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dont judge . ill ignore what you write if you judge.LONG UPDATEholy cow lots of responses!

Posted by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 10:59 PM
  • 133 Replies

SO has made it clear hes in no way ready to have a child nor does he want it.

we have a promise made to each other to wait until the baby is born for him to make his choice about staying or going.  we are both okay with this and we both love each other very much.. but the idea of being a father scares him sh*tless for lack of a better way of saying it.


honestly, i feel like he is holding me back from enjoying my pregnancy to its fullest.. like i feel ashamed to talk about it with some people, but that might be because i am so young, it honestly may have nothing to do with him.. it seirously might just be my hormones which have been RAGING these past few days haha.


okay but anywho he told me last ngiht that he really doesnt have any other choice but to stay because his family will 'disown him' if he isnt the father to this child that they believe he should be.  i told him that if he treats me like shit and ignores the baby i wont allow him to be part of the babies life.  i wont need that as a new mother and my child wont need to feel unloved like that. his family is very excited about this baby because his sister recently had her daughter, who is FREAKIN ADORABLE by the way haha, and they are excited to have grand and great grandchild number 2. 


so pretty much he feels like his family will choose my baby over him. which honestly, i think they might. but i refuse to be in a situation where the father takes out his daily frustration of life on the mother


SSCCRREEWWWWW TTHHAATTTTT


and i know this already on the long side, but the diea of being a single mom freaks me out a little bit because his sister and her babydaddy broke up yesterday becasue he wasnt stepping up and being a father, and he was going out and partying all the time saying his life stressed him out too much, being a father too stressful being in school too stressful, doing anything but doing drugs drinking and passing out was too stressful. hes a much bigger piece of shit than i ever expected him to be..


but im semi afraid that itll happen to me too, and even scarier is that SO makes it known now that he doesnt really want the baby, and her babydaddy  wanted the child the ENTIRE time she was pregnant.


i dunno im just nervous.


bashing responses will be happily ignored.


hey  everyone thanks so much for all of your responses.... although he has mentioned wanting me to have an abortion, he has not pushed me into it because he knows that i do not want that.  he does wish that i would look further into adoption, but i flat out told him i am keeping my baby.  although yes, there is a chance that he isnt the man i think he is.. i have been living with him for over half the time i have been with him.. and i think i know him pretty dang well lol i know thats not that incredibly much time, but weve spent sooo much time together.  and in my original post i was kindof just like.. yeah we love each other but this is why im upset.  i didnt really go into detail about it at all.. i love the little things that he does, like when he gets into bed late at night he always snuggles with me, and he does me little favors.. and he was also my high school crush lol he was a senior when i was a freshman, and i always had this huge crush on him but was always too chicken to do anything about it, and then after i graduated we started hanging out a lot..and once again, yes, i may be a huge softie for him, but i hope i know when to leave it be. imagining losing him is almost the hardest thing i have ever had to do.. right underneath losing my baby in any way as in adoption, abortion, miscarriage...  my baby is my priority.. and although i do love him with all of my heart, and i know some people wont agree, i would never be able to look back and know that i gave away my firstborn child just to make my boyfriend happy.because my baby is forever.. and who is to say my boyfriend and i dont break up in a year or two?

and on the topic of abortion while im at it, that is perfectly fine to those women that choose to have one, i myself am semi pro choice, i have a complicated view....lol hard to explain  but i believe that it was my own choice to have sex and know that i could get pregnant... and honestly before i had gotten pregnant, i was scared crapless of the idea of getting pregnant.  but it happened, and im trying to make the best of it and just take it day by day.

anyway thank you all for your advice, i really appreciate it, and i really hope he comes around to the idea, because that would seriously be the best thing in the worldd for me.  and although being a single mother scares the crap out of me, i will do what i need to to have my baby and keep them happy.  i never knew i could love something so tiny, that isnt even born yet... so incredibly much, and i cant explain why i do.. i just do.  in fact, i wish i could explain it lol that way i could explain it to SO haha.

First time mommy due April 6, 2010

Fuzzi Bunz at Nurtured Family

pregnancy week by week

by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 10:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
theboyswon
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:01 PM

wow....

perfectkitten
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:01 PM

Do what you have to do. If he doesn't want to be a father let him be. Kids will be kids right?  Go after him for the CS the baby deserves.

 

swesolek6
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:03 PM

just out of curiosity wow what?

Quoting theboyswon:

wow....


First time mommy due April 6, 2010

Fuzzi Bunz at Nurtured Family

pregnancy week by week

beadingmom17
by Rachel on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:04 PM

Well, at the very least, he's honest with you!  On the other hand, if he didn't want kids, he should have thought about that before hand!  It takes two to tango!!!

There are lots of single moms in the world and most get by just fine.  It sounds like his family is excited and it seems like you'll have a support system in them...what about your family?  Your child will obviously be getting loved on from his family, even if he's not around, it seems :) 

I guess all you can really do is hold on tight and go for the ride, you know?  Lots of guys go through a "freak out" phase whether it be before or after baby...hopefully, he's just scared and nervous and will come around once he sees his baby :)

Best of luck!  Try to have a happy, and healthy, rest of your pregnancy!!!  Just remember that stress isn't good for you or baby ;)  Try not to worry too much!

misssy2000
by Ruby Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:04 PM

wow, well just be ready to be a single mom if you have to and if he wont let you enjoy your pregnancy go where you can. This time is sppose to be exciting and happy. oh and how aold are you btW?



MsDean
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:04 PM

He might just be afraid he won't make a good dad. Just try to include him in baby things but give him time to adjust. amybe being around his sister's baby might warm him up to the idea. The father of my oldest was totally against me having our son but the minute he was born totally turned around and has been an AWESOME dad to him. Think positive and don't stress out about it.

gigglyann87
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:06 PM

I think maybe, that when he sees his baby for the first time after he/she is born...he will want to be a part of it's life. I could be wrong, but I hope not.

But you deserve a happy pregnancy. Enjoy it the best you can in spite of his feelings. You will be ok, I promise. No matter the decision he makes. I know it's hard...and I wish you the best of luck and a million blessings. Even if your BF walks away, this baby is gonna love you forever, no matter what, even after you're gone from this earth. That will make it all worth it.

I hope things work out for you, and I hope BF stays to love you and your baby. Good luck hon. :)

Tara.gif picture by MomOfThr33





 

futureshock
by Emerald Member on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:07 PM

How long have you two been together? 

JasonsMom2007
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:09 PM

I agree.  Maybe you can babysit his sister's daughter or have him take a new dad class to help him decide and feel more comfortable?  It's really not unusual for dads to be scared, or moms for that matter!

Quoting gigglyann87:

I think maybe, that when he sees his baby for the first time after he/she is born...he will want to be a part of it's life. I could be wrong, but I hope not.

But you deserve a happy pregnancy. Enjoy it the best you can in spite of his feelings. You will be ok, I promise. No matter the decision he makes. I know it's hard...and I wish you the best of luck and a million blessings. Even if your BF walks away, this baby is gonna love you forever, no matter what, even after you're gone from this earth. That will make it all worth it.

I hope things work out for you, and I hope BF stays to love you and your baby. Good luck hon. :)


 














3boyz1princess
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:09 PM

Sounds like you ave a good head on your shoulders and will do whats right.  Glad you at least realize if he does not want to be a father you can do it with out him..I dont know him but I bet once he sees his child and it sinks in he will be there.  Sounds like his family is very family oriented which might help him come around.  good luck and try to enjoy your pregnancy.

in loveboy n girltwin boys


HUBBY & ME       CHANDLER,MADSION,CARSON & COLTON

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