HELP! he wants to tell ds that he smokes pot...
DH gets MEDICAL marijuana. He says he doesn't want to lie to ds as he gets older (13 months now) and tell ds that he doesn't think that pot is bad or a drug and that he smokes it. Furthermore he wants to not "lie" to him about santa, the easter bunny, tooth fairy ect... I don't know how to get it through to him that this is NOT OK with me! I agree with having open drug talks, but not condoning any, as ds gets older like middle school, I also don't think that he should ever be high around our son, dh thinks that this is "who he is" (a pot smoker) and he won't be the same person without it. I also want ds to have the magic of santa and the others in his life for as long as possible. Ideas/ opinions/ advice ladies?
you two need to reach a compromise. like still doing santa, easter bunny etc, but not making your child actually believe they are real. for example, we did all that when i was a child, even though i knew it wasnt for real. it was just for fun.
as far as the pot smoking, i wouldnt really 'do' anything. just kinda see what happens. if your child grows up and eventually notices DH smoking, he wont think anything else of it. it will be 'normal' to him, and hopefully wont look like 'drug use' or a negative thing, but rather 'self-medicating' or slight recreation (if he uses recreationally too) kinda like having ONE or TWO beers in front of your child, not a whole pack. same thing with the pot. if DH is feeling sick and needs a quick smoke, fine, now if he sat down and smoked a huge blunt and got really high and stupid around your son, thats different. it is what you make it. it can be looked at as a helpful and positive experience, or you can make it look 'bad' and 'dirty'.
mo i dont like pot even for medical reasons and (highlight in blue) that he can always be the same person and he doesnt need pot to be someone! but thats mo
about santa i would tell him what you feel is best.... to me im telling my kids that santa is real!
this is just mo
DH gets MEDICAL marijuana. He says he doesn't want to lie to ds as he gets older (13 months now) and tell ds that he doesn't think that pot is bad or a drug and that he smokes it. Furthermore he wants to not "lie" to him about santa, the easter bunny, tooth fairy ect... I don't know how to get it through to him that this is NOT OK with me! I agree with having open drug talks, but not condoning any, as ds gets older like middle school, I also don't think that he should ever be high around our son, dh thinks that this is "who he is" (a pot smoker) and he won't be the same person without it. I also want ds to have the magic of santa and the others in his life for as long as possible. Ideas/ opinions/ advice ladies?
this exactly.
Quoting ready_for2:
you two need to reach a compromise. like still doing santa, easter bunny etc, but not making your child actually believe they are real. for example, we did all that when i was a child, even though i knew it wasnt for real. it was just for fun.
as far as the pot smoking, i wouldnt really 'do' anything. just kinda see what happens. if your child grows up and eventually notices DH smoking, he wont think anything else of it. it will be 'normal' to him, and hopefully wont look like 'drug use' or a negative thing, but rather 'self-medicating' or slight recreation (if he uses recreationally too) kinda like having ONE or TWO beers in front of your child, not a whole pack. same thing with the pot. if DH is feeling sick and needs a quick smoke, fine, now if he sat down and smoked a huge blunt and got really high and stupid around your son, thats different. it is what you make it. it can be looked at as a helpful and positive experience, or you can make it look 'bad' and 'dirty'.
That's what I think too, but he has an addictive personality and in his eyes pot has become so ingrained with who he is that he can't/ won't give it up
Quoting AlyssaMommy2008:
mo i dont like pot even for medical reasons and (highlight in blue) that he can always be the same person and he doesnt need pot to be someone! but thats mo
about santa i would tell him what you feel is best.... to me im telling my kids that santa is real!
this is just mo
DH gets MEDICAL marijuana. He says he doesn't want to lie to ds as he gets older (13 months now) and tell ds that he doesn't think that pot is bad or a drug and that he smokes it. Furthermore he wants to not "lie" to him about santa, the easter bunny, tooth fairy ect... I don't know how to get it through to him that this is NOT OK with me! I agree with having open drug talks, but not condoning any, as ds gets older like middle school, I also don't think that he should ever be high around our son, dh thinks that this is "who he is" (a pot smoker) and he won't be the same person without it. I also want ds to have the magic of santa and the others in his life for as long as possible. Ideas/ opinions/ advice ladies?
that's good, I'm worried about when ds gets to the "dare" program and his teachers and everyone else are telling him that it's bad.. what do we do if he tells his teacher "oh yea, my daddy has a pipe like that"
Quoting TheSinFamily:
this exactly.
Quoting ready_for2:
you two need to reach a compromise. like still doing santa, easter bunny etc, but not making your child actually believe they are real. for example, we did all that when i was a child, even though i knew it wasnt for real. it was just for fun.
as far as the pot smoking, i wouldnt really 'do' anything. just kinda see what happens. if your child grows up and eventually notices DH smoking, he wont think anything else of it. it will be 'normal' to him, and hopefully wont look like 'drug use' or a negative thing, but rather 'self-medicating' or slight recreation (if he uses recreationally too) kinda like having ONE or TWO beers in front of your child, not a whole pack. same thing with the pot. if DH is feeling sick and needs a quick smoke, fine, now if he sat down and smoked a huge blunt and got really high and stupid around your son, thats different. it is what you make it. it can be looked at as a helpful and positive experience, or you can make it look 'bad' and 'dirty'.
also, I don't want ds to smoke pot and I feel like he will see it as "ok" because dad does it, when he's an adult that's fine, but not in highschool or middle school.. christ, aren't we supposed to be role models!
thats whats important about raising him to know it CAN BE ok and normal. so that he will be able to think for himself, and when ppl want to say its 'bad' he will know that its not bc (if his dad is responsible) he will see it used in a 'good' and 'safe' way. about the pipe thing, lol, kids say the darndest things!! maybe DH can roll joints so it looks like a cigarette?
thanks.. I think I love you right now... I've been freaking out and you're calming me down
Quoting ready_for2:
thats whats important about raising him to know it CAN BE ok and normal. so that he will be able to think for himself, and when ppl want to say its 'bad' he will know that its not bc (if his dad is responsible) he will see it used in a 'good' and 'safe' way. about the pipe thing, lol, kids say the darndest things!! maybe DH can roll joints so it looks like a cigarette?
look at it this way, he uses the marijuana for medical reasons, just as someone with chronic pain would take a pain pill (like an opiate) for the pain. You will teach your child that abusing prescription pain meds is wrong (correct?) so the marijuana thing should be classified along with that. You have to get it into your mind and beliefs that it is for medical reasons and it will be easier to teach the same to your child.
as far as santa and the easter bunny...... dont know what to tell you.
you said your dh gets medical marijuana.. when the time comes, you should simply tell your child that his father uses it as a medicine, and that does not mean that its ok to use it any other way (he can make his own choice when he is of age, but at least you tried, right?) if this is what helps your dh, i dont think you should look down on him for "needing it" and it "being part of who he is"... is he a good person? etc? there is nothing wrong with using marijuana, and there is no reason to be ashamed or anything else.
as far as santa and all that. i can see not wanting to "lie" to the kiddos about this. maybe still let them experiance and enjoy it but let them know that they are not "real" and that the traditions are in place for family memories ... ?
good luck!!
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- gypsymama532
on Nov. 8, 2009 at 9:47 PM