of the night and seemed a little shaken. I tried to talk to her but she wasn't responding as if she was actually awake. It was like she was sleepwalking or something?  I took her back to her bed and tucked her in and sat with her for a while. I am worried there is something else? Something she hasn't told me about yet?

I would maybe sit her down and try and see if there was actual touching going on. It is almost like she is traumatized in some way ya know? Tell her that even if someone told her not to tell that it is OK to tell you because you just want to be sure she is safe and its not her fault and you won't get mad. If she won't talk to you maybe call her pedi and ask their advice.

I am glad the other mother took it so well, but it still seems like there is something going on with your DD.

AprilD32
by on Oct. 14, 2009 at 4:24 PM


Quoting canegirl0700:

 

Quoting AprilD32:

 

Quoting canegirl0700:

I think you handled the situation very well especially when you applauded her for coming to you with this, because now she knows that she can trust you. I think I over supervise my kids playdates but I think you just cannot be too careful now a days. I agree with a PP that you should not have DD with you when you go to talk to the other parent, and to be on guard in case she hits the roof. My DD is 8 and my DS is 4 there aren't many kids around where we live and she just doesn't have any close school friends so I don't have to many kids over to play for those reasons. I do tell my children often though that they can tell me anything even if someone told them not to, and even if they are scared. I also talk to them regularly about their bodies being private. So I applaud you momma I think you did good.


Thanks. I talked to her friends mom on the phone last night. I just told her that I found out that the girls were playing games that involve taking clothing off. I didn't go into the details of Adriana's discomfort or anything that might put her on the defensive. I told her that I told Adriana that games like that are not okay and asked her if she would talk to her daughter about it too.  I told her that I was trying to stay real calm and not over react because I want Adriana to be comfortable to talk to me about things like this. (I was hopeing she would get the idea to stay calm about it when talking to her daughter, without me trying to tell her what to do.) I said, I am sure it is innocent on thier part, but I don't want the girls to think its okay and to play these types of games with other people, know what I mean?  Her friends mom was very suprised by the situation, said it never occured to her that the two girls might play that way. I told her I was just as suprised.  She said she will have a talk with her daughter too.

I am still worried about my daughter, she woke up in the middle of the night and seemed a little shaken. I tried to talk to her but she wasn't responding as if she was actually awake. It was like she was sleepwalking or something?  I took her back to her bed and tucked her in and sat with her for a while. I am worried there is something else? Something she hasn't told me about yet?

I would maybe sit her down and try and see if there was actual touching going on. It is almost like she is traumatized in some way ya know? Tell her that even if someone told her not to tell that it is OK to tell you because you just want to be sure she is safe and its not her fault and you won't get mad. If she won't talk to you maybe call her pedi and ask their advice.

I am glad the other mother took it so well, but it still seems like there is something going on with your DD.

I have been telling her all her life to tell me anything and never keep secrets from mom. I told her yesterday I was proud of her for telling me.  I don't know what else I can tell her right now.

night.magic
by Chicken Nugget on Oct. 14, 2009 at 4:30 PM

There might be a deeper issue with the neighbors child. Could there be things happening in their home to make that child so aware of removing clothes in your daughters presence? I would not allow my child to hang out over there again.Think this through before addressing your neighbor, you might also want to be aware she may flip out on you.



__^__

JasonsMom2007
by on Oct. 14, 2009 at 4:38 PM

Honestly, I would seek counseling for your daughter.  Maybe there was some inappropriate touching as well?  My friend's daughter was touched inappropriately by the girl she was going to adopt.  Needless to say she called off the adoption because she had to protect her daughter.  Her daughter still has issues and this happened 2 years ago.  She is terrified of public restrooms.  She gets frequent UTIs and has accidents because of her fear of any restroom.  This did NOT happen in the bathroom either.  She is just now in counseling and her mom is considering putting her on meds for panic attacks.  Given she has other issues as well (she was abused the first 2 years of her life and then abused by a foster parent before my friend adopted her) but I would rather see your daughter get the help she needs and it be nothing than for it to progress like it has for my friend's daughter.

By the way, I think you handled it very well.

 














canegirl0700
by on Oct. 14, 2009 at 6:41 PM


Quoting AprilD32:

I have been telling her all her life to tell me anything and never keep secrets from mom. I told her yesterday I was proud of her for telling me.  I don't know what else I can tell her right now.

From what you are saying though with the way she is acting I think there is more to it than just the nakedness. JMO.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)