now that i finally have a moment to update you all on my BD situation.

[swesolek6]

sorry, i have been meaning to update you earlier but i have been working 530 am til 830 pm for the past two days straight.

soo after everything happened that night, i told him to get his sh*t and get out of my house. when he came to get his things the next day, my two friends were there with me for support because i really didnt wnt to get emotional again..

but anywho, he asked to talk to me downstairs, and when we went downstairs he sat down and told me how he didnt completely mean what he said about just staying with me because his family wanted the baby.  he said that he was just angry, and he did still care about me, but he said that he had started to eresent me for keeping the baby because he thought i was keeping the baby so he would stay or something..? but dont bash him for that, i know that was an idiotic way to think of things and i dont wanna hear about it from every single woman on here lol but he said that he talked to his dad because his dad had him when he was 21. (his dads was a POS while he was growing up;beat him, screamed at him all the time, an all around POS) but hes a little better now.  his dad had told him that he was scared sh*tless of becoming a father, but he did what he had to do because he loved BD's mom. and then he talked to my dad who had my oldest sister at 22, and my dad said he was ecstatic to become a father so he could be as awesome of a dad as his dad was.

so he was saying how he was scared of trying to be a father and failing, and i tried to explain to him that you dont just get one chance with children.. babies love you inconditionally, and instincts start to kick in sometime after the baby is born..  and he said he wanted to try to change the way he was thinking about it, and he wanted to try to start wanting the baby, and started this by coming to my ultrasound with me.  before the ultrasound he was helping me full my bladder(because i, being the smart cookie i am, peed right before i left) and was joking around with me and laughing and keeping me smiling the whole time beforehand, and ran out to the car to find my prescription for the us when i left it in the car.  he was even poking the baby to try and get him to kick me in the bladder when i finally had to pee haha, side note:THE BABY LISTENED. it was cruel. and then during the ultrasound he was watching the screen and rubbing my legs and it was nice, and when we found out the baby was a boy, he seemed honestly happy.  then after the ultrasound we went to mcD's and talked about names for the baby, and he called his friends and told them it was a boy..

the next day, i went out shopping and got baby clothes, and when we went to his parents house, i showed them to him, and he kindof seemed indifferent but the clothes might just be a mommy thing lol.

hes still living here, but we are not together. like. we still sleep in the same bed at night when he comes home before i have to go to work. we dont have sex, and HE kissed ME goodbye the other day, i have not kissed him goodbye at all because i dont wanna go there and get myself hyped up over something i am not positive will go through..

i guess im just trying to protect my heart.  im scared that this is shortlasting, and he will go back to the way he was.. at much as i would LOVE if he would stay this way for the rest of my pregnancy, i think that might be asking too much, but this is me being pessimistic, idk. i guess im expecting the worst, so if the best happens, it makes it that much better.

im still sticking to my guns with not being treated like crap though. i told him that im done if he starts treating me like crap again. i dont need that and neither does my son.

now all i have to do is wait, as i expect the worst while hoping for the best.

[babybratnc]

Good luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[snowysakurasky]

congratulations.... very exciting... hope he sticks around and u guys work it out