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? for those who got divorsed for other reasons other than cheating...

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 3:41 PM
  • 8 Replies

i have spent 5 years with my husband(married for alittle over 2) and am thinking of divorce. he is latino which i would like to say doesnt make a difference but i honestly think it does. there is no affection, we are always arguing..wether it be about the kids, money, family, anything. i have said i was going to leave countless times and he has always talked me into staying and so last time(about 2 months ago) i told him i wasnt having the conversation again, i was just leaving. well i told him today that i was leaving. we fought all weekend again and its just so old! the past two weekends i turned him down for sex because there was no affection during the week. seems like such little things but it feels like a living hell to me!

we looked into councling. we did it once before we were married and it did help but things just went back to the way they were after we got married. we cant afford to do it now.

so for those who might have had relationships like mine, how long did you put up with it??

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by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 3:41 PM
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Replies (1-8):
ljsmamma07
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:06 PM

anyone??

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dusky_rose
by Sue on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:08 PM

 I left because of abuse but here is a bump.

jacobsmommy122
by on Nov. 16, 2009 at 4:26 PM

i was with my hsband for 5 years and married for 2 yers also. i have 2 boys ages 2.5 years and 5 months.i am now in the proces of divorce bc he would constantly yell at me and make me feel stupid. the only time he was nice was when he wanted to have sex. he cheated on me when first started dating but that is all i know of.  i, like you, left him many times but this last time was it. i just couldnt take all the yelling anymore. not only was it hard for me to be in a relatinship like that but it wa not good for my children. they didnt need to hear all hat yelling. all ican tell you is that if you are unhappy and your argueing all the time then its probably best for all of you if you left him. we have tried counseling butit just went back to the same way it was before. if you are going t leave then do it and dont go back. try to keep the conversations just about the kid(s) no personal stuff. if you eve need someone to talk to then jus emailme.

ljsmamma07
by on Nov. 17, 2009 at 10:06 AM

oh my gosh i think we have the same life!! my husband thinks im just having "one of those days" but between all the fighting(which of course now that i said it, we arnt) and no affection, feeling like crap, and half the time he is critisizing (he says joking) everything i do! we did councling before we were married and it did help. but after we got married i found out about a online affair that he had been having for over a year. we went to councling after that and she said it would never work and we never went back. here we are 2 years later and i have truly forgiven and forgot about all that but everything else is the same...i just want to know what im doing is right. my parents are divoced and it was hell.still is. i love him with all my heart but ready to be treated right!

Quoting jacobsmommy122:

i was with my hsband for 5 years and married for 2 yers also. i have 2 boys ages 2.5 years and 5 months.i am now in the proces of divorce bc he would constantly yell at me and make me feel stupid. the only time he was nice was when he wanted to have sex. he cheated on me when first started dating but that is all i know of.  i, like you, left him many times but this last time was it. i just couldnt take all the yelling anymore. not only was it hard for me to be in a relatinship like that but it wa not good for my children. they didnt need to hear all hat yelling. all ican tell you is that if you are unhappy and your argueing all the time then its probably best for all of you if you left him. we have tried counseling butit just went back to the same way it was before. if you are going t leave then do it and dont go back. try to keep the conversations just about the kid(s) no personal stuff. if you eve need someone to talk to then jus emailme.


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01.Amey.07
by on Nov. 17, 2009 at 10:08 AM

I would attempt a seperation and more counseling before I got divorced. There is usually a reason behind the fighting and lack of affection, that may take a LOT of work to uncover and resolve...but that's what you agreed to do when you said "for better or for worse".

01.Amey.07
by on Nov. 17, 2009 at 10:09 AM

Then you stick it out and find a better counseler!!

Quoting ljsmamma07:

oh my gosh i think we have the same life!! my husband thinks im just having "one of those days" but between all the fighting(which of course now that i said it, we arnt) and no affection, feeling like crap, and half the time he is critisizing (he says joking) everything i do! we did councling before we were married and it did help. but after we got married i found out about a online affair that he had been having for over a year. we went to councling after that and she said it would never work and we never went back. here we are 2 years later and i have truly forgiven and forgot about all that but everything else is the same...i just want to know what im doing is right. my parents are divoced and it was hell.still is. i love him with all my heart but ready to be treated right!

Quoting jacobsmommy122:

i was with my hsband for 5 years and married for 2 yers also. i have 2 boys ages 2.5 years and 5 months.i am now in the proces of divorce bc he would constantly yell at me and make me feel stupid. the only time he was nice was when he wanted to have sex. he cheated on me when first started dating but that is all i know of.  i, like you, left him many times but this last time was it. i just couldnt take all the yelling anymore. not only was it hard for me to be in a relatinship like that but it wa not good for my children. they didnt need to hear all hat yelling. all ican tell you is that if you are unhappy and your argueing all the time then its probably best for all of you if you left him. we have tried counseling butit just went back to the same way it was before. if you are going t leave then do it and dont go back. try to keep the conversations just about the kid(s) no personal stuff. if you eve need someone to talk to then jus emailme.



mushmom
by on Nov. 17, 2009 at 10:12 AM

I agree.  If you love him, try harder to work things out.  I know counseling is expensive but divorces aren't cheap either.  If you didn't love him, I'd say different.

ljsmamma07
by on Nov. 17, 2009 at 5:30 PM

his lack of affection is part of his culture and the way he was raised. course i know he knows what to do cause he does it when he knows im to the breaking point. belive me i dont want a divorce, i plan on being married for the rest of my life, but sometimes its not what always happens. we are going slow right now and seeing where the next couple weeks/months take us, but i do have a back up plan at this piont.

Quoting 01.Amey.07:

I would attempt a seperation and more counseling before I got divorced. There is usually a reason behind the fighting and lack of affection, that may take a LOT of work to uncover and resolve...but that's what you agreed to do when you said "for better or for worse".


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