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my dad found me. where to go from here? adoption...

Posted by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:34 PM
  • 22 Replies

i was put in foster home at 6 months. i had no contact with my birth parents sins.. today i get a e mail on face book from a young lady telling me she is my half sister. half hr later i get a e mail from a man with my last name saying he is my father. i then find my mom on face book as well..

any one bin thru this? is it normal to feel scared and insecure? is it normal not to trust them. they say they have bin looking for me my whole life.. they want a relationship now. i don't know if i want one.. my mother i added to my face book but she has not bin online yet. i am terrified she will reject me.. my father wants to have contact and get a relationship.. if my mother ignores me i know it will kill me. i don't know where to go from here. do i have to tell them everything? if i don't open up and don't act all lovey dove right away will they think i want nothing with them?

i am in tears right now. i jsut found out today i have 6 half siblings. 2 on my mom sides and 4 on my dads. all on my dads have added me to their face book and tried talking to me. this is all to much to me.. and what if my mom don't want to talk to me.

i know i am just rambling but this is just so hard for me... 24 years later he wants to be in my life... why???

by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
KT9105
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:36 PM

do you want to know them?  that would really determine where you go from here.

but being scared i'd say is very normal.

Just_Bethy
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:37 PM

Wow...How overwhelming for you...I have no advice other than go at your own pace.,...don't let them push you...Love and Light to you ... 

 


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CrystalJulianna
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:37 PM

omg that so much to go thru in one day... you have to take it one step at a time. and think about if you really want to go through all this. i know people who had been adopted and they told me there was a part of them always missing. hoping one day they find out who there really parents are. so just think about it.


SurvivingMommy
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:38 PM

I woudln't read any messages, or except any friends requests until you have sat down and thought long and hard about what YOU want.. this is all you honey.. You have the power in this situation.. Trust and believe that one..

rayzensun
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:38 PM

it's completely normal to be overwhelmed, keep in mind that with facebook you can take your time to answer back....

 

do you want to get to know them? 


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HayliesMomma15
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:39 PM

My mom was adopted when she was a baby too.  She was placed in the system until she was about 6 months old as well.  My "real" grandmother found her when I was about 5 or 6?? She has been a part of our life ever since, but we aren't allowed to meet my grandfather, my mom met him and she didn't like him.  Ever since my mom found her, my grandma (adopted) doesn't treat my mom like my aunts. (they were told they could never have children, then after adopting my mom they had 3 girls! nice.)  Anyway, my mom has always felt wierd because her real mom kept her half sister and not her.  So, its is hard.  Now, I just found out that my "real" grandmother doesn't like my kids...so she is out of my life again.  It's a hard road getting to know your real family.  I wasn't adopted but have felt the effects of my moms adoption.  If you need to talk you can pm me.

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theboyswon
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:39 PM

I would only do what I felt comfortable with.  Don't try and act like you think they want you to, do what you are OK with and that is it.  It is not your fault they put you up for adoption, it was their choice, you don't owe them anything.  It may not go well, or you could all meet and things could go great, but I would not create any expectations at all.  If you do, there is a good chance you will be disappointed.  The siblings are different IMO though, they had nothing to do with your situation and may just want to talk and get to know you.  It sounds like there are several of them, but even then I could see how there could be hurt feelings on your side of it where the other kids are concerned.  I would just be honest and genuine and take it day by day.  Hope it all works out for you.

myfoursonsks
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:39 PM

Take it VERY slow.  My husband went through this and things did not work out so well.  The whole situation will be overwhelming for everyone. It isn't something you just want to jump in to.

aretheyallmine
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:41 PM

Maybe you could explain to them wha tyou are feeling.  It would be best to get to know your parents before overwhelming yourself with the others.  Take it as slow as you feel you need to.  If you want to know "why" ask them.  You really have the ball in your court. 

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MommynMonster
by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 11:42 PM

I would take a look at the situation from his point of view before doing anything: they gave you up because (I'm assuming here) they knew that they couldn't properly raise you the way you deserved. Maybe he never stopped loving you and wants to make it up to you?


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