Are we being selfish? (edited 11/20/09 8:57 pm CST)

[mom.of.twins]

A little background here....my husband and I struggled for over four years to get pregnant and finally had twin girls in August of 2008. Yay, us! Well due to severe endometriosis and polycystic ovarian syndrome, I had a full hysterectomy with removal of ovaries in June of 2009 and obviously cannot have any more children of my own. My husband and I wanted three children, so we are in the process of adopting a baby that is due in January.

Now people are telling us that we are being selfish for adopting because there are people out there who never had any kids of their own and we have two. So we don't need to adopt. We are taking a baby away from someone who "deserves it more." And sadly, this is the view of a few family members of mine. Thankfully my husband's family is being super supportive as his aunt and uncle have adopted two boys.

So I guess I want to know from you ladies what your thoughts are. Is it selfish of us to adopt this baby? We feel like this is the right thing to do, but now that we are being talked to like this, I am starting to doubt myself. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

First of all, thank you SO much ladies! Your words of encouragement mean so much to me! I also wanted to add something for those of you who do not want to read through the comments before posting...

My husband and I were foster parents before our twins were born. We loved it and found it to be VERY rewarding. However, it was also very difficult becoming so attached to some children and then having to send them off. We want something more permanent. This adoption sort of fell into our laps as our friend called and asked if we wanted a baby. She was in Iraq with a woman who got pregnant and this lady wanted us to have her baby because of all she had heard of our family. We have since flown the 1800 miles to meet her and are all set to adopt her baby when it arrives in January.

[Mesha125]

no way. There are MILLIONS of kids out there that need parents. Hows that selfish? 

[briansmommy7143]

Ok, yes there are people out there who can't have babies, but there are also MILLIONS of children who need homes... so that doesn't make sense. I say go for it! You should be able to have as many children as you wish, regardless of how many others can have.

[wickedfiress]

I don't see at all how adoption is selfish -ever.

[preciouschild]

If you can afford another child then all the power to you.There are a ton of children out there needing parents.

[allyson2212]

There are hundreds and thousands of children that need to be adopted. Adopting a child and giving it a better life is one of the most unselfish things you could ever do. Maybe the ones that are saying these things need to do some research on the population of children up for adoption, and then they might get a better view of how many of them are in desperate need for families like your own. Congrats hun, you are doing a GREAT thing!  

[Nzumbe]

The only thing selfish about it is that you're adopting a baby and not an older child.  That baby will almost definitely get a home but an older child is more likely to never find one.  Why not adopt another child your daughter's age?

[Babe587]

Quoting briansmommy7143:

Ok, yes there are people out there who can't have babies, but there are also MILLIONS of children who need homes... so that doesn't make sense. I say go for it! You should be able to have as many children as you wish, regardless of how many others can have.

[mamabeth4180]

It isn't selfish to want more children, if you can afford it and whatnot.

Although, personally, I being a birthmom of a child placed for adoption, only chose applications of those who wanted children but didn't have any yet . Not because i thought that the parents who already had children were selfish, i just wanted to be able to give to a family that didn't.

I say go for it, who cares what other people think, it is about you and your family, not anyone else's

[CaneWife]

There are more babies who need homes than there are places to put them.

If you can afford it, good for you for adopting. You're not taking anything away from anyone.

[HungarianQueen]

 I don't think its selfish at all as long as you can give him/her a good, loving home. There are so many kids out there that need adopting, unfortunately everyone wants babies and not   children. BUT, you need to adopt the person that fits your family and if thats a baby then go for it.