The gripping fear that I can't get a grip on.

[Jynnifer292]

 

It took me until the age of 20 to get my drivers license.  Driving made me nervous so I put it off as long as I could.  An invitation from a friend that lived about an hour and a half away made me face my fear and drive for the first time on the highway.  I had a great time, spent the night, and woke up to a raging snow storm and about a foot of all ready fallen snow.

I started my drive home. About an hour later, I found myself at the bottom of a hill, after spinning across three lanes of highway. 

Here I am, seventeen years later. I don't drive far from home, the highway terrifies me, and I have actually pulled over to vomit when I am forced to drive in the snow. I have driven on the highway twice since that accident.  I have no choice but to drive in snow, I live in New England.

I find myself today in a familiar situation, not going somewhere that I desperately want to go because of the fear.  A dear friend is driving a couple of hours to see my sister in law. I have not seen her in 9 years.  She was my safe haven during a rough time in my life and I have missed her.  Seeing her today would mean putting my two small children in my car and making a 40 minute drive on the highway to my sister in law's house. I want to. Why can't I friggin do it? My husband wants to know the same thing. He refuses to drive me. I know he is trying to force me to do it myself. He thinks he is helping, yet, it pisses me off at the same time. I know that if anyone else called him for a favor, he would be there in an instant.  I ask very little of him. Maybe he thinks if I get pissed off enough, I will just do it. Maybe I will.

 

Can anyone relate?

 

Update, I just drove my boys to the doctor's office, about an hour away, mostly highway.  I made my husband go for the ride but I did it and was surprisingly okay. It was the first time in six years! Jeesh! 

[southernjess3]

i was in a bad bus crash when i was younger. i had to get my lisence when i was 19 because i needed it. i cant drive on highways. definetly not on freeways. my family lives an hour away in a town with tons of traffic and 6 lanes. i have to have my dh drive me..im grown and i cant drive myself to doctor appointments..

[isra1986]

My friends fiancee passed away in a car crash the night of his daughters 4th birthday party. He was creamated on her actual birthday.
I had just seen him 2 hours before he died!
It hit me hard. It took me months to be able to drive again and even now, almost 2 years later, I rarely drive if there is even one rain drop or at night. At my worst, I had to start talk myself into taking the 3 mile drive to the grocery store 3 days in advance. I lost all my friends because I never went to see them and stopped answering their calls because I knew they would want me to come over.
Just relax. My DH was a big help when I was going through my anxiety about driving. There is nothing to be scared of, how many people drive this highway safely everyday? So many!

[VeronicaTex]

Yes, I can relate.  I drove in Pennsylvania in a Honda civic-5 gears-could navigate up and down mountains, drive through slush, and was queen of the road-I did drive sensibly of course.

I moved down to Texas-to a large city in Central Texas-very different-I was in a car accident because someone pulled out from a stop sign and I slammed into the side of the truck-female driving boyfriend's truck-no insurance and no driver's license-driver coming over and harassing me "Are you going to get this fixed?" The police finally had to get on her case-plus she kept saying she was told by the other person in the truck it was OK to go and she never saw me, blah blah blah......I was in shock, my car was totaled...I was blessed because my car had no air conditioning, needed new struts and I had skidded on some wet pavement.  Of coursesince the car was totaled and I was riding a bicycle (thank God it was summer-I was a teacher at the time-until I got a respectable  "boat" from my brother-which served me for many years!!!!

My body healed-but it took a long time to get out on the roads again and I would brake every time I came to a stop sign that had a person waiting at it.  I learned to use the access road and avoided I-35 at all costs.

I eventually healed internally and graduated eventually to a Izuzu Rodeo-simple-but a car I trust.   That is one thing that helped me a lot-knowing I had a great car to drive in.  Also knowing how wacky Waco drivers can be.  I drive defensively and try to stay in the speed limits and give myself plenty of time to get where I'm going-especially since I have my Down Syndrome child in the car most of the time.

But the thing that has helped me the most is to bless my car as I get in it-since I am Catholic I make a sign of the cross on the dash and say a short prayer- I have to tell you I have been in a few fender bender type accidents since-but have NEVER been hurt.

I know this was long-but I hope it helps.  You can do it-take your time-put on some music as you drive -be alert as to what is going on around you-but relax....It will be fine-you can do it!!!!!

P.S.  I flunked my driver's test the first time because of nerves-I am now 56 and going strong!!!!!

[2gud2btrue]

 im really sorry you are dealing with that.  have you talked to a therapist or doc about it?  that sounds like some crippling anxiety...maybe they can help.

is there anyone else that can drive you.  you husband should know that if its a phobia or anxiety...forcing you into it ISNT helpful, even if being helpful is his intention.

[Jynnifer292]

Thanks ladies. I haven't talked to a doctor. I probably should. I did just get a great phone call though. They are going to take all the food and themselves from her house to mine when everyone gets there. lol I guess they do love me....and my sil called me a chicken.  

[othermom]

I am almost 26 and still don't have my liscense. I have anxiety and panic attacks and am carded to drive. Good luck to you. I have no real advice, but I do understand.

[othermom]

Thats great that you get to see everyone. Have a fun day.

Quoting Jynnifer292:

Thanks ladies. I haven't talked to a doctor. I probably should. I did just get a great phone call though. They are going to take all the food and themselves from her house to mine when everyone gets there. lol I guess they do love me....and my sil called me a chicken.  

[key2ynot]

Quoting Jynnifer292:

Thanks ladies. I haven't talked to a doctor. I probably should. I did just get a great phone call though. They are going to take all the food and themselves from her house to mine when everyone gets there. lol I guess they do love me....and my sil called me a chicken.  

Aww I'm so glad that you will get to see everyone!  Isn't it great when family makes you feel so loved!  :-)

[EmmasMom0305]

I definitely can! I haven't driven in four months, it freaks me out. Dh gets very annoyed that I won't drive anywhere (I can't say that I blame him though, I get annoyed too lol). He tries to be understanding though, I lose my concentration very easily and am very forgetful.  

[knfisch]

I don't drive. I don't know why but I don't like the idea of having someone elses life in my hands. I don't like the idea that at any time the car in the next lane may loose control and take the life of everyone in both my car and theirs. I don't like going for car rides that take me on an interstate highway, I like the back roads. It's irrational and silly but I can't do it. I know I have anxiety issues and that contributes to it. however, I NEED to get a license. I'm 21 and going on baby #2 and I don't have a license. I'm stuck at home all day and since we live in a tiny town that means i don't get to go anywhere, ever. It's hard and depressing but thats just who I am. So in a way I feel your pain. My family lives an hour away, two for some of them, and I never get to see them because I wont get behind the wheel of a car and drive that hour to see them. I miss out on a lot because I dno't like to drive.