Not quite spinoff... re: Modest clothes, etc. UPDAAAATEEEE
UPDATE 11/23 12:12am EST - I spoke w/ my boyfriend, and in the end, he did agree that I could wear whatever I wanted to the concert, I also told him I had stuff that DID cover me up but was more snug-fitting, AND he still wants to help me feel better about myself and my horrible body image issues.
Thank you again for all the advice - I did read EVERY post, and I did see some CUTE outfit ideas! :)
Original post.....
Okay, I need help ladies. I mentioned in the Hijab Day post about how I used to dress reasonably modest before I had my daughter, right? Okay...
Well, my new boyfriend (it'll be one month we have been together next Saturday, GO US!!) wanted to find me a cute outfit because we're going to a concert after Thanksgiving. The otufit he picked were black pants (which I did like... but...) they were like 3 sizes too small and were totally uncomfortable (both in size and emotionally) and a spagetti strap tanktop. (I like those better UNDER things, not worn alone. It fit me fine and would look adorable layered under a longer sleeved shirt or jogging outfit) His rationale was that he wanted to "dress me up sexy so he could show me off to everyone." I love him to pieces and love the fact that he finds me sexy, but I feel wierd in these kind of clothes. I tried wearing the spaghetti tank on its own (with pants of course) and almost had a panic attack!
It also doesn't help that I have major body image issues (I've had these all my life, and it doesn't help that I've gained +20lb over the last 6+ months due to medication) and stuff. I know in his heart he is trying to make me feel better but how do I explain to him that it's just not me and I can't force myself to be "sexy"?
Also, I would LOVE to go back to dressing somewhat covered-up and modest (back to long skirts and ditching the sweats I have lived in for the past 2+ years)... but I don't think I can do it now because I don't really lead a "modest lifestyle" morally as I did back then. Is there any sort of... half-way point? Like can you dress modest but like, still go to metal shows (which often have men and women on stage together)?
Thanks in advance for any advice... I wish I could explain this better to him...
That's a good idea, actually... I could take one of my old shirts and do that... thanks! Maybe make the sleeves into armwarmers or something? hmmmmmmm
Quoting KT9105:
I'm definitely more comfortable in tee shirts than spaghetti straps, can't you wear a rocker tee? Maybe cut it a little so it's almost low cut but still modest but still sexy at the same time? Does that make sense? I think that'd be cute =)
I would suggest something sexy like a sweater dress with leggings and some cool accessories. Really, when it comes to clothing and style---you can wear the sluttiest clothes, nicest clothes, modest clothes, or whatever, but if you don't accessories it's all to waste. I love going on wetseal.com because you can create outfits. Here would be a few outfits I'd wear to a concert.
The biggest thing about being sexy, is feeling sexy. Find something that you LOVE and go with it. Don't go pick out clothes with anyone. Go alone. Trust your insticts. Try on everything. Have fun!! And, remember an outfit isn't all you have to worry about---accessories, make-up, and hair are big too! Have fun!!
Modesty is about more than what we put on our bodies. It has much to do with what the eyes see and what the ears hear. IME, modesty begins with a pure heart.
I wouldn't feel comfortable either - It's November (Not June) and spaghetti straps belong under shirts, NOT alone, IMO. You could wear "snug" clothing that accentuates the parts of your body you like showing off. Furthermore, if you wear a tight shirt, don't wear tight pants and vice versa. There is a fine line between dressing sexy and dressing slutty or trashy. I like to look on Victoria Secret and J Crew websites before I go shopping for ideas, J Crew- classy, Victoria Secret - sexy. I try to blend them. Lastly, I think Chic is sexy and classy and suitable for mothers. AND, men have no idea what they are doing... I would never listen to guys opinion on clothes. Good luck! ... & seriously, Please don't wear tight black pants with a spaghetti strap! :)
If you are concerned about hurting his feelings I would just explain to him that the jeans/pants are too tight and uncomfortable. Maybe get a different size and keep the style. As far as the top I would suggest to layer it with something. That way feelings are spaired and everyone wins.:)
OKAY, been there done that.....
Tell him how you feel.
If he trys to make you feel guilty...it is all about him.
Where what you want to:
This I LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU TO FEEL SEXY.....
IS CRAP !!!!!
Do not let this happen, JMOP....
There's a couple of issues here. One, your body image. HE thinks you are sexy and thinks you would look beautiful in the outfit he chose. If you tell him you feel too fat for it, it will hurt his feelings. Two, the outfit is a little risque for your taste. I dress pretty conservatively, so I know how you are feeling. Can you exchange the pants for a pair that fits? Can you buy a shrug or a cardigan to go over the top? It IS November, and wearing spaghetti straps right now isn't very practical, so that may be an angle so you don't hurt his feelings.
And who says you can't dress modest if you aren't living the modest lifestyle? We're all imperfect, we're all going to make mistakes. If you'd like to wear skirts, wear them! If you want to cover your head, do it!
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on Nov. 21, 2009 at 9:14 PM