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Lets start them early... **FRIDAY FUNNIES**

Posted by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:15 PM
  • 13 Replies

I need a pick me up so I though we should start Friday Funnies early!!!!

Keep 'em coming!!!!

*Do not PRAY for easy lives. PRAY to be stronger. Do not PRAY for tasks equal to your powers, PRAY for powers equal to your task.*
~Phillips Brooks~

by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
schunmom
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:16 PM

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees,
I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had  been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't  twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied,
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,
I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work
.

*Do not PRAY for easy lives. PRAY to be stronger. Do not PRAY for tasks equal to your powers, PRAY for powers equal to your task.*
~Phillips Brooks~

mirandas_mom
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:18 PM

This may or may not be considered funny by some.. but I thought it was ..

 

Kierri
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:26 PM

 I'm not a cat freak.. just found these first

Naegore
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:30 PM


Quoting schunmom:

 

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees,
I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had  been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't  twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied,
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,
I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work
.

laughing

It is neither safe nor prudent to do anything against conscience. My conscience is captive to the Word of God. -Martin Luther

4kidz916
by on Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:38 PM


Quoting schunmom:

 

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
a good find for many retirees,
I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,
Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had  been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't  twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied,
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,
I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work
.

After the day I've had I needed a good laugh and I got it with this reply.  That sounds just like something I would say in that situation.

larissacst
by on Oct. 30, 2009 at 10:39 AM

Bump!!! this is the 1st group I come to on Friday morning....c'mom make me laugh!!!!! 

Brooke1212
by on Oct. 30, 2009 at 2:43 PM

bump



 

schunmom
by on Oct. 30, 2009 at 5:34 PM


Quoting Brooke1212:

bump


mna_823
by on Oct. 30, 2009 at 5:38 PM
You Gotta Love this!
Mule - Check this out.
Curtis &Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next morning the farmer drove up and said,
"Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

Leroy said, "We shore can!  Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly  grocery store and asked.
"What'd you fellers ever do
with that dead mule?"
They said,"We raffled him
off like we said we wuz gonna do."

Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."

The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

They're overseeing the Bailout Program.
twitchymom78
by on Oct. 30, 2009 at 5:42 PM

lol  that is great


Quoting mna_823:

You Gotta Love this!
Mule - Check this out.
Curtis &Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next morning the farmer drove up and said,
"Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."

Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

Leroy said, "We shore can!  Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly  grocery store and asked.
"What'd you fellers ever do
with that dead mule?"
They said,"We raffled him
off like we said we wuz gonna do."

Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."

The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

They're overseeing the Bailout Program.


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