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been through forced sex/rape? can you help me-- flashbacks--?

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:03 PM
  • 9 Replies

So i was raped 2+ years ago. never reported it. it was my BF at the time (we broke up about 2 years ago-- soon after it happened).

Lately, when my BF comes over, every time he touches me, its like i get flashbacks. he gave me a back massage last night, which should've felt amazing- especially since his hands are awesome with that (i swear, he should get a degree in that! massage therapy or something), and i've been so stressed out lately.. but every time he touched me, i got more stressed, more tense. every rub, every kiss. all of it. he and my son was watching gi joe and i fell asleep in my bed. he put my son to bed and got in after me. i wasnt fully sleeping, but its where you arent fully conscious of your surroundings, like you question if its real or if its a dream... but he got in bed with me and all i could think was "omg. not again. go away, please leave me alone!" not towards him-- but towards my ex, thinking it was him. 

My ex- when he raped/forced sex on me, he left-- he was going to his friend's house. i know that i locked the door after him. but i guess somehow he got the backdoor unlocked before he left. he snuck in that way, would force himself on me- knowing that i was sleeping by that time- and soon after he'd leave. he did that 2 times before i was smart enough to make sure all my doors/windows were locked after he left.

My current BF knows about it-- somewhat. he knows that i was raped, but i dont think he knows the details about it. i really dont want to bring it up with him because i feel like we've been together for over a year- why is it affecting me NOW?! after all this time?

I had already planned on going to a therapist for different reasons, but when i go, i know that i'll be bringing this up as well. i feel like i'm the most fucked up female in the world... on a better note, i actually started my period today! its really light, but its here/coming! after 8 months of it being MIA (pcos), i'm glad its here- making me a little more normal.

frustrated

by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:03 PM
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Replies (1-9):
myfoursonsks
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:06 PM

It is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. What is happening to you is normal considering what you have been through.  Definitely see a therapist about this, there are things that can help you.

boosako
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:09 PM

Talk to him.  You have to get it out, not just in therapy but to him also.  If you have understanding at home it might make it a little better for you.  Dont hide it from him.  That will just cause more stress and that could cause you to react to him more negatively.   This kind of stuff will eat you up, trust me.  TALK TO HIM!!!

HLoeffler08
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:11 PM

Exactly, my friend went thru the same thing..It happens. Just have a talk with him and definitely go to a rape therapist..Yep they have them!

Quoting myfoursonsks:

It is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. What is happening to you is normal considering what you have been through.  Definitely see a therapist about this, there are things that can help you.


KT9105
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:12 PM

share with your boyfriend as much as you can about it.  the more you disclose, the more closure you'll have (in my experience).  I still remember like it was yesterday, and it was almost 10 years ago but my husband knows who did it, when and how it happened, i left no detail out when i told him.  i'm not ok with it now, but i don't let it control me in anyway.  it happened, it's over, it'll never happen again (god willing) and i have someone who'll protect me for the rest of my life.

marshallsmommy
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:14 PM

i agree....and also talk to your bf, i am sure he will understand, and be more then willing to help you cope with the issues you are having...best of luck and sorry you had this happen to you!

Quoting myfoursonsks:

It is called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. What is happening to you is normal considering what you have been through.  Definitely see a therapist about this, there are things that can help you.



jazzy020106
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:17 PM

I have not been through something like that in years! Its been 8-9 years since it happened to me so maybe thats why??? I do know that now i have alot of mental/emotional issues.. along with trust issues... I agree with a PP.. see a therapist or something! I never did and now i regret it =[ Maybe talking to him about it will help =] My DF and i have talked about it before and [for me] it helped. He understood why i was how i was. And did his best not to get frustrated. holding it in is hard. I did for a long long time. i didnt tell ANYONE. even my best friend at the time didnt know about it. For the 1st year and a half after it happened i only left my house for school... (i was in middle school) i stayed LOCKED in my house.. ok im rambling. all these memories are coming back to me.. Anyway. Im sorry  OP and i hope you find a way to cope with whats happening!

SAndrews
by Member on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:18 PM

It is Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. I have been suffering with it for a little over 4 yrs now since I was raped. I am happily married, but I still have flashbacks every now and then. With time, thearpy, and a supportive SO/DH, you will get through the difficult time. Also, realizing that it is not your fault, helps (this actually was the most difficult part for me). If you want to talk, feel free to PM me.

nataly22
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:28 PM

Hi hun. I understand what you are going through. its hard. I was drugged and rape about 3 years  ago. I still even at this time get upset out of nowhere. My husband to knows about it, but never told him the savarity of what happened. Even though I have yet to talk to anybody, I would suggest that you do. I have talk to friends and they are kind of my terapy, but if you don't have someone to talk to you shoul.

I hope that everything works out.

xoxoxoxo

nataly

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la_bella_vita
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:29 PM

I went through this. I was raped at 17 and still get flashbacks, I finally had to go to thearpy. My husband is very loving and I know he would never hurt me but certain things would make me fearful. Since thearpy I have been doing a lot better.

Good luck and if you need to talk you can send me a message! 

   Happily married to my high school sweetheart, soul mate and best friend & Proud mommy of a beautiful princess and handsome little toddler prince!

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