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i had a thought last night and want to test my theory (please at least vote)

Posted by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:29 AM
  • 15 Replies

 

Poll

Question: PLEASE READ MY THEORY FIRST

Options:

Little or NO experiance was in an abusive relationship as an adult.

Little or No experiance and was NOT in an abusive relationship as an adult

had Plenty of experiance and was in an abusive relationship as an adult

had plenty of experiance and was NOT in an abusive relationship as an adult

well...you know...other :)


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 99

View Results

so my thought and theory goes like this.

i have noticed a pattern.

please not i am in NO WAY saying that this is the way for EVERYONE.

but it seems to me that a great deal of women, who end up in an abusive relationship, had little to no experiance with dating as a teen.

so please if you would, vote so i can test my theory?

 

Little or No experiance = had one boyfriend all thru highschool, or only a very few short term boyfriends.

had plenty of experiance=had several short or long term boyfriends thruout young life before adulthood.

 

by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
melimommy
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:35 AM

I voted other because I was never in an abusive relationship, but I experienced my mom being in one with my dad and that was a MAJOR factor as in how I choose the men I did date. (I ran from drinker, manipulators, and controllers, etc.)  I never really had a serious boyfriend until I met the SO when i was 23. I am now almost 30 so it is working out so far...lol

MissiHampt
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:36 AM

Guess I'm an "other."  Only abusive relationship I was ever in was as an older teen.  And as soon as he showed his violent side, I was gone.  Prior to that I'd only had one serious long term relationship and one shorter one, so I guess at the point I would have been inexperienced. 

Missi....loving wife to Jason, mommy to Ricky (1-12-05), and soon to be mommy to Logan Douglas (due Feb 2010).  I'm a cloth diapering, baby wearing, breastfeeding till baby wants to quit, homeschooling, non-circumcising, anti-cry it out, part time working, animal loving, trashy romance novel reading, farm raised hillbilly.  I have had Meningitis and Swine Flu and lived to tell about it.  Any questions?

Aislinn
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:37 AM

 In my experience, that is not true. I find that is when they started getting hit and loosing their self esteem and it spilled over into adult hood.

audriesmommy
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:43 AM

I did not have a boyfriend until I was 21.  I was too focused on school and my career goals.  Because my parents instilled such a great sense of self worth in us I never was willing to settle.  There was one guy that I started talking to but he became so attached so fast.  He also was too overly affectionate.  He said one thing that was harsh and then tried to apologize and say that he just cared about me so much and blah blah blah.  I never talked to him again.  Later I heard that he abused the girlfriend he got right after me. 

devasmom
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:44 AM

DH aunt has been with her husband since she was 13 years old. HE abused her then and continues to abuse her now. When DH grandparents tried to step in, she ran away with this guy, came back pregnant and then after the baby was born, left with him again (this all happened in the late 70's). She has left him many times and always goes back to him. She no longer communicates with her family and has asked everyone to leave her alone. We have no idea where they live now. She didn't even know when her mother passed away. She came around a few years later to see her mom and had to be told she had died. It's sad, but at the same time, she has a huge group of people that are here for her and she refuses to let anyone help her. This includes several brother's, and nephew's all of which could do some serious damage to her husband. Anyway, she has never been with anyone but this guy, did not come from a home where there was any sort of abuse. It's strange to me that anyone would choose to stay in this situation especially when they have people to turn to.

of 6of 3 beautiful girls

zianneaaliyah
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:46 AM

My husband was/is my first serious relationship and no abuse. 


reelo
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:50 AM

I didn't date much in high school or college but I picked a winner.  We've been happily married and together for 14 years now and he would never lift a finger against me and has nothing but respect for me.

But I had parents and more importantly a dad who showed me that I was worthy of someones respect even as a child, they made sure I had self-esteem and self respect and that I knew what I was looking for in a future mate.

 

   

MandyOs
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:52 AM

It's possible. But I think those who come from abusive families themselves (dad abused mom) are the most likely to be in an abusive relationship. That is what they know to be "normal."

But your theory could also be a reason!

audriesmommy
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:54 AM

I actually think the opposite.  The girls that did not date much usually are the ones who are more picky and are not concerned about needing a boyfriend.  They would rather be single than date anyone just to say they had a boyfriend.  It is the girls who could never be alone that I believe are the most likely to be abused.

Luna091306
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 11:56 AM

I had boyfriends throughout middle school, junior high, and high school. After I broke things off with my long term high school sweetheart I entered an abusive relationship as an adult. I actually think your theory is backwards. Women who enter abusive relationships are usually co-dependant in some way so they have to be in a relationship at all times. They NEED a boyfriend to feel complete. At least that's how I was.  


"Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings, who don't have all the answers, to think they do."


~ The Dems and the Reps remind me of my kids ~

One is always pointing out the bad things that the other is doing in hopes that I don't notice all the bullshit he is trying to get away with...


I'm not fooled by my own kids and I'm not fooled by Politicians.

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