S/O----MIL post

Replies:

• 
• by
  • sgeorge0505
  on Nov. 5, 2009 at 10:04 AM

• The main thing a mother in law needs to do is stay out of the marriage and learn to give advice only when asked for it. Remember you don't have to like the girl your son marries but you do need to love him enough to not let him see that you don't like her. But with all this worry i think you will make a great mother-in-law. I truly believe that my MIL could care less what i think of her and that is why she is the dragon lady!!
  

  Johnathan Junior 04/17/08
  
  Johnathan and Sarah 05/05/07
  

  
  

• 
• by
  • myfoursonsks
  on Nov. 5, 2009 at 10:36 AM

• I do want to have a good relationship with my DIL's since I didn't have any daughters myself.  I just hope they are good people so it isn't too difficult.
  

  Quoting sgeorge0505:
  
  

  The main thing a mother in law needs to do is stay out of the marriage and learn to give advice only when asked for it. Remember you don't have to like the girl your son marries but you do need to love him enough to not let him see that you don't like her. But with all this worry i think you will make a great mother-in-law. I truly believe that my MIL could care less what i think of her and that is why she is the dragon lady!!
  

  
  

• 
• by
  • serioussifL
  on Nov. 5, 2009 at 10:42 AM

• She let me know she was always there if I needed her... but she kept on letting me know, which made her seem overbearing. She followed through with her word though and has helped us out a lot.

  I think one very important thing to remember is to separate yourself- be a MIL to your son's wife, and be a Grandmother (Not a mom!) to their kids. I hate it when my MIL [indirectly] tells me that some things I do as a parent arent good choices (erf and delaying solids, to mention a few) or is out of date with new research (like breastfeeding is birth control). Grandmothers are there to spoil their grandbabies, and mothers are there to guide their babies through life.

  I am a breastfeeding, pro-choice, vaccinating, Turbo Jamming,
  disposable diaper using, cio sometimes, cat loving, dieting, married
  and love my husband Army wife and mom.  www.myspace.com/serioussifl  Check out my music!

• 
• by
  • Luv_my_hubby
  on Nov. 5, 2009 at 10:45 AM

• I have the BEST MIL.. She had only son's. I get along with her better than my own mom. She is well loved by both of her DIL's.

  • She doesn't interfere in our husband/wife relationship.
  • She usually only gives advice when asked.
  • She knows her boys are no angels and that we are not perfect DIL's either.
  • Never criticizes her DILs housekeeping.
  • She cut the apron strings years ago.
  • She doesn't tell us how to raise our kids..she said that's our job and she just gets to spoil them.

  I have to say I hope one day I can be all these things to my future DIL's.

  
  
  

• 
• by
  • reelo
  on Nov. 5, 2009 at 10:49 AM

• I adore my MIL, actually, all 3 of us DIL's love her.  She has gone out of her way to make us feel welcome in the family from day 1.  She had an interfering MIL herself, so she knows how it feels and always tries to go the opposite.  She is always respectful and has always gone out of her way to get to know all of us.

  The biggest thing is respect.  It goes both ways.  I respect her as my husband's mom and as a very good woman and she respects me as her son's wife and the mother of her grandkids.
  

  

   

     

• 
• by
  • happy2gether5
  on Nov. 5, 2009 at 10:54 AM

• Her body language.. you can tell that I was not accepted and I am still not. She loves to roll her eyes at me when I say something or makes condescending comments. She likes to give me a phony smile. She sighs when she walks through my door after I greet her.

  If you want your children to be a big part of your life and see your grandchildren you must be accepting make her feel like she is an important part of the family... treat her as if she were your own. Make her feel wanted and never make her feel like she is "the odd man out".
  

  When I walk into her door I don't get greeted. They make me feel as if I never walked in the room... as If I don't exist. That is the worst feeling in the world ... which makes me want to turn around and walk right back out the door.

  I have never done anything that I know of in which I feel like I have done anything to deserve this treatment ... I wish I knew.
  

  
  

• 
• by
  • sophistcatdfury
  on Nov. 5, 2009 at 10:56 AM

• my MIL has 5 boys. she is also a miserable, uneducated trashy ass cunt, which you are not. it is normal for a girl to prefer her mother, so don't take offense when your DIL spends a lot of time with her mom. also, if you want your grandchild to spend time over there, provide a healthy enviornment (quiet place to nap w/ a pack&play) and get some stuff for the baby (infant seat, exersaucer, bottles, ect) oh and don't be a stupid bitch.
  

• 
• by
  • myfoursonsks
  on Nov. 5, 2009 at 10:58 AM

• Can a MIL give advice in a manner that she doesn't seem to be forcing her opinion you think?

  I am pretty opinionated, but I don't feel like I force my opinions onto people.  I have a relationship with my sister that is more like a mother/daughter relationship with me being the mother.  Her husband called me the other day about some issues and he thanked me for how I have treated them.  He said that even though I give advice and my opinions on certain matters, I never judge them for the decisions they make in the end.  He also said they know that I only give my opinions because I care and want the best for them and that is obvious.  He also thanked me for all the times I have helped them. He appreciated the fact that I am the type of person to help out the people I care about and will never bring it up again or hold it over their heads.  I help because I want to, not because I want something out of it.

  I am hoping the way that I am translates well to my DIL's.  I would never want them to see anything I do as being negative towards them because that is just not me when it comes to things like that.
  

  Quoting serioussifL:
  
  

  I think one very important thing to remember is to separate yourself- be a MIL to your son's wife, and be a Grandmother (Not a mom!) to their kids. I hate it when my MIL [indirectly] tells me that some things I do as a parent arent good choices (erf and delaying solids, to mention a few) or is out of date with new research (like breastfeeding is birth control). Grandmothers are there to spoil their grandbabies, and mothers are there to guide their babies through life.

  
  

• 
• by
  • TheTaoOfKim
  on Nov. 5, 2009 at 10:59 AM

• I would have appreciated my MIL a lot more if she weren't so outwardly against me and DH relationship from the beginning. She went so far as to tell me she didn't have to like me and if I expected that I would always be disappointed. While I anticipated earning her respect I never had the opportunity because of her quick, snap judgements early in our relationship.

  We were together for 2 1/2 years when we became engaged. After treating me like dog shit for the previous years she welcomed me to the family. Like I wanted to be a part of their lives after she had gone out of her way to be hurtful and spiteful for 2 years. (( eye roll )) She truly expected me to forgive and forget and move on. That was/is impossible.

  My best advice is to be nice to your son's g/f's because you don't know where it will go. You may not like their choices and they may change their minds. You may not like their choices and they may be in love. You may LOVE their g/f's and they may break up. In the end, consider only your son and his feelings and know that too much animosity may make the future you have with your son difficult. 

• 
• by
  • TheTaoOfKim
  on Nov. 5, 2009 at 11:01 AM

• 
  

  Quoting myfoursonsks:
  
  

  Can a MIL give advice in a manner that she doesn't seem to be forcing her opinion you think?

  I am pretty opinionated, but I don't feel like I force my opinions onto people.  I have a relationship with my sister that is more like a mother/daughter relationship with me being the mother.  Her husband called me the other day about some issues and he thanked me for how I have treated them.  He said that even though I give advice and my opinions on certain matters, I never judge them for the decisions they make in the end.  He also said they know that I only give my opinions because I care and want the best for them and that is obvious.  He also thanked me for all the times I have helped them. He appreciated the fact that I am the type of person to help out the people I care about and will never bring it up again or hold it over their heads.  I help because I want to, not because I want something out of it.

  I am hoping the way that I am translates well to my DIL's.  I would never want them to see anything I do as being negative towards them because that is just not me when it comes to things like that.

  Until your son is engaged or married the only opinions I would give would be to your son, that is unless you find you have a good bond with potential DIL
  

Only group members can reply to this post.

Join Group