So my husband and I have had a great marriage. We have been together for 11 yrs, married for 7. We have both had some pretty serious mess ups in the past and now we are doing great, or so I thought. My husband just recently admitted to me that he is having issues with porn. He had repented and asked me for forgiveness, which I gave. I know he feels horrible and wants this out of his life. I have a really hard time coping with the fact that he might want someone else. He insists that it doesn't have anything to do with me, but I can't help feeling bad about myself. I just had a baby 5 1/2 months ago and my body isn't the greatest right now. I know he loves me, but I can't help feeling like I'm not good enough. Has anyone else been though this?
Go to this site...they have free resources as well. They are Christian bases and if you contact them they will help you. I know people who have been helped by their programs...either in their home or men in the resident program.
http://www.purelifeministries.org/
I can understand your feelings ecspecially since you just had a baby. I am christian we attend a baptist church and we've been church goers all our lives. We also have been married for 10 years and together for 11. So all that being said Im going to say this...I watch porn with my husband. I honestly dont feel bad about it and I dont want him to either. Its something that we do together. Its all in the way you see the issue. 9 times out of 10, men wanting to look at porn has nothing to do with the wife. Its seeing other girls naked. Not that it matters what girl...just its a naked girl. This is going to be a horrible analogy. But its like looking at ugly sweaters, you dont want it you arent going to get it..but you still have to look at it. Thats just my 2 cents. If you worry alot about him wanting someone else..dress up a little sexy and be dirty for him. Just because you are christian and following God's way doesnt mean you cant do some pole dancing every now and then!! If ya'll have been together for 11 years you know he loves you :)
I would suggest locking down the computer so that he is not able to access the porn. I know he isn't a child but if he truly is addicted then consider it an intervention.
I would also suggest him talking to someone. I would also suggest that you speak to someone as well. It is obvious that it is bothering you and you can only move forward if you address all issues.
You may also want to consider spicing things up in the bedroom..see if that helps.
Of course, I'm not Christian so you have no interest IMO but it gave you a bump anyway.
I think the best thing you can do is hold him accountable. Ask him questions and stuff, check in with him on a regular basis to see how he's doing with avoiding porn. My husband has had some issues with it as well, and its not about me at all... its something that he struggled with before we married, and had really worked past, but slips up occasionally. Realizing how easy it is to access, and how bombarded we are with sexual images can help you understand what's going on a bit. No matter how he was raised, there's probably always been some form of temptation to indulge in sexual fantasy around... be it friends in jr. high and high school, what have you. So while he realizes he needs to deny this, and it only hurts you, its probably still difficult to deal with. Pray for him and with him, and keep him accountable. You could also suggest having him talk with another male that he looks up to spiritually about it.
my dh used to look at porn also makes me feel like im not pretty enough i dont believe thats the issue its just men are still human and have flesh desires that satan puts in their heads. i am realizing i need to quit placing my self worth in my hubbys hands and start placing it in my heavenly fathers hands because when all is said and done its better to be made to feel worthy through jesus because he is our key to our salvation . if you need any advice not that i know any or need to chat message me god bless you!
Quoting akataml:
I dont need to be a christian to tell you that its not about you :).
This. Be glad he came to you about it. He wants to work on it with you. Don't fret.
Grape bubblegum-loving, late-deafened adult with three hilarious and beautiful little breastfed, extended rear facing, public-school attending girls. Stop reading now. I love pizza so much I want to marry it, remember who shot J.R. and where Mork was from. I mean it, stop reading. I don't hear voices as much as I hear rounds of applause and take a bow in the middle of a sentence. I root for the Steelers and the Crimson Tide and I toot for the beans they make me do so. You're really bad at following directions. I read lips and know some sign language. Yes, that one, too. I'm a homogenized milk drinking, lactose tolerant, recycling, casserole making mom with a special place in my heart for Stephen King and Jim Henson. I believe in the boogeyman and have danced with the devil in the pale moonlight. I support polyesbianism, my motto is "the more the merrier". I believe all people are created equal but some are just more fun to be with. I have only lived in Iowa and Wisconsin and I love corn and cheese. I've never tipped a cow more than 15%. If you've made it this far, you clearly have enough time on your hands to read it again.
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on Nov. 5, 2009 at 4:10 PM