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Parental Rights Question. Long, in need of help, please.

Posted by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:21 PM
  • 12 Replies

My exhusband and I had a child together, for lack of a better phrase. Really what happened was that I got pregnant by him while married... there was no 'having a child together' in a traditional sense. He left shortly after finding out I was pregnant with a boy (he wanted a girl). He joined the military after we decided to give it one more try. He promptly found himself a girlfriend who then promptly got pregnant. He told me he wanted a divorce via text. 'I want to see what else is out there for me', he said. So I told him fine by me. We divorced. When my son was two weeks old, I met my husband. He's been there in my son's life since then. He's been the one to go to doctor's appointments, clean up puke, cuddle after nightmares, late night trips to walmart for tylenol and he loves OUR son vehemently. He'd walk through fire for him and he's even gone so far as to say he'd choose Eoin over me if there was ever a crazy situation in which a choice like that was to be made. (Good thing there'll never be a time when that's a REAL situation.. of course, my son comes before any man. It's a discussion we had early on.) Anyway, his sperm donor has seen him twice in his life. The day he was born, and then when he was six months old for an hour and a half. He doesn't call. He doesn't write. He doesn't even have his mom ask about Eoin anymore. I tried forever to get him to come and see him and he refused. He lives within driving distance of us. He could see him every weekend if he wanted, but he doesn't. My son is now 16 months old and my husband and I both desperately to make our family official on paper. Is there a way I can file abandonment? Ex is still in the Army, married to extra-marital girlfriend. (By the way, I have nothing against her. He duped me, too. I just hope he treats her better than he treated me. Or the mother of his FIRST child. That's right, he's got TWO kids floating about without him.) I live in Kentucky. He pays CS regularly, every month, without fail. But I don't want his money. I want our family to share my husband's last name, for it to be official and to protect my son from his sperm donor. He's refused to sign over rights because he 'might want to pop into [his] life... when he's six or seven. You know. The fun age.' I don't want my son to go through THAT kind of confusion and hurt. Any help would be appreciated! Thanks!


by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
southernjess3
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:25 PM

i will be filing abandonment in feb...but there has to be no contact or child support for a year.we havent had anything. you can try..it might work.

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lyranightshade
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:29 PM

I need money for a lawyer. God, this sucks. I swear, everything happens all at once. There's a gas leak, kids from the neighborhood disconnected my battery cables, I've had TWO, count them TWO flat tires in ONE week, our cable got shut off for a couple days because of an error in THEIR system, my son is going through his 'I don't want mommy EVER' stage... ugh. I want to bash my head against a wall. Not to mention this BC doesn't help me hormonally... everything seems worse because I started a new regime. :( I want my mommy.

Quoting southernjess3:

i will be filing abandonment in feb...but there has to be no contact or child support for a year.we havent had anything. you can try..it might work.


wickedfiress
by Ruby Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:30 PM

As far as I know, if he's paying child support regularly (which the military will make sure of) it can't be considered "abandonment."

Sorry.

It's amazing how people don't hold themselves to the standards they set for others.

southernjess3
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:32 PM

you could maybe contact legal aid

Quoting lyranightshade:

I need money for a lawyer. God, this sucks. I swear, everything happens all at once. There's a gas leak, kids from the neighborhood disconnected my battery cables, I've had TWO, count them TWO flat tires in ONE week, our cable got shut off for a couple days because of an error in THEIR system, my son is going through his 'I don't want mommy EVER' stage... ugh. I want to bash my head against a wall. Not to mention this BC doesn't help me hormonally... everything seems worse because I started a new regime. :( I want my mommy.

Quoting southernjess3:

i will be filing abandonment in feb...but there has to be no contact or child support for a year.we havent had anything. you can try..it might work.



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lyranightshade
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:35 PM

That's what I figured. I HATE this. It's such a nominal amount, it doesn't even help. I hate thinking that at any time he could contact a military lawyer (yes, they have them and they get free council.. that I've checked on) and potentially take me through court sueing for GOD KNOWS what.. and we can't afford it. He's vengeful and spiteful and controlling. He enjoying having control over my son. He's told me so in multiple conversations... not any that's occured recently. Haven't been able to get ahold of him in nearly a year. I just doesn't seem right that there's nothing I can do, you know?

Quoting wickedfiress:

As far as I know, if he's paying child support regularly (which the military will make sure of) it can't be considered "abandonment."

Sorry.


TarotMommy
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:39 PM

Considering he pays CS regularly then you can't do anything about him signing over his rights. Generally a sperm donor doesn't pay CS.

hautemama83
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:39 PM

All you should have to do is file the paperwork for your DH to adopt your little boy. More than likely if you look around online the have the website that will help you fill out and file all the paperwork online. Also your ex is going to need to sign away his parental rights. You cannot file for abandonment since he pays child support.




 




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lyranightshade
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 12:43 PM

He pays CS because he wants to put my son on 'layaway', basically. To have the ability to pop back into his life when and if he wants to. I don't want his money, TarotMommy. I want my family to be official. I call him a sperm donor because he does nothing a true father does. He donated his sperm to help with the physical process of making a child, but has taken NO real responsibility for the RAISING of that child. What would you have me call him, instead?

Quoting TarotMommy:

Considering he pays CS regularly then you can't do anything about him signing over his rights. Generally a sperm donor doesn't pay CS.


Juliekat23
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 1:24 PM

Since he won't agree to sign over his rights and he pays his child support like he's supposed to.....its going to be very hard to convince a judge to take his rights away.  My only advice is get a really good lawyer.

My situation is similar.  Only my ex husband only wanted a boy.  He has three girls by three moms, and there is a fourth child (a boy) that may be his but the mom is married and refuses to push to find out which guy is daddy.  (her husband knows about it and treats the son as his own...why rock the boat).  My ex husband hasn't seen my daughter regularly since she was 4 months and not at all in 11 months.  (he lives about 30 minutes away).  Doesn't pay child support either.  I have another month to wait to file abandonment and am waiting until DF and I are married to just go ahead and "hopefully get adoption approved through the court at the same time. 

Good Luck, although Im afraid the situation doesn't look good. 




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TarotMommy
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 1:47 PM

I don't know, maybe a jerk, asshole or something to that affect. Yeah, it's not fair that he gets to blow off the actual raising of your child and more than likely he will step in later in life, after all of the hard work of changing diapers and staying up at night with a sick child, is done.

But then your child will grow up and see all that was done by you and your DH and what little his bio-dad hasn't done.  I know you want to make everything official with him out of the picture and you really don't want him in your child's life later on either but even if you did everything up officially, children get curious and he will probably seek out his bio-dad later on, just out of curiosity. But children are smart and they know who is and isn't there for such things as birthday's, christmas', baseball games, they really do know.

Quoting lyranightshade:

He pays CS because he wants to put my son on 'layaway', basically. To have the ability to pop back into his life when and if he wants to. I don't want his money, TarotMommy. I want my family to be official. I call him a sperm donor because he does nothing a true father does. He donated his sperm to help with the physical process of making a child, but has taken NO real responsibility for the RAISING of that child. What would you have me call him, instead?

Quoting TarotMommy:

Considering he pays CS regularly then you can't do anything about him signing over his rights. Generally a sperm donor doesn't pay CS.

 


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