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Will this feeling every go away?????

Posted by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:15 AM
  • 6 Replies

 DH had a vasectomy in March while I was pregnant with Vanessa.  After he had it done, I was okay with it.  I mean I was sad but okay.  A month or two after Vanessa was born, I started to get very sad about her being our last baby.  Now it has been almost 9 months since DH had the vasectomy and I am really depressed about it.  I don't want Vanessa to be our last and I would love to have more children.  I am really bothered but I can't talk to DH about it because he was dead set against even having Vanessa let alone having another baby.  I have brought it up a couple times in play about one having another baby but DH just says No he will be happy when we can leave them home and go out without any worries.  Me on the other hand, I am truly sad about it.  I cried after I put the kids to bed on Halloween because it made so so sad to think that this would be the last time I would say first Halloween and to know that I was putting away the pumpkin suit forever. 

At first everyone told me that it was postpartum hormones making me feel down and I talked to my doctor last week about it and he said that it's not depression but just the fact that I want more kids and DH can't have more now.  He suggested talking to DH, but I can't.  I mean our youngest is 7 months and already I am sad.  He will think I'm nuts.  I guess it is setting in and now I have begun to lose interest.  I hate watching tv and I hate grocery store outings because seeing pregnant women makes me so sad and DH doesn't understand.  I feel like he made this decision without me and now I have to just accept it.  I love DH.  I was afraid that I would grow resentful of the vasectomy and everyone told me that I would outgrow it but now I think I am mad at DH for making this decision and not caring about my feelings.  I am 24 years old and to say that's it just saddens me so much.

I know I want to have another baby in a few years but now I can't because DH can't.  I know there are options but DH will not go through needles again.  Adoption is out of the question because I can't get approved and DH would never want to adopt.  I just don't know what to do.

Has anyone else ever been through this?  Will these feelings pass?  Will I get over it eventually? 

by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:15 AM
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by Gold Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:19 AM

I'm sorry you are going through this =(

Me and my husband decided neither of us will get "fixed" until we're BOTH READY. 

by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:22 AM

Vasectomies are reversible.  If you weren't ready to give up more babies why'd he get fixed?

by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 2:57 AM

He made this decision without you??  I would be highly upset and he made that decision with you then maybe you can go to a sperm donor clinic and get some to make another baby.

by Silver Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 3:05 AM

I'm so sorry!!  I really hope he didn't make that huge descision w/o talking to you about it?!  My DH and I aren't agreed on more kids yet, but he did agree to wait until our youngest is 1 before talking about it again.  If he is still set, then I will have to live with that.  The only advice I can offer is to put all you have into the kids you have.  You could also get involved with a program like big brother/big sister.  You would be assigned a child to meet with regularly and mentor - not nearly the same as dressign them up for their first halloween, I know, but even having 1 or 2 more kids would only give you that many more seasons of firsts.  Look at it this way - at least you know it's the "last time" for these things. . . . . you aren't looking back 3 years from now going "if only I had known that would be the last time we used that costume, I would have.. . . . "  you know?

by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 3:13 AM

Well I totally disagree with your doctor, I do think that you have depression. It may not be PPD, but your definitely depressed. Because of that you're not able to think of it from a logical point of view. Which is why do you want more children with someone who doesn't want anymore? Honestly, I think that if you step back and look at things its not as bad as you're making it out to be KWIM.

Now as for him getting snipped without tell you, I can understand your being upset. I do think  he should have discussed it with you, but at the same time you must have gone along with it too. Why did you not say anything to him then?



by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 3:17 AM

My DH got a vasectomy 2 years ago when my son was 1. We both agreed on it for many reasons. We also decided at that time to talk in the future about being foster parents in the future.

I do sometimes frrl like I want more of my own. But I also realize we made the decision we did for very good reasons. and it passes I just cherish what time with my kids and am thankful I could have them in the first place.

I know that is different from you as I was the one saying "I'm getting fixed", and DH said no its easier for me too. But just think if you did have more and he really don't want more he could resent you for that. I think you should talk to him and come to piece with it. Have you asked him why he feels so strong about it? maybe seeing his point of view will help?

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