Before I begin let me give you a background.....
My friend we will call her N and her husband who we will call D have been together for 12 years. D will be 35 next week and seems to think he is the man of all mans ( worse then most men do). D was in the Navy ( thats how i met N) but he was discharged for being a diabetic and an alcoholic. They gave him more chances then most even when he had pot in his system they let him stay in and they put him through a 60 day in patient program. once he completed the 60 day program he went right back to booze weed and ectasy. When they discharged him from the navy the didnt give him medical or dishonrable just a plain discharge and told him to apply for disability because of his diabetes and alcoholism ( they said because its a desease also). That was back in April. He hasnt recieved any disability benefits yet and its still in process.
now current ....
N has been working her tail off to provide for them unfortunalty she isnt making enough to pay rent or get an apartment so they got evicted back in early October. My hubby and I decided they could stay at our place for a SHORT time. N does pay us $100 each pay day ( twice a month) and uses her food stamps to buy them food and me formula for DD if i need it.
D on the other hand has not bothered to look for a job since last April. he sits and plays is playstation and drinks all day long, steals money from N's purse to buy beer.
Today I hid his beer from him and he said " where is my beer?" and I told him he had to turn in the application i brought home for him ( to a gas station right by the house) before he could have it. he ended up finding the beer and as i went to grab it he snatched it from me and said " yoru not my mother so shut the fuck up !" I told him " this is MY house that you do not pay anything, you dont help contribute and this is a SHORT TERM situation and instead of drinking away N's pay checks it was time for him to grow up and be a man and provide" and he called me a stupid bitch blah blah so I told him he has 1 week to get a job or he is out on the street.
N know's I went off on him and she is grateful i did. She went off on him not too long ago and he started to get violent with her.
Why they are together i dont know i wish they werent. she is a much better person then him and get a REAL man. but she loves him and wants to stick it out with him.
Do you think I went overboard with him ?
I love my friend so much and I hate seeing her hurt because he is a piece of shit.
Does anyone have any sugestions on how to get his pathetic ass to put the alcohol down and get a job ?
**** something that really pisses me off is the fact that he thinks he deserves a disability check. HE DOESNT PERIOD ! you can work and be healthy and diabetic i have plenty of family who are and do. he has had the help to stop his alcoholism and he CHOOSES to continue to use. he doesnt deserve jack SHIT!
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oh I just wanted to add, he drinks only in their room keeps the beer in the fridge but doesnt open it unless he is in their room because I told him i dont want it around my kids. I also told him tonight that there will be NO MORE alcohol in this house ( even though i have liqour hidden away- but he doesnt know that)
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Oh i did tell her she is more then welcome to stay she is working hard to better her situation. but him NO i told her also that he has 1 week to get a job or he is gone.
Quoting kelleygirl76:
I would kick his sorry ass out. Let your friend (and kids if there are any) stay, but this guy sounds violent and I would not want someone like that around MY child. Good lcuk!
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I just dont want her to think i am trying to ruin her marriage ( they have no kids thank god !) I honestly dont want to ruin it but I know she is stronger then she lets herself to believe and she can do SOOOOOO much better then him.
Quoting KT9105:
No you didn't go overboard. Do her a favor and kick his ass out and just help her out. She actually deserves it.
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he's going to have to hit rock bottom before anything can be done. i'm assuming since you told him that HE'LL be out on the street, you're not going to kick your friend out, right? i would sit her down and lay out the game plan. if he passes the 7 day mark without at least making an effort to get a job, you will have to put your foot down and kick him out. personally, i would tell her either she (a) stays and he's not allowed to step foot on your property or (b) she has to go too. i know that sounds harsh, but if she's going to be an enabler, you can't get sucked into it. your child does not need that situation in what should be a stable home environment. also, i suggest that you make a contingency plan for various other situations like:
1. he gets kicked out, but then finds a job quickly and wants to come back.
2. he gets a job to avoid getting kicked out, but then quits or gets fired for his own irresponsibility.
best of luck. i know it's hard to think about kicking your friend out when she really needs the help, but if she's enabling, she's just as much a part of his addiction and needs to stop HER behavior too.
Even if they stay together thats their choice he just needs to be a man !! he is always talking shit about my husband because he is only 23 yrs old but like i told him today " you may be 35 my husband may be 23 but my husband is more of a man than you will ever be you worthless piece of shit" yea that might have been a bit harsh but then again the truth hurts !
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You'd probably be doing her a favor by throwing his ass out. Let her stay as long as she needs to, but he needs to get the heck out now!
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I absolutely dont think you went overboard. Its your house, and where does he get off talking to you that way? You're a better woman than me, because I would've kicked him out right then and there. Maybe after the week is up, and he still hasn't done anything, and yu kick him out...your friend will see that she needs to re prioritize her life. She sounds like a decent person, and it sounds like hes just weighing her down.
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- NavyWifey122305
on Nov. 20, 2009 at 11:45 PM