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if you knew your daughter couldn't have children..

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:50 AM
  • 18 Replies

when and how would you tell her? at what age..and how you would you say it?

my dd is not going to be able to have children because she has had alot of chemo. one of her chemo's the doctors said it makes 100% of people unable to have children. i think about this time to time, like today when she was tucking her baby dolls in bed and she said "im a mommy!" it just makes my heart break a little. but i dont know what age i will tell her, or how i will do it. 

by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
usmchoney
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:55 AM

my friend from all the chemo she had s was told she would be unable to have kids, she is now about to have her second one! I believe there can always be miracles and ur body can heal its self, but if not then in her teenage years or when she has her first period the onset of puberty. I think 13/14 would be a good age to be able to understand and process it all. IM sorry mama "hugs"hugs

Kchambers
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:55 AM

I think that the approach i would take is wait till she is old enough to even know how babies are made. And then tell her that she had what she had and that there is more than one way to become a mommy. That while one won't work there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Good Luck! 

   Karina


"...yo seria borincano aunque naciera en la Luna"  -Juan Antonio Corretjer


sgeorge0505
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:55 AM

 I would wait until she hits puberty and when you are telling her about all the changes she is going through you could explain to her that she was given an amazing second chance and now she cannot have children naturally. I would however make it all positive, she could adopt, she could do surrogacy. My cousin has the same problem and her sister is currently carrying her baby. She was unable to produce eggs so they had an egg donor and her husbands sperm joined. As long as you keep it positive i think she will handle it alright.

 

i love my son Pictures, Images and Photos Johnathan Junior 04/17/08
ttc Pictures, Images and Photos
Not an ordinary wife Pictures, Images and Photos Johnathan and Sarah 05/05/07


brinnyann4
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:55 AM

I agree. That would be a difficult decision. I sadly have no advice..all I know is that no time will ever feel like the 'right' time. Maybe around the time that she hits puberty. I mean, life is presenting her with all the other crazy stuff happening to her body, might as well throw it in there. =[

ConnorMomma713
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:56 AM

I have no idea how I would handle that situation. I'm sorry that you have to but at least you have your baby girl here with you! HUGS


brittanyjo85
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:58 AM

That's tough mama.  What I would do though, would be to wait it out, til she gets out of the teen years, and meets someone.  I don't think I would want to make her grow up anymore than she already has.  I mean I know you're not saying you want to tell her tomorrow or anything. 

I think it's a conversation better left not talked about until it becomes an issue.  KWIM?  I mean, you can always encourage her to even try, b/c doctors are not always right.  And there's adoption.  Don't get too worked up over this yet *hugs*

NattysMommy
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:58 AM

Awww how sad...it isn't always true tho. I was not supposed to be able to have kids but here I am. I was told this since I was about 13 by my doctor. I would say around the time you have the whole "period talk" you can explain to her what has happened and why she is probably going to be unable to have children....that way (usually kids at that age aren't concerned with having kids) she will have time to deal with it in her own way, then once she is old enough to have kids she'll be used to the idea of it not being a possibility.....I dunno if that made sense lol I haven't slept yet sorry!! 

MichelleJ1000
by Bronze Member on Nov. 16, 2009 at 5:01 AM

That is a rough one.  I hope that your dd is in remission and that she is doing well. 

I also have a dd that my not be able to have children.  She has polycystic ovary syndrome.  The only way to get her regulated was the birth control pill.  When we found this out one of the questions we asked the dr. was how would this affect her ability to have kids.  The dr. pretty much said that when she is ready to have kids they will start fertility treatments right away.  All of my family says not to worry that there are other ways of becoming a mom. 

It might be good to write everything down in a journal for her so that when she is old enough she can read it and ask you any questions later.   Remember everything happens for a reason and you will tell her when the time is right.  Good luck to you.

 

kiralyn
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 5:07 AM

puberty age is probably good. i was thinking about talking to someone, like a child psychologist or something to get their take on it. 

and i am holding out for her (even tho its waaaay in the future lol) i dont think anything is ALWAYS 100%

kiralyn
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 5:09 AM

oh, and i do have everything she went through journaled. she had a carepages website that i wrote in everyday and i printed it all off for her and put it in a binder. i kept all of her hair that fell out and she also has videos and lots of pictures :)

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