CALLIN ALL MAMAS WHOS DH/SO/BF, WHATEVER, ISNT AROUND MOST OF THE TIME!!! Kinda long but you gotta know the whole story!

Replies:

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• by
  • dennis7
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 10:54 AM

• wow! that is soo sad..

  I know the aggrevation tho.. my husband is in california and i'm all the way in indiana.. But our son is 4 months old.. not old enough to understand. Gosh i dread the day when I have to see my son in tears. I'm so sorry.. wish i could give ya advice cuz i know these feelings. Hope someone can come by that will give ya good advice!

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• by
  • 4armycuties
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 10:56 AM

• The best thing I can say is just hug him and tell him that mommy and daddy love him very much. As soon as you can talk to your hubby, have him say the same thing. Has your husband talked to the Chaplain? Sometimes they have grants for this type of things. Also, have him see about an AER Loan. It's through the military and they deduct the payments out of his pay. It's nothing to hard to live with from what I hear. Good luck on all of it!

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• by
  • kaidansmylife
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 10:56 AM

• Thank you, its just hard because ive always been so good with knowing what to say, and im lost on this one!!
  

  Quoting dennis7:
  
  

  wow! that is soo sad..

  I know the aggrevation tho.. my husband is in california and i'm all the way in indiana.. But our son is 4 months old.. not old enough to understand. Gosh i dread the day when I have to see my son in tears. I'm so sorry.. wish i could give ya advice cuz i know these feelings. Hope someone can come by that will give ya good advice!

  
  

  

  
  

   

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• by
  • kaidansmylife
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 10:59 AM

• Thanks! I will have him tak to the chaplin! i didnt figure anyone could help the last we heard no one would because he was "stationed" there even though he was deployed! We already have one of those loans comming out! He had to get one when my car broke down and my son needed $200 meds that tricare wouldnt cover because it couldnt be generic!!
  

  Quoting 4armycuties:
  
  

  The best thing I can say is just hug him and tell him that mommy and daddy love him very much. As soon as you can talk to your hubby, have him say the same thing. Has your husband talked to the Chaplain? Sometimes they have grants for this type of things. Also, have him see about an AER Loan. It's through the military and they deduct the payments out of his pay. It's nothing to hard to live with from what I hear. Good luck on all of it!

  
  

  

  
  

   

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• by
  • mrs.will
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 11:00 AM

• I know how you feel with being constanly aprat from your spouse. 'We've been through 4 deployments. I would suggest if you want this marriage to work get to Colorado with your husband. I will never be apart from my husband unless the army says I cant ie: deployments, training... Tell your husband to get an AER loan that will be enough to get you down there and moved get your name on the housing list also that will help out with money depending on what your BAH is and what you can find off post it may be better in the long run to stay on post.  Once your there focus on your marriage and takle the debts little by little. I know its stressful but if you guys are a united front things will get better.

  As far as your son. Since hes in training theres nothing you can do.Maybe have your son color a bunch of pictures or do a craft and take a trip to the post office. I made a big deal about care packages with my kiddos. They loved it. They each got to put an item in and we all went to the post office and mailed it off to daddy. Then when he got the packages he'd show them on the webcam as he opened it and make a huge deal out of it. Maybe try that.  You could make videos and take pics for daddy too and have your husband do the same for ya'll.

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• by
  • luvingrl
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 11:02 AM

• sorry you are going through this, my husband works out of town too, he is gone ALL the time, he just comes home every few months to visit. I dont know how you are gonna be able to explain to the little one about daddy, at that age they just dont understand WHY. Life is complicated and a 3 year old is going to have difficulty understanding the complications of it.

  Maybe you could show him a picture of daddy each day. Once daddy is out of training you could use skype. that's what we do when my lil one gets to missing daddy a lot.

  As for the money issues, I totally understand. I am in charge of our finances and Im trying to pay off debt, save for cars, save for savings, prepare for a layoff AND christmas. It is hard to juggle all that. Maybe you need to make out a budget and show him where the money has gone. Men (some) who dont handle the money daily, who go out to earn said money, tend to think there should be piles of it laying around. I had to make a budget and show it to my dh.

  Good luck.

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• by
  • mrs.will
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 11:03 AM

• I just read that you guys already have an AER loan out so maybe just plan to use tax refund money to get you out there. Good luck to you :)

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• by
  • Susan0805
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 11:03 AM

• Where there is a will there is a way... you could have dh go to family support and tell them the situation .. or he can go to his 1st ssgt and they can help him find a way to get you there. Why cant you drive there? We could afford to buy a new car and sell our old one so we both drove to our next duty station. Plus have you lived on base? Because if so they will move you onto base for free. Maybe leave some of your things at your parents and only take neccesities in your car until you get settled in and then go back and move it... cant your parents or a relative with a truck help you move? If you want your family to be together you will exhaust every option. - sorry if this sounds a little rude but I see women do this to military guys all the time and I see how heartbroken and upset they are when they talk about their spouses/fiances and each time I talk to them their so has made different excuses why they wont come be with them. It breaks my heart!As a military spouse you have to sacrifice alot but you do it for your family!
  

                     

  ~*~ Proud mommy to Hannah and taylon & wifey to bobby! ~*~

  
  

• 
• by
  • kaidansmylife
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 11:15 AM

• I didnt think it was rude, and you are right, but i have tried EVERYTHING, i cant drive cus my car wont make it (it got backed on top of by a school bus, and it went down hill from there!) Im supposed to be getting some money out of that, but the lawyers keep one more monthing me!!! (had to get a lawyer cus the district didnt want to pay, luckily my uncle knows cars and could make it at least go again!) We havent lived on base cus he deployed directly after AIT so we didnt move, then we were stuck! Its not that i dont want to be with him, because id kill to be there with him, i would! Im not worried about our marriage we have been threw way way worse then this, its just hard, i know nothing will happen to US as a couple, i just want to make it easier for my son to understand! I really do appreciate all your advice and i will have him talk to family support (i didnt even know there was one of those to be honest, i dont know much) and maybe see if they cant help! thank you soo much! Its not that im makeing excuses, and i truely hope it doesnt sound that way, its just that, nothing, and i do mean NOTHING is going our way! we just cant get ahead not even a little and every time we do BOOM something else happens that puts us up that creek without a paddle again!!
  

  Quoting Susan0805:
  
  

  Where there is a will there is a way... you could have dh go to family support and tell them the situation .. or he can go to his 1st ssgt and they can help him find a way to get you there. Why cant you drive there? We could afford to buy a new car and sell our old one so we both drove to our next duty station. Plus have you lived on base? Because if so they will move you onto base for free. Maybe leave some of your things at your parents and only take neccesities in your car until you get settled in and then go back and move it... cant your parents or a relative with a truck help you move? If you want your family to be together you will exhaust every option. - sorry if this sounds a little rude but I see women do this to military guys all the time and I see how heartbroken and upset they are when they talk about their spouses/fiances and each time I talk to them their so has made different excuses why they wont come be with them. It breaks my heart!As a military spouse you have to sacrifice alot but you do it for your family!
  

  
  

  

  
  

   

• 
• by
  • kaidansmylife
  on Nov. 7, 2009 at 11:40 AM

• Bump! Please, no one knows how to explain this to my baby? im not asking for him to fully understand i know that wont happen i just want to mend his broken heart! All the otherstuff can wait!!! (the other stuff in my post that is)

  

  
  

   

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