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My husband yells at my son!!??

Posted by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:12 AM
  • 29 Replies

It's the middle of the night, your child wakes crying and upset. Your husband goes in to see what is wrong and next thing you hear is him yelling at your child to stop crying. That they are fine. etc. Next thing you know you have an extra upset child!

Does this happen to anyone else?

My husband will get up with my son since im pregnant he beats me there cause it takes a few for me to roll myself out of bed, wait until my hips stop hurting, hope not to pee myself as the baby lands on my bladder LOL..

The scene I get is my husband, instead of comforting my son is changing his diaper at 3am (my son is 19 months) and yelling at him (not loud but kinda mean and firmly) that he is FINE to stop crying, nothing is wrong, just stop it etc. My son is getting more and more upset because one he hates his diaper changed and two he hates it when you use a firm voice with him it upsets him. So I walk in and my son automatically wants me. My husband REFUSES to hand him over, he is fine, he tells me.. uh I don't think so?! I take him and instead of my husband going back to bed.. he stands there watching me as I cuddle, comfort, sing to etc, to my son to get him calmed back down. By now he is so upset he is having none of it. Eventually I get him calmed down and tucked back in bed and he is now so awake he refuses to sleep. ARG!!! Spend the next hour trying to get a toddler back to bed in the middle of the night...

Does anyone else get crap like this from their husbands??? Then they wonder why our children stretch and reach for us and don't want to be with them when they are upset? Mine will often refuse to hand him over to me dispite the obvious fact he wants to come to me.

What do you say to your husband? I don't want to start a fight but it's making me so mad lately that he has so little nurturing ability to comfort his own child who obviously woke up upset.

by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Just_Bethy
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:16 AM

Aww that hurts my heart to think how scared a 19 month old child is when a full grown man shouts at them ..I honestly have no advice for you...I couldn't live with a shouter...I hope things get better for you and you child...

 


Drillers Wife, Toughest Job In The Oil Field.

KT9105
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:19 AM

Wow your husband yells at a crying baby and you put up with it?  Screw not wanting to start a fight, someone's got to fight for the child, he can't do it.

acaisha
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:19 AM

Well he isn't really like YELLING yelling.. just talkign real sternly not comforting at all.. nto defending him cause it bugs me but my husband isn't really a shouter.. neither of us is. Just hurts me and bothers me he wouldn't give him some comfort.

mitty18
by Gold Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:20 AM

Nope we don't deal with this, we use a gentle loving voice with our son unless he is in trouble, then we use a firm but calm and low voice to tell him thats not appropriate behavior. WE don't yell scream or hit our kids.
Sounds liek your Hubby needs a few lessons on how to handle a 19 month old who wakes up. He may have laready been scared, he may have had a bad dream or something and doesn't really need to be yelled at on top of that!


calcalmommy
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:21 AM

Sometimes, my DH will do something similar, like they fall, they're not really hurt and he'll say, oh you're okay, stop crying. Then them not to come see me because they're okay.  It's fine, cuz, we both know they're not really hurt and they usually settle down pretty quick. 

This isn't meant to be mean in anyway, but if you and you're DH are showing a divided front on things, just as simple as whether or not he should use a stern voice, a child can pick up on it and use it to his/her advantage...There is nothing wrong with using a stern vioce with a child, otherwise they don't know you're serious....As your child gets older teachers may have to use a stern vioce with your child as well....do you really want them crying every time they're talked to sternly?  I can understand how at night it is normally just a dream and they really do need to be calmed down and comforted, but in other aspects, it's not a bad thing for your child to hear a stern voice now and then when needed...

I would definitely talk to your DH about it though and get in agreement about it now, because while small, it could escalate later on...Good luck!

sandra_t00
by Ruby Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:21 AM


Quoting Just_Bethy:

Aww that hurts my heart to think how scared a 19 month old child is when a full grown man shouts at them ..I honestly have no advice for you...I couldn't live with a shouter...I hope things get better for you and you child...

sorry no advice either :(







jessmay3606
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:22 AM

if a 19 mo old is getting up in the middle of nite and isnt really sick or something, i dont really see anything wrong w ur husband yelling

rchl882
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:22 AM

Maybe he just snapped because it was 3 am? I know if my son wakes me up that early, I get furious, I can't help it. I don't act on my anger because I know it would just make things worse, but I cannot even describe the horrible feeling I get when I miss sleep. Maybe try to tell him that you understand how frustrating it can be to get woken up in the middle of the night, but that your son doesn't know any better and talking to him like that will only make things worse. How often does your son wake up in the middle of the night/early morning? At that age most toddlers sleep through the night.

acaisha
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:24 AM

Oh I know what you mean and i do that in the daytime too if he falls and is obviously kinda hamming it up with being hurt. But this is the middle of the night when he is waking upset and scared. My husband doesn't seem to really be able to seperate the .. okay your fine.. honestly.. and the okay you REALLY do need some comfort.. thats what im not sure how to express to him. That there are times he just needs a cuddle and some comfort not to suck it up.

Quoting calcalmommy:

Sometimes, my DH will do something similar, like they fall, they're not really hurt and he'll say, oh you're okay, stop crying. Then them not to come see me because they're okay.  It's fine, cuz, we both know they're not really hurt and they usually settle down pretty quick. 

This isn't meant to be mean in anyway, but if you and you're DH are showing a divided front on things, just as simple as whether or not he should use a stern voice, a child can pick up on it and use it to his/her advantage...There is nothing wrong with using a stern vioce with a child, otherwise they don't know you're serious....As your child gets older teachers may have to use a stern vioce with your child as well....do you really want them crying every time they're talked to sternly?  I can understand how at night it is normally just a dream and they really do need to be calmed down and comforted, but in other aspects, it's not a bad thing for your child to hear a stern voice now and then when needed...

I would definitely talk to your DH about it though and get in agreement about it now, because while small, it could escalate later on...Good luck!


calcalmommy
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:24 AM

Wow, suddenly you're in a really bad relationship according to the 1st few replies!!  sorry they didn't read your post very thoroughly...especially where you already stated that he didn't really yell, but more of a slightly mean and firm voice....

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