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I'm at loss................................

Posted by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 8:55 PM
  • 11 Replies

 I just dont know what to do with my son anymore.  He is 9 years old and in the 4th grade.  In the past, he has always been a straight A/B student....... now enter 4th grade.......

     On his last report card, he had 3 F's, a couple of D's and a couple of B's.  He was missing 15 assignments in Math alone.  I know he does the work, he just doesnt turn it in.  I dont know what to do/  We have a homework agenda that he fills out everyday and the teacher signs it saying yes- that is all the homework he has.  Some night we are doing homework from 4-10.... it shouldnt take 6 hours to do homework, but it does because he doesnt want to do it.  I am sooo stressed out (to tears, literally) because I dont know what to do.  I have tried grounding him, I have even spanked him.... I have tried a reward system.... I dont know what else to do.  I have even threatened that I will come to school and sit with him all day long if needed just to make sure his homework is turned in.  So now what?  My son is going to end up repeating the 4th grade just because he doesnt want to do the work that he is being given to do.  I dont know what to with him.  I dont know what to do about it or what I can do to help.  We have taped a note to the inside of school binder that says "Have you turned in all your homework today?"  and he still wont turn it in.  If you have any ideas, I am willing to take them because I am at a loss of what to do for  him....

 

Please help keep my sanity.  I am so tired of stressing out over this.

by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 8:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
gobimom
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 8:59 PM

First of all are you sure there isn't a problem at school that you don't know about?  Secondly is it something that the teacher is willing to help with ~ can she specifically remind him to turn in the homework. 

Just so you know you are not alone ~ my son when he was in 4th grade went thru the same type of issues with homework ( although his grades never suffered ) it was a battle every night. He knew the info just didn't want to do homework.  Now he is in 6th grade (middle school) and he does all of his homework in study hall without us - and he had straight A's including a 100% in math.  Sometimes they just have a bad year and it seems it is often 4th grade.  Hugs to you!

Crystallynn
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:04 PM

there is no problem that I am aware of.  I meet with his teachers once a month anyway..... and they will ask- "Table 1- Do you have homework to turn in?"  and then the 4 kids at table 4 get up and turn in their homework.  It is like this in all of his classes.... (he only has 2 different teachers)  and even after they ask for  homework, he doesnt turn it in.  AND it is even worse because he does the same thing with spelling tests... and any oral quiz- he will write down all his answers and just not turn it in.... 

gobimom
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:06 PM


Quoting Crystallynn:

there is no problem that I am aware of.  I meet with his teachers once a month anyway..... and they will ask- "Table 1- Do you have homework to turn in?"  and then the 4 kids at table 4 get up and turn in their homework.  It is like this in all of his classes.... (he only has 2 different teachers)  and even after they ask for  homework, he doesnt turn it in.  AND it is even worse because he does the same thing with spelling tests... and any oral quiz- he will write down all his answers and just not turn it in.... 

does the class have a teachers assistant that can specifically go to him and tell him to get out his homework.  Are you sure he has it...does he bring it back home after school?  What if you put all of his homework in a special folder/binder and every morning have the teacher ask him ( by himself ) to please give her his folder.  If she specifically tells him to do something does he not do it....because that would be a different issue.

usmommie2383
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 9:08 PM

The 4th grade seems to be one of the hardest grades where kids who were always on top, get behind. Give him a little extra help. As he might not get what he is learning. Also he might feel over whelmed too. But reward him for good grades! Just dont put to much pressure on him as he will in turn give up. Good luck!

Witch_Denise
by on Nov. 13, 2009 at 12:36 AM

I went through the same thing when I was responsible for my granddaughter..she is now with her mom..thank God......we would spend hours and hours before dinner then again hours after...it was horrible....I finally had a sit down with the teacher and found out from other parents that their kids were doing the same .....it was crazy...finally she cut the homework down...crap she was giving them weekend work I finally asked her what the he#* she was doing during class time that my granddaughter had to lug five or six books home everyday...she eased up.....

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Tajalee
by on Nov. 13, 2009 at 12:42 AM

First of all how does spanking and grounding help anything?  Especially with school matters.....the higher the grade the harder the work and maybe he is having difficulty, and I dont see how your problem solving ways help that?  If you threaten him to go sit with him, make good on it and do it!

Do you check his work for accuracy?  If you don't he can be possibly doubt his skills in the work and doesn't  want to turn it in because he will get a bad grade.  Kids are sensitive to the matters of smarts and you taking it out on his body doesn't help it anything you are suppressing him!

Get him help and stop being so emotional so you can make the right observations and decisions for HIM!

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futureshock
by Emerald Member on Nov. 13, 2009 at 12:45 AM


Quoting Crystallynn:

there is no problem that I am aware of.  I meet with his teachers once a month anyway..... and they will ask- "Table 1- Do you have homework to turn in?"  and then the 4 kids at table 4 get up and turn in their homework.  It is like this in all of his classes.... (he only has 2 different teachers)  and even after they ask for  homework, he doesnt turn it in.  AND it is even worse because he does the same thing with spelling tests... and any oral quiz- he will write down all his answers and just not turn it in.... 

Ask the teachers to ask him specifically for his homework for a while, to help him get in the habit of turning it in.  He must not be listening when they ask for it.  What other reason could there be?

Crystallynn
by on Nov. 13, 2009 at 8:15 AM


Quoting Tajalee:

First of all how does spanking and grounding help anything?  Especially with school matters.....the higher the grade the harder the work and maybe he is having difficulty, and I dont see how your problem solving ways help that?  If you threaten him to go sit with him, make good on it and do it!

Do you check his work for accuracy?  If you don't he can be possibly doubt his skills in the work and doesn't  want to turn it in because he will get a bad grade.  Kids are sensitive to the matters of smarts and you taking it out on his body doesn't help it anything you are suppressing him!

Get him help and stop being so emotional so you can make the right observations and decisions for HIM!

For starters, I would LOVE to say thanks for your "advice"  it was fabulous.....

Secondly- yes I do check his work for accuracy, and while he is doing his homework, I am sitting right next to him.  He KNOWS the work... when they do testing, he is testing out a half a year ahead of himself.  He knows what he is doing, and when he does turn in his work, he is getting 90-100 on everything.  You dont know my son or me or the issues that we have had..... as far as not being so emotional- Gee I am sooooo sorry that i dont want my son to be held back.  I am sooooo sorry that with my first anniversary being here, and my husband being deployed, our first holidays without him home, and my father dieing,  that I did get a little emotional because the stress is getting to be too much- I forgot what it must be like to live the life stress free.  I AM getting my son help.  I have been fighting with schools for the last 5 years to get him the help he needs and he is starting to get it, so for future reference, I asked for advice and help...... if you dont have either of those, shut the hell up and move on the the persons life......

Jadegirl1819
by on Nov. 13, 2009 at 8:20 AM

Have you had him talk to a counselor or anything.  The sudden change still makes me think there is something going on this year.  The teacher may not realize it or tell you.  He/she may be hostile toward your son, etc.  You just never no.  Does he act like he likes his teacher?

Crystallynn
by on Nov. 13, 2009 at 10:27 AM

 He dos see a counselor weekly.  We visit her every week and she even observes him in the classroom about once a month.  He does act like he likes his teacher.  I dont think she is hostile towards him... I think it is just him.  He has ADHD and a depressive disorder.  I know he is under a lot of stress because of his dad being deployed which is why we started seeing the counselor about 3 months before his dad deployed.  He doesnt adjust well to change, but I think it is more than that- because this has been going on since the begining of the year, and his dad just left in October.  I know it seems like grouding him may be extreme..... but really?  So I should let him play games and play outside when he is failing classes?  and yes I have told him I will start to spank him if I feel I need to, but I am honestly hoping it doesnt come to that.  He just doesnt understand.  I have tried explaining to him that if he doesnt start turning in his work, then he will end up being in 4th grade again next year when all of his friends are in 5th..... and they are on a "loop" cycle here, so he will even lose his teachers because he will have the same teachers for 5 th grade.  I honestly think he WANTS to turn his work in..... I just dont know what to do to make him do it.

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