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Money drama, ugh!

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 1:18 PM
  • 10 Replies

Hi ladies,

This is a really long story but I'll give you the short version. My mom is always complaining about how she doesn't have enough money for food. She gets 1200 a month in SS and 30 a month in foodstamps. I give her 100 a month for babysitting (25 a week for 3 hours a day, 2 days a week), she also eats when she babysits here and does her laundry here. After my mom's bills she has about 275 leftover. She spends 40 a week on cigarettes, I know this because she has me keep track of her bank account online. She spends 9.85 four times a week at Walgreens, each time on cigarettes. I have given my mom around 2000 to help her out with house payments. She keeps saying that we have so much (when we don't, we have 300 a month leftover after rent and bills for food and gas for a family of three) and we don't help her out. She blames me for "running her dry'" when I was a teenager because "it costs a lot of money to raise a child". I'm aware it's expensive to have a child but don't blame the child that you don't have any money! I went to college and paid for it on my own, she didn't help at all. I guess I'm just wondering how to approach her and say she is spending way too much money on cigarettes. 160 a month is ridiculous! Everytime I attempt to bring it up she says "Oh, it's my only pleasure in life, leave me alone!" I'm just frustrated that I can't get through to her, she doesn't have enough money for food because she spends it all on smoking. She won't quit but she could at least cut down, she smokes over a pack a day,, usually two a day. I refuse to pay for her to smoke and if I give her money that is where it will all go...

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."- Mahatma Gandhi
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 1:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mickiamommyof4
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 1:26 PM

If smoking is her "only pleasure" and you should leave her alone...then i say she should take up a new pleasure and making sure she has enough food to make her belly happy. Otherwise take her "leave me alone" literally when she barely has any food. Hunger is a great motivater. Good luck!

eating

2murphyboys
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 3:21 PM

Paying her twice the amount that you would someone else to watch your child isn't helping? Hmmmm. Sounds selfish and like you need to get another daycare provider and "leave her alone". She wants to smoke away her life fine but she doesn't need to drag you down too. Bring it up one last time and tell her if she doesn't cut down than not only is she going to kill herself but that you refuse to watch and will find alternate child care.

seriously the lady I've been using charges 2.50 an hr per child. If you have 1 child and she were to watch her for 6 hrs a week it would only be 15 a week. You'd save 40 bucks PLUS you're alternate care may not smoke so your little one wont be exposed.

01.Amey.07
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 3:26 PM

How does she not have money for food? If she has $275 left over a mth PLUS $30 for FS and spends $160 on cigs..that leaves her $145 (including FS) to cover food...

CallieLynsMommy
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 3:44 PM

I understand what you mean my only problem is standing by and watching her not eat to smoke instead. She'd gladly eat one meal every two days in order to smoke. I guess I'm just looking for a way to get through to her but she won't listen.

Quoting Mickiamommyof4:

If smoking is her "only pleasure" and you should leave her alone...then i say she should take up a new pleasure and making sure she has enough food to make her belly happy. Otherwise take her "leave me alone" literally when she barely has any food. Hunger is a great motivater. Good luck!

eating


"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."- Mahatma Gandhi
scootermom
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 3:48 PM


Quoting 2murphyboys:

Paying her twice the amount that you would someone else to watch your child isn't helping? Hmmmm. Sounds selfish and like you need to get another daycare provider and "leave her alone". She wants to smoke away her life fine but she doesn't need to drag you down too. Bring it up one last time and tell her if she doesn't cut down than not only is she going to kill herself but that you refuse to watch and will find alternate child care.

seriously the lady I've been using charges 2.50 an hr per child. If you have 1 child and she were to watch her for 6 hrs a week it would only be 15 a week. You'd save 40 bucks PLUS you're alternate care may not smoke so your little one wont be exposed.


CallieLynsMommy
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 3:49 PM

Well, I'm giving her some money for gas too, we live about 25 miles away from her so she drives out here. I've tried everything, even getting her the "electronic cigarette", which costs about 100 dollars because she said she'd use that and stop but clearly, it didn't work. I think it may be time for me to find alternative care if she refuses to change. I don't let her take DD anywhere because her car smells super smoky (even though she does have a car seat). She doesn't smoke while she is here thank goodness but the smell still lingers on her clothes and her hair, which really bothers me. She likes to spend time with DD but if she doesn't break this nasty habit that is using up all of her money and worsening her health then perhaps giving her an ultimatium is the only way.

I guess my problem is that I know myself and I won't just standby and let her not have food, I'll cave in. I just need to be stronger and set my foot down. Thanks for your advice!

Quoting 2murphyboys:

Paying her twice the amount that you would someone else to watch your child isn't helping? Hmmmm. Sounds selfish and like you need to get another daycare provider and "leave her alone". She wants to smoke away her life fine but she doesn't need to drag you down too. Bring it up one last time and tell her if she doesn't cut down than not only is she going to kill herself but that you refuse to watch and will find alternate child care.

seriously the lady I've been using charges 2.50 an hr per child. If you have 1 child and she were to watch her for 6 hrs a week it would only be 15 a week. You'd save 40 bucks PLUS you're alternate care may not smoke so your little one wont be exposed.


"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."- Mahatma Gandhi
CallieLynsMommy
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 3:52 PM

That's where the long story part comes into play. She also watches another child from Friday afternoon- Sunday night that she feeds and buys a bunch of stuff for. She just spends money on this other little girl without thinking and then expects me to give money to her when she's low. I can't really explain the logic of spending money on a kid that is not family, is ungrateful, and trashes your house...I am often driven crazy by this but I can't do anything about it.

Quoting 01.Amey.07:

How does she not have money for food? If she has $275 left over a mth PLUS $30 for FS and spends $160 on cigs..that leaves her $145 (including FS) to cover food...


"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."- Mahatma Gandhi
ForeverMeme
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:01 PM

hon you will NOT get your mom to quit smoking, you are just wasting your time. Smoking is an addiction, one of the most powerful known to man (or woman!) It is right up there with heroin. Nothing you say will change that. She is the only one who can stop the addiction, you can't.

She is way out of line telling you what you owe her for raising you, THAT is your biggest issue in my book! 

CormacsMommy
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:06 PM

simply point out to her that she spends almost $2000 per year in cigs and that is what you have helped her as far as rent and give her a choice tell her you will not give ehr money any more and she can figure it out.  She probably doesn't even realize what she spends a year in cigs.  Most don't when I point it out

illiana707
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:12 PM

You won't get her to quit. Only she can make that choice. I would simply show her where her moneys goes. Then when she tries to sponge money off you say sorry we don't have the money to give but I can bring you some leftovers if you are short on food.

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