So this is going to be kind of long, I apologize in advance for that. I have this friend, Kristina. We've been friends for years. She lived with my husband and I a few months back, and ended up going back to her moms. After she moved out, she got into a problem with using drugs, like heroin. This went on for a while more, and eventually she stopped. (I know this for certain) In the process, she lost her job (for talking on her phone repeatedly, against policy) Since then shes had her license suspended for not paying a ticket, her insurance ran out, her registration ran out, her inspection ran out, etc. We paid her restoration fee for her to get her license back, and its still not resolved. Anyway...shes been staying with her father. But now her dad and step mom are moving. they are having the electric shut off, there is no food there, etc. Shes been staying here alot. Once the electric is off, she is supposed to go stay with her mom. They do NOT get along at all. Her mom is overly strict, and anal about everything. She wants Kristina to clean her whole house every day, while looking for a job, and once she has a job to pay 150/week. I felt bad for her, and told her she could stay here again until she is back on her feet.
The thing is...she gets on my nerves sooooo bad. She is kind of lazy, slobbish, smart mouthed, etc. She doesn't really do much to better her situation, and she is always so negative about it, about everything. I can only do what I can. I am worried that I am going to get soo tired of her that it's going to mess up our friendship by having her stay here. I dont know what to do?! I already told her she could stay here. We've told her she needs to help out around the house, etc. She is supposed to be coming tomorrow, and by then I'd like to have some "conditions" for staying here. Any advice? On anything? The conditions, how to keep my cool, etc?! I think I am going crazy lol
Quoting LilMomma1229:
So this is going to be kind of long, I apologize in advance for that. I have this friend, Kristina. We've been friends for years. She lived with my husband and I a few months back, and ended up going back to her moms. After she moved out, she got into a problem with using drugs, like heroin. This went on for a while more, and eventually she stopped. (I know this for certain) In the process, she lost her job (for talking on her phone repeatedly, against policy) Since then shes had her license suspended for not paying a ticket, her insurance ran out, her registration ran out, her inspection ran out, etc. We paid her restoration fee for her to get her license back, and its still not resolved. Anyway...shes been staying with her father. But now her dad and step mom are moving. they are having the electric shut off, there is no food there, etc. Shes been staying here alot. Once the electric is off, she is supposed to go stay with her mom. They do NOT get along at all. Her mom is overly strict, and anal about everything. She wants Kristina to clean her whole house every day, while looking for a job, and once she has a job to pay 150/week. I felt bad for her, and told her she could stay here again until she is back on her feet.
The thing is...she gets on my nerves sooooo bad. She is kind of lazy, slobbish, smart mouthed, etc. She doesn't really do much to better her situation, and she is always so negative about it, about everything. I can only do what I can. I am worried that I am going to get soo tired of her that it's going to mess up our friendship by having her stay here. I dont know what to do?! I already told her she could stay here. We've told her she needs to help out around the house, etc. She is supposed to be coming tomorrow, and by then I'd like to have some "conditions" for staying here. Any advice? On anything? The conditions, how to keep my cool, etc?! I think I am going crazy lol
You are a very generous and caring person, but for christs sake and that of your child PLEASE do not let this toxic mess into your home. PLEASE.
Don't let a heroin addict move into a house with children living in it. She may be clean now but you never know if she will relapse. And she sounds to be lazy and disrespectful. She needs to get her life together. Don't let her be co-dependent on you. It really isn't helping her.
Maybe her mom puts those conditions on her because she is lazy, slobbish and doesn't do much to help her situation. Some people like that will never change unless they have completely hit rock bottom and have nothing at all.
Quoting LilMomma1229:So this is going to be kind of long, I apologize in advance for that. I have this friend, Kristina. We've been friends for years. She lived with my husband and I a few months back, and ended up going back to her moms. After she moved out, she got into a problem with using drugs, like heroin. This went on for a while more, and eventually she stopped. (I know this for certain) In the process, she lost her job (for talking on her phone repeatedly, against policy) Since then shes had her license suspended for not paying a ticket, her insurance ran out, her registration ran out, her inspection ran out, etc. We paid her restoration fee for her to get her license back, and its still not resolved. Anyway...shes been staying with her father. But now her dad and step mom are moving. they are having the electric shut off, there is no food there, etc. Shes been staying here alot. Once the electric is off, she is supposed to go stay with her mom. They do NOT get along at all. Her mom is overly strict, and anal about everything. She wants Kristina to clean her whole house every day, while looking for a job, and once she has a job to pay 150/week. I felt bad for her, and told her she could stay here again until she is back on her feet.
The thing is...she gets on my nerves sooooo bad. She is kind of lazy, slobbish, smart mouthed, etc. She doesn't really do much to better her situation, and she is always so negative about it, about everything. I can only do what I can. I am worried that I am going to get soo tired of her that it's going to mess up our friendship by having her stay here. I dont know what to do?! I already told her she could stay here. We've told her she needs to help out around the house, etc. She is supposed to be coming tomorrow, and by then I'd like to have some "conditions" for staying here. Any advice? On anything? The conditions, how to keep my cool, etc?! I think I am going crazy lol
Ditto!!!
Quoting mommibee:Don't let a heroin addict move into a house with children living in it. She may be clean now but you never know if she will relapse. And she sounds to be lazy and disrespectful. She needs to get her life together. Don't let her be co-dependent on you. It really isn't helping her.
I honestly would not want her to stay at my house, but if you already promised she could and you don't want to go back on your word give her some guidlines. For instance she has to atleast clean up after herself if you don't feel right giving her exact chores. No drugs are allowed at all in or around your house or family. Tell her she should work on finding a job so she can work on fixing the rest of the issues with the license, registration and insurance, plus so she can work on getting her own place...maybe then she'd be a happier person.
Quoting Katsmommy:
I honestly would not want her to stay at my house, but if you already promised she could and you don't want to go back on your word give her some guidlines. For instance she has to atleast clean up after herself if you don't feel right giving her exact chores. No drugs are allowed at all in or around your house or family. Tell her she should work on finding a job so she can work on fixing the rest of the issues with the license, registration and insurance, plus so she can work on getting her own place...maybe then she'd be a happier person.
Thank you. Actually, I want to thank all of you. I really do appreciate everyones opinions on this matter. The drugs thing really isn't an issue to me at this moment (that may sound bad but its not how I mean it) I just know for a fact that she is not on drugs, and if for one second I believed she was, or whatever, it would be no question, I just went through that with my Dad staying here. I just already told her she could stay...I got a call from her after I posted this, she was with a friend all day who took her to put in applications. That's a good thing I guess. I told my husband that I didn't want to have her here for more than 3 months. I didnt know if that sounded too long, or not long enough. IMO I think thats enough time to get started on getting on her feet. By then, she should have a job, and be already working on getting her shit together. It is my friend, and I do love her...I just don't know if I like the idea of sharing my home. In the past year alone, Ive already had her stay with us, then my father, which was a MESS, and now her again. One after another, I just feel like I am giving up my home even though Ive worked so hard to finally get here. I also told my husband, before she even came, that I want her to know I don't really want her to be here for Christmas, which kind of sounds mean, but I think that should be our family time. Im confused. &*^#&$# GArrrh! I want to help her out...but I dont want to deal with it on the other hand, lol. Its a big mess, I got myself into it though, lol. Anyway, thanks again ladies for the advice. :)
I agree with this... And the part about how her mom treats her... If that is all that you have to say about her.... I don't think that is so bad. Even if the mom wanted her to clean the entire house without helping her to do it... on top of paying 150 a week, I don't think that is such a bad thing. Your friend is a grown woman and asking a grown woman to to clean a house and pay 150 a week is not unreasonable. Its called responsibility. And you are not helping her by acting like its such a big deal for her to have to those things. What do you expect her to do when/if she gets out on her own? She will have to get a full time job and she will have to clean her house or apartment and even cook for herself. And she will have to pay rent that is probably going to cost 150 a week or more. It will not help her one bit to enable her. You cannot be around her all the time. And you can not take care of her for the rest of her life. Why would you want to?
Quoting cmb121906:You said yourself that she doesn't help herself or her situation. IMO, you are just condoning and enabling her. Tough love!!
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I dont want to take care of her for the rest of her life, nor mine, lol.
I also, do not think that what her mom was asking is that bad. I guess in the moment of hearing everything, face to face from her, I just felt bad. I have to do all those things too, clean my house, pay rent, etc. I also have the added responsibility of a child, and a husband.
The situation with her mom is more complex than what I described. Her and her mother do not get along. I know her mom loves her, but there is no love being shown. From either one of them. It's like Kristina is under a microscope and everything she does is being examined. A few months back she was in the hospital for cutting herself. She wanted to die, she was very depressed, and her mother didn't even come to visit her.
I dont know, now it just sounds like I am making excuses for her...I dont really know how I feel. I am already regretting it, but I already told her it was okay...now what do i do?! =/
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- LilMomma1229
on Nov. 18, 2009 at 7:58 PM