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i need to get this off my chest

Posted by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:16 PM
  • 26 Replies

so i need to finally get this off my chest. i feel horrible and a failure for feeling like this, which would be why none of my personal info will be shared. if this gets ugly ill just delete it. im not asking to be bashed or called names so keep it to yourself.

i had my oldest when i was 18. my whole pregnancy i didnt know what to do and his "father" was never around. i just didnt feel much love for my baby. i hold him, kiss him, will do what i can for him..but there are times where i want to scream and kick him. he doesnt listen to me at all. my husband (father of my second) can tell him to do something and he will listen 90% of the time. sure he could be acting like a "normal" 3 yr old but with him i just dont care if its normal or not. there are times where i dont want him even calling me mom without me getting mad. ive said to my husband before i love my youngest more than i do my oldest, and i really feel like thats true. if i could i would hold him all day long and kiss him(youngest). i dont get angry towards him. hubby and i didnt meet until my oldest was already 1. that first year i was on my own living with my parents. he does things like destroys everything the second i get it clean, will wake his brother up on purpose when i finally get him to lay down, sneaks food and climbs onto my counters to get to more food. i have to lock my bedroom and bathroom doors so he wont get in there and mess with something. i cant get teething drops for my youngest without him getting the container and dumping it every single time no matter where i put it. when he goes to my mil's for a day or two i dont miss him. there are times she will have him for almost a week and i dont care. if im mean to my oldest i try to make it up to him by cuddling with him or make him something special, then he will do something to make me mad again. i need help, i know i do, but admitting to someone that i want to hurt my son isnt easy for me to do

by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:19 PM

Wow.. you really do need to talk to someone, especially if you REALLY wanna hurt him!!!!

by Platinum Member on Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:19 PM

Admitting to someone that you WANT to hurt your son will be easier than telling someone you DID hurt your son.  Find yourself a good therapist ASAP, and if you have to maybe let him stay with his grandma for a while till you can get a handle on things.

by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:19 PM

I'm really sorry you're going through this.  Have you been to counselling?  I think if it were me, I'd give that a try....

Missi....loving wife to Jason, mommy to Ricky (1-12-05), and soon to be mommy to Logan Douglas (due Feb 2010).  I'm a cloth diapering, baby wearing, breastfeeding till baby wants to quit, homeschooling, non-circumcising, anti-cry it out, part time working, animal loving, trashy romance novel reading, farm raised hillbilly.  I have had Meningitis and Swine Flu and lived to tell about it.  Any questions?

by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:20 PM

You might be having these feelings if you have bad emotions towards your oldest's father?? Either way, you need to contact a psychologist or somebody and get help. If that doesn't help, maybe you should give your oldest up to someone who can give him the love and attention he deserves (not trying to bash) I think some sort of mental help will be beneficial. Sounds to me like your 3 yr. old is only doing what normal 3 yr. olds do. Good luck!

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by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:21 PM

My advice..get off of cafemom and call your pediatrician, your doctor, if you are active in a your religious point is you need help with your feelings about your son. Cafemom users can't help you with this...good luck to you and your son..

  Team Santa~

Who I am as a mom can not be expressed in a paragraph. It is expressed by who my children will become.

by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:22 PM

Wow, well from experience I know that you do feel differently toward each child.  I have four kids and they are all different people.  I love them all though so much, just differently, if that makes sense.  If you truly have no bond with him and lack the maternal connection, he will feel it and grow up with issues because of it.  We all deserve our mothers love and affection.  I know this sounds terrible but have you considered adoption for him?  There are people who would do anything for a child and give him all of the love and affection in the world.  Also, sometimes we go through times where we don't necessarily always feel loving and caring.  Maybe you need to talk to a counselor or something and seek some professional help.  Good luck, and please think outside of yourself here.  It is your son's best interest you need to consider.

by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:25 PM

I am so sorry you are going through this.  This is nothing to play around with, as you are aware of.  I am seriously suggesting you contact your local mental health facility.  They can help you with counseling, etc. and can help evaluate your son for any needed intervention.  Please, please, please contact them.  My heart goes out to you.  You are thinking of what is best for your son or you would not be writing this.  Please seek help.  I'm here if you need to chat.



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by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:25 PM

Admitting it even to yourself is a good start.  I believe most, if not all, moms have moments that they wish they could drop kick their misbehaving toddler. I adore my kids, but god knows that I relish the breaks that I get from them. Please seek help somewhere.  If it is a financial issue that would prevent you from seeing a therapist, there are local agencies that you can go through that offer a sliding fee scale or even free services.  If you are not comfortable talking to a stranger like that, please email me... I know I am a stranger but without the face to face, it may be easier for you.  I will be happy to talk to you and be a cheerleader when you need it. Are there any family members you could talk to about all of this?  I cannot say it strongly enough.... PLEASE get help now.  It sounds like you know that you are on a slippery slope and do not want to cross a line that cannot be uncrossed.  I am here if you need me... Good Luck, Momma.

by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:28 PM

Your oldest is acting up for attention.  he needs your love and attention, so he is trying to get your attention either bad or good. Try to show him as much love and attention, spend quality time with just him, take him out to the park, or to eat, and you will see a difference. Now that he has a brother, it is hard for him to understand your and your babies relationship, he might be feeling jealous and just acting up because he is not the center of attention anymore.

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by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 6:29 PM

My recommendation was the same as everyone else, I would seek some help,  I bet you could turn it around w/some help.   Good luck to you!

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