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post tramatic stress (after a baby dies)

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 1:43 PM
  • 13 Replies
anyone else delt with this after losing a baby. my son lived just under a month, genetic kidney disorder. i have another child, he is 4, goes to prek and i worry so much about him now. i cry everymorning that i leave for work, praying nothing will happen to him, i just get so freaked out that he is going to die if i am not there to protect him. i guess it is just the reality that a child, my child, can die... that is hard to deal with, and if god took one of my babies, who is to say that i he wont take both, i know i have to work to support my family and he needs to get out and interact with his peers and i do trust his teachers. but this has been going on since sept when i went back to teaching, i thought it would pass with time but it hasnt.. and advise is greatly appreciated.
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 1:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
EsmeVincent
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 1:58 PM

I am so sorry for your loss but I have no idea what you are going though, but I know that it is VERY hard to get over a death to anyone that you are very close to...Have you been able to talk to a support group or someone to help you though this?  But I can say this, No matter how hard you try to protect him, you can't protect him from life

I know ALL moms think their children are perfect and some may say mine is abnormal but I would rather my child be abnormal if YOU are what you call NORMAL

meandmyshadow
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:04 PM

I hope your son has been tested to make sure he is healthy.  I've never been in your position.  I think it's going to take a long time to get over losing your baby.  There are many support groups out there.  Contact just about any church.  Our church has outreach ministries and you can join a group or have some one on one time with the trained counselors.

Live Simply...Give More...Expect Less

quellhorst
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:05 PM

I will say I dont know what you are going through from your point of view. However I to lost a child at a young age, and have 2 more children, and worrying about your child will never go away. I have found that out, however I focus more on things I can do to protect them, to keep my worries off what can, might, possibly happen if im not there. Things like making sure car seats are okay, making sure their health is good. Things like that, things I can control, and I try not to focus on things that are out of my control.

I believe everything happens for a reason, and when your time comes it comes. Therefore I try to help my children have happy lives. I really dont know how to say what I want to say but if you need someone to talk to you can PM me or add me so we can chat. I have been through the loss of a child and do worry about my children that are at home with me also.

norahsmommy
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:05 PM

You should consider joining a support group.  They really help. I had a miscarriage at 12 wks and got pregnant right after it and was terrified things would go wrong then a few months later my dd broke her arm and I freaked out. Just the reality of knowing that things can and sometimes do happen to our kids makes it very hard.  I am very aware that life is precious and at any time can be lost.  there are support groups for loss on here that are helpful and you may want to ask your doc or church if there are any around you as well. I am so very sorry for your loss. 

"A government big enough to give you everything you want, is also a government big enough to take from you all that you have." - Gerald Ford

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety  deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction.  We didn't pass it on to our children in the bloodstream.  It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free."  - Ronald Reagan

CANDYLC
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:06 PM

We have lost two of our babies and it is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Your feeling are completely normal and they may not go away for a long time. I am in a very supportive group on here if you would like to join for mothers of angel babies. The people on there are great and will be very supportive and we all know your pain. I am very sorry for your loss and if you need to talk I am here for you.

adamjackie
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:07 PM

I have not lost a child but I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I strongly advise you to seek counseling. I was a mess. I started counseling and now I am on meds. Honestly getting myself help has made me a better mom. PM me anytime if you want to talk.


Logan_Bellasmom
by Falling Starr on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:08 PM

Yes I went trough that for a little after Arwen died. My family took Logan to lunch who was 3 at the time and i freaked out so much they carried me in the house made me take my valium and put me to bed. I got over it fast when i saw that was hurting my son to do that. You NEED to see someone or join a support group to get trough it.

Because i love my little girl  Because yes i am Bipolar

Trisomy 18 Has affected my life For my aunt

For my grampa (lung cancer) For my papa (liver cancer)

Pink and Blue because infants deserve to be remembered too

WHAT COLORS ARE IN YOUR LIFE?

sherry132
by Ruby Member on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:11 PM

My first daughter passed in 1990. My second daughter wasn't born until 1994.

I was terrified God would take my DD. I pretty much shut down for years after my 1st died.

Even today... almost twenty years later I still have issues.

My dd is 15 now and I have so many rules because I am so afraid of losing her. She really gets very frustrated with me

 

But I just can't get over it.

I have learned to deal with it better. But what you are going through is normal. Your security of your children always being with you is gone. The reality that your child can die is too much for a mother.

As time goes by you'll learn how to hide some of it from the rest of the world. You'll stop crying every day. You'll learn how to go on without your child.

But there is nothing, and there is noone that can fix this pain. Honey, I am so very sorry. PM me if you need too.  

mama2mycuties
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:18 PM

It takes a lot of time and support to get to a point where you can feel a little safe again for your other children.....but it never goes away completely..Jan will be 3yrs since our dd died and I went thru a deep state of depression after she died, I turned into a hermit basically it was painful to go anywhere because everywhere I turned there were reminders. I got overly paranoid about my older kids, we had another baby and it was EXTREMELY STRESSFUL, i didn't feel joy like i did with the others because i was constantly worried about more birth defects and didn't want to get excited and then feel that letdown again.

Try to find a local support group like Compassionate Friends....and look for books to help you thru this time written by parents who actually understand and are bereaved as well. For me regular therapy did nothing, I only felt resentment towards the therapist because they had not experienced the death of a child so i never felt comfortable. .....but give it a shot you never know. Do things to honor your child, it helps to keep their memory alive and for me really helped with the healing. I work with families at the hospital going thru loss it has been a humbling and healing experience.....heartbreaking of course but I cherish every little soul that I've met.

I'll keep you in my thoughts, I'm so sorry for your loss and hope things get better for you, that you can find some peace in the dark.

mama2mycuties
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 2:22 PM

this is so true that it made me cry.......you learn ways to deal with it better, ways to hide the pain better because everyone expects you to move on........but you just learn how to cry in the dark .......and how to put on a brave face and fake smile in public

Quoting sherry132:

My first daughter passed in 1990. My second daughter wasn't born until 1994.

I was terrified God would take my DD. I pretty much shut down for years after my 1st died.

Even today... almost twenty years later I still have issues.

My dd is 15 now and I have so many rules because I am so afraid of losing her. She really gets very frustrated with me

 

But I just can't get over it.

I have learned to deal with it better. But what you are going through is normal. Your security of your children always being with you is gone. The reality that your child can die is too much for a mother.

As time goes by you'll learn how to hide some of it from the rest of the world. You'll stop crying every day. You'll learn how to go on without your child.

But there is nothing, and there is noone that can fix this pain. Honey, I am so very sorry. PM me if you need too.  


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