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Daycare question..really need advice ASAP! UPDATE, how dare this woman...

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:32 PM
  • 41 Replies

Okay so my 4 1/2 year old went to his first day of daycare, NOT being watched by family. Well this babysitter (approved from the CDC) gets paid regardless but she is suppose to watch him from 7:30am-4:30 pm well today we dropped him off at 8:30 am and everything was going great until just a few minutes ago (about 1:15 pm). Well she told me he was being rude to her (just staring at her when she asked him to pick up his toys) and of course would not put away stuff he brought out and not sharing with the other kids. Well I told her to put him on the phone so I could speak with him, so she did and I told him that he NEEDS to listen to her and respect her and do as she asks. Well he told me that he wanted to come home and that the other little boy was not sharing with him (I believe the other little one is 2 years old or so)..Well I continued to tell him that he KNOWS he has to share and be good just like he is at home with his brother and sister (his brother is 2 years and his sister is 1..and THEY were suppose to go today but are home sick with a cold and fever). So anyways she came back on the phone and me being the nice person and how I hate being a burden to other people..I told her give me 20 minutes and I'll be over to pick him up.

Im not sure what to do, or how to get him to behave....?

I feel awful that he is acting up BUT at the same time she is getting paid..and in other words Im getting jipped out of babysitting time.

What do I do??! Im still new to this whole daycare/babysitting thing, usually family watches my kids so I don't really need to drop and run to pick them up...

I don't want to have him think that just because he threw a fit, he gets to come home...shrugging

So here is a couple of updates within the past few days, well I did end up picking him up and this babysitter was plain rude to me when I got there, I walked in and said "well I guess I better meet you face to face since we haven't already..hehe" (in a very friendly tone) and she just looked at me and said NOTHING! I was like okayy whatever, must be a bad day (didn't say it, just thought it) so I continued on explaining that he was VERY new to this whole babysitting/daycare thing and that he has never been watched by anyone outside of our family. She just looked at me again and said.."hmm" and then proceeded to say "OKAY" I just thought "man lady pull the stick out!". Well she proceeded to tell me that my son did NOT do anything she said and pointed out that the 2 year old she watches, listens better than my almost 5 year old did...AND she then told me that she did not appreciate how my son didn't share with this 2 year old (the little boy didn't share either with my son) and that THOSE kids are long term and her source of income. I understand but just because my kids are temporary, this gives her the right to treat them like shit?! So then she was like "you need to sign him out..." so I did and I went to turn around and speak to her about what she thought was fair for discipline and what not and I was going to let her know that I thought time-outs was okay and she could do them (since some moms are very picky about other people disciplining their children). And this woman picked up the 2 month old and COMPLETELY ignored me!!!!! So I just said "okay bye" and walked out the door....

I was very upset by all of this, this lady had a HORRIBLE attitude...I couldn't believe it. So I explained everything to my husband and he said he would talk to her tomorrow morning...so the next day he takes BOTH boys this time since my DS#2 was feeling better from his cold. Well he gets there and she goes "OH I didn't think you would come today..didn't you speak with your wife?" My husband said "yeah and I'm sorry for how my son acted and hopefully today is better". She then gave him the speech she gave me yesterday about how my son acted and that he needs to listen to EVERYTHING she says (I agree) and needs to jump up and do it, instead of her having to ask him repeatedly. She was really making MY son seem like this horrible child, he has NEVER had trouble like this before...but mostly it was HER attitude..why make your life hell and the child's life hell..? Why not be nice and treat kids like kids and not adults! OH and my DS#1 asked "can we watch a movie now?" (not saying NOW in a demanding way but now as in right now) and she just freaked at him (with DH was there) saying "I DON'T APPRECIATE 4 YEAR OLDS TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!!, YOU may ask to watch a movie but do NOT demand it"..My husband was shocked but continued to tell my son to ask....

She of course mentioned how the other kids are long term..blah blah blah..my husband was trying to be nice to this lady but she was just being rude, had an attitude and pretty much was living in this fantasy parenting world. I know a 4 1/2 year old should listen better than a 2 year old but still..he is young and isn't PERFECT! He may throw temper tantrums, he may not listen the first time he is told.......Anyways so she ends up calling us AGAIN at 2 saying our 2 year old kept crying and saying he wanted to go home, but luckily our DS#1 was great and didn't have any issues that day. I still thought it was bull because SHE is getting paid to watch our kids from 7:30 am- 4:30 pm....but yet she keeps calling us to pick them up. So my husband went and picked them up........

So my FIL came down for a visit and so we kept the kids out of daycare for 2 days (the babysitter KNEW already) and my husband gets a call yesterday from the babysitter saying "well because of how your children act, I think its in the best interest that they see this new lady..I can't take the crying, sassing back, and all of the other things" So my husband said "what a great idea! It might be nicer for the kids to have a babysitter that doesn't have an attitude and might understand them better........" (not his EXACT words but pretty much that) I'm so upset because for 1. she was suppose to watch the kids while I had "respite care" from the kids...2. she had an attitude and treated my kids like crap and 3. she did NOT have experience with older children (older than 2) and expected way to much for my DS#1

Am I wrong for feeling this way? Im honestly glad to be rid of this woman...













by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mysteriousmom06
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:36 PM

I think he is just adjusting to being at a new place. I would give it a few weeks & then reevaluate the situation. If she didn't ask that you pick him up then your not really getting jipped out of the money, you made the decision to pick him up early. I would just let him go tomorrow, go over with the sitter what usually worked in the form of discipline, & go from there. Best of Luck:)

lovinmykiddo07
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:36 PM

I work at a daycare with 3-4 year olds & sometimes when the kids get a little out of hand we will call the parents & have them talk to the children. I wouldnt make a habit out of picking him up tho. Its the teacher's job to watch him, thats what she's getting paid to do. Plus, these kids are smart. They'll figure out if they are bad, Mom will get called, and they'll get to leave. Just like they wanted. What I do, if I get a call like that is be firm with him on the phone, tell him he better behave or he'll have to suffer the consequence when you pick him up at the end of the day. For example, if he doesnt behave then no TV, or take away a toy or something along those lines. Good luck, Mama!


24-7MomX2
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:36 PM

You should talk with the daycare and tell them that he is transitioning from never being in daycare to all of a sudden having to go.  You definitly should not pick him up when he is acting like that, you are giving him what he wants and that will only make him do it again to see if he gets the same results.  Hang in there and hopefully your daycare can be a little more understanding.

MomTo2Boys2526
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:42 PM

Thanks ladies, well Im heading over there to pick him up but he will be "in trouble" when he gets home, no tv for the rest of the day..

I want him to know that he can't just act up in order to come home! Thanks for giving me some advice, like I said Im still pretty new to this so I feel kind of guilty having MY kid act up..but at the same time he NEEDS to get other kid interaction plus he will be starting school next year, I mean he can't just come home when he feels like it.














terrabiglieri
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:46 PM

Id give it at least a week. He doesnt know her and isnt used to her being the boss and telling him what to do. Id say look for a new daycare if it doesnt get better soon, maybe this lady just doesnt have a very high tolerance for stuff, and that would make me feel uncomfortable.

Lisabrenner
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:46 PM

I think he's just adjusting too and  honestly, for her to call you about that is rediculous!  he's being a 4 year old...sometimes they don't want to put toys away and listen...it's her job to deal with it, not call mommy.  PS: I used to work in a daycare and would never have called a parent over something like that.  good luck!

 


Quoting MomTo2Boys2526:

Thanks ladies, well Im heading over there to pick him up but he will be "in trouble" when he gets home, no tv for the rest of the day..

I want him to know that he can't just act up in order to come home! Thanks for giving me some advice, like I said Im still pretty new to this so I feel kind of guilty having MY kid act up..but at the same time he NEEDS to get other kid interaction plus he will be starting school next year, I mean he can't just come home when he feels like it.



MomTo2Boys2526
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 5:54 PM

Okay so I picked him up, this was actually the first time Ive met this lady..my husband has been  handling all of this, setting this up and what not. Well she didn't seem very friendly, IMO..Im very nice and except anyone and everyone and this lady just seemed not so friendly.

Well I went there and I came on inside and I said "well I figured to come in and talk since we haven't officially met..." and she just looked at me and said "okay" (in a very I don't give a f**k kind of tone)..so I was like "well I apologize for how he was acting but this is his first time actually being in a daycare situation and is still trying to adjust". Well she just look at me and didn't say anything...I was like okayyyy whatever, maybe its just been a bad day. So she was like "well he was being very rude to this little boy and Ive been watching this boy LONGER".......

I just kind of gave her a blank stare like OKAY..and your point?? I mean I understand that she may "know" this little more than my son BUT why is she judging him on the first day like that?!

This woman has a 2 month old, a 9 month old, and a 2 year old and then my son (and soon to have my other son once he feels better)..I mean that is a lot of kids but at the same time she does NOT need to be crabby with me.

I was trying to be nice but Im going to go else where if your going to be a grump to me and my kid!

So like I said I apologized about my son's actions..he is still mad at me for taking him and he's even more mad now because I informed him he'll go back tomorrow!

What should I do about her? My son said that she was being "very mean to me" (his exact words) I know sometimes kids exaggerate when they don't like something or are trying to get out of something but USUALLY he is pretty honest with me about all of that stuff.

So tomorrow my husband (he usually takes them to and from on his way to work) is going to speak with her and hopefully get to the bottom of all of this.

I also want to add that I WAS going to speak to her about discipline and what her rules were and explain mine, but she was in such hurry to get me out of there I couldn't!!

She just pretty much ignored me and picked up the 2 month old..so I just said thanks and walked out.eye rolling













ErikaM27
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 5:57 PM

sorry but this is minor when I had my daycare at home I had kids that didn't want to share and it's normal if they start to fight for a certain toy the toy was put away until they could share it again. She didn't have to call you for that and I don't think you had to go pick him up. She's getting paid to take care of the kids not to have to call everytime they don't listen she needs to get your child to feel comfortable it's barely his first day. Don't stress about it, if she's giving you a hard time everyday I would suggest finding somone else and they could give you a hand book of what is expected. I would only call the parents when something major happened or I would only tell the parents at the end of the day what was going on with their child. Also I just read your reply have you thought about maybe putting him in with another daycare in his age group with his siblings too? Good luck..

MomTo2Boys2526
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 6:09 PM

bump for update













MomTo2Boys2526
by on Nov. 9, 2009 at 6:21 PM

Yeah I agree, why make the child uncomfortable and then make your life and the child's life hell for the rest of the time watching them??? Doesn't make sense to me...

It just bothered me because she showed no interest in trying to make the situation better, and would just rather "rush" me out the door..

And no I can't switch the babysitter because shes the only available babysitter on base and since she can't take anymore babies my daughter has to go to the CDC...which sucks because they LOVE being together..so unless somebody opens up I can't switch =(

I told my husband how I was upset and honestly didn't like her but there isn't much we can do..if she continues being rude/mean to my child, I will notify the CDC and we'll see how we go from there..

Quoting ErikaM27:

sorry but this is minor when I had my daycare at home I had kids that didn't want to share and it's normal if they start to fight for a certain toy the toy was put away until they could share it again. She didn't have to call you for that and I don't think you had to go pick him up. She's getting paid to take care of the kids not to have to call everytime they don't listen she needs to get your child to feel comfortable it's barely his first day. Don't stress about it, if she's giving you a hard time everyday I would suggest finding somone else and they could give you a hand book of what is expected. I would only call the parents when something major happened or I would only tell the parents at the end of the day what was going on with their child. Also I just read your reply have you thought about maybe putting him in with another daycare in his age group with his siblings too? Good luck..














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