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friends that get abuse

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:23 AM
  • 5 Replies

I truly don't understand. I had a friend who was very self motivated, had very high self esteem. She had a good job going to school had tons of friends and family. Then she met her husband. At first it was cool but then the abuse started. He broke her son leg. Left her and the kids alone with no food and no money. He cheated on her with his other baby mama. but she still stayed.

The first time she left him she only had the two kids. It was her, another friend of ours and me. We were in the middle of Pomona in the middle of the night helping her move. He was threatening to kill her and the kids. We did not know when he was coming back. but we got her and the kids out safe. What did she do she goes back with him.

To make a long story short she ended up leaving and going back with him a dozen time. Then the  police got involved and i found out later (by this time i had stopped talking to her) that her husband tried to kill her oldest son. (He is by another man the rest are by him).

He was in jail and they were not going to press charges  on her if she stays away from him. They are getting him for attempted murder on her son, child abuse and spousal abuse. But no she told out friend that she was not talking to him but she lied so now they are going to get her for child endangerment even thou she got her kids taken away from her.

Please help me understand how a women could put her man abouve her kids. There is no way in  heck i could do that. And before you guys say it she had plenty of place to go to. she has lots of family that took her in.

I also know that i don't know the whole story and i don't i just can't be friends with someone like that.

what is you opinion.

by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:23 AM
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Replies (1-5):
mstnbecki
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 8:03 AM

I never understood it either, My ex husbands mother put her 2 girls in foster care so her husband could come home after he got out of jail for molesting his oldest daughter. 

If my SO EVER hurt one of my children I would be going to jail for murder.

JakeandEmmasMom
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 8:14 AM

I'm with you.  It makes no sense.  My DH has a relative whose husband beats her and we offered to have her and the kids stay with us, help with money, help with just generally getting back on her feet... even if she wanted to try to work things out with him we offered to help them find counseling for him so that he could learn a different way to deal with his anger.  But nope, she wouldn't take our help.  I would imagine he still beats her up...she just doesn't come around as much.  And they have 3 kids.

mommasbabies77
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 8:19 AM
It's a sad situation and not for anyone else to understand. I would imagine unless you have been there, you shouldn't try to understand. When someone is being abused, they are in a situation where it seems like their is no hope and with little self esteem to help, they stay because they think that's what they deserve. It's sad when there are children involved, but just because they have children doesn't make it any easier to give up the only thing they know as love. I hate it when people assume they know what they would do in that person's situation if they have never been there. It may not be right and it may suck and seem incomprehensible to us..but we are in no place to judge or to even understand. I simply pray that they will see the light and understand that they don't have to live a life of fear and they don't have to raise kids in that enviroment either. SIGH


shay52085
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 8:22 AM

I dont know. I will never understand how anyone could put a man/woman before their children....especially when the kids are being abused. I just don't get it.

mamafor6
by Ruby Member on Nov. 16, 2009 at 8:28 AM

Its extreamly hard for anyone to understand if you have not lived it. I was abused and it took me looking into my DD's eyes and saying I did not want her to grow up thinking husbands are supposed to beat their wives to leave (he never hit my kids till after we were seperated) I will not try to understand and I will not judge

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