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What's a lie?

Posted by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 3:48 PM
  • 3 Replies

How can I explain to a 4 year old, what a lie is? He knows that its bad and that mommy doesnt like it when he lies... but he doesnt know what a lie is.

Example: He had his toy in the car and decided to hold it. I asked him what was in his hand and he said nothing. I was like boo-boo, you have a toy in your hand. why did you lie to me? It hurts mommy's feelings when you lie.. So now, he thinks that everytime he has a toy in his hand and we're in the car, he's hurting my feelings.

by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 3:48 PM
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hautemama83
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 3:56 PM

Honestly I don't think I would consider that actually lying, he probably said "nothing" because to him it was nothing KWIM. That said its I dont use the whole "it hurts my feelings" because in the long run I think its more emotionally damaging to them, if they think not telling you something is going to always hurt your feelings. I just explained to my now 7 y/o, that there is no reason to lie or not tell mommy about things that are no big deal. If something is wrong and you lie to me I cannot fix it, and if you did something "bad" and you lie to me, you will get in more trouble than if you say the truth. Honestly though he IMO is still pretty young to understand the concept of even lying.




 




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Shy_Dia
by Gold Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 5:41 PM

there's more examples than just that one... Like one day, he took the mattress off his bed. i told him to put it back before it became bedtime, and his response was that he didnt do it. I know that he did, because I was in the room watching him while he did it. We'll go to the store and getting out of the car, i'll ask if he has something in his hands, he'll flat out say no. We'll start walking towards the entance and he'll have something in his hand (a toy, water gun, etc).

I usually never say that it hurts my feelings... Usually I say that its not nice and mommy doesnt like it-- when he lies. but since i cant really explain the lying part, it doesnt really register with him. and I figured that if i said it hurts my feelings, he'd have a better concept of it.. but yea- didnt work out that well. he connected two concepts together, just not the right ones. lol

Quoting hautemama83:

Honestly I don't think I would consider that actually lying, he probably said "nothing" because to him it was nothing KWIM. That said its I dont use the whole "it hurts my feelings" because in the long run I think its more emotionally damaging to them, if they think not telling you something is going to always hurt your feelings. I just explained to my now 7 y/o, that there is no reason to lie or not tell mommy about things that are no big deal. If something is wrong and you lie to me I cannot fix it, and if you did something "bad" and you lie to me, you will get in more trouble than if you say the truth. Honestly though he IMO is still pretty young to understand the concept of even lying.


myserendipity
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 5:57 PM

At 4, your son should be able to understand the concept, if you explain it to him.  The next time you catch him in a lie, sit him down and ask him, "Do you know what a lie is?"  Chances are, he'll say "no"--and tell him that its when you say something that's not true, like....(and use the lie he just told as an example).  Then help him to see why it's wrong.  Ask him how it would make him feel if you told him you were going to go to zoo or toy store (somewhere he enjoys) but you took him to the doctors or babysitter instead.  Ask him if he would like it...ask him if he would believe you the next time you told him you were going to go to (wherever the place you used was). 

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