My Dad passed away September 7, 2009.
I went to see my Daddy today but he wasn't there. My brothers told me if we buried him in our home town we could visit him more often but he wasn't there. I can't see him. I can't hear him. I can't touch him. I can't feel him. I can't talk to him. I can't tell him how sorry I am for all the times I should have gone to visit him and I didn't. I went to his home town today to start my Christmas shopping. I cried all the way there and I cried all the way home and I cried the whole time I stood at his grave waiting for some sort of sign that he was there. And damn it all I crying now. Why the Hell does it have to hurt so much???? When will it get easier?
My dad was murdered in 2005. Its hard to believe in Jun next year it will be 5 years. We still get mail and stuff to the house in his name. My sister and I cry when that happens. It makes it so surreal.
It doesn't get easier but it just gets... you keep going. You learn to feel his presence, I say that and I'm not even religious. There are times i just KNOW he is around me and I KNOW he is proud of me and he is finally ok.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss...I lost my dad July 20, 2002. I remember after the funeral, I went back to the cemetery and sat and cried..I so desperately wanted to get a "sign"..I think I hurt so much more because I didn't...what kind of sign did I want anyway? He wasn't going to just appear to me..
After awhile, I would get signs...not like I first expected, but feelings...I remember the first snow that year and I was crying watching the snow fall...I could always count on seeing him in a pendleton shirt when it snowed...just thinking of that memory, brought comfort. I remember the first time I had a dream about him. I get signs when I think how he would have loved his grandchildren. I will see something that reminds me of him and I smile...
It does get better...not the same as before, but the every day crying does eventually stop. My dad has been gone for 7 years, and I have never had one day that I haven't thought about him.
Who I am as a mom can not be expressed in a paragraph. It is expressed by who my children will become.
I lost my mother in 2002 and my brother in 2004, It gets easier but i would say it took about 6 months before i could like feel happy about stuff. I still to this day think of them every day, like a thought of them pops in my head atleast once a day.
I am soo sorry for your loss. I lost my father in law on Oct. 24th and my father on Oct 28th, both of this year and it's still so very new. I cannot believe how suddenly they both passed and being Daddy's little girl and having to make the decisions for him made things even more difficult. I don't think it will ever replace the love you have in your heart for your dad, you just learn to cope with your feelings a little better in time. I miss him more and more everyday, especially with the holidays coming. Take care, I am here if you'd like to talk.
My mom passed away August 3, 2007 and it hasn't really gotten much easier, I've just learned to survive. Right now makes it harder at times because both my sister and I are pregnant, plus my other sister is getting married, and my brother is graduating high school in June. Every time I think about what she is missing within the next 8 months it makes me very sad.
The first year and a half were the hardest for me and from what I understand it is for every one. All you can do is keep the memories you have of him close to your heart and know that he is always watching over with you. In a way he is always with you even if you can't see him, hug him, or hear him. Some times while I'm driving alone I just start talking out loud like I would be talking to my mom, telling her what has been going on in my life, how I'm feeling about things, and that kind of thing. Some times it helps and some times it just makes me sad that she's not here talking with me. I know that she's in a better place, is happy, and can now look at for all of us at the same time.
Another thing I can recommend is have a good support system. Have people you can always talk to who will listen, be there, let you cry, let you yell, or do what ever you need them to do to get your feelings out.
Good luck.
My mother died August 2, 1990. I have no idea how to get over it because I have never dealt with it. I only remember 4 things that happened between the time I found out she died and about a month following that.
1.) I remember the exact moment I realized she was gone and never coming back. I went to the bathroom and I saw a green towel hanging on the towel rack (I was 10yo) and I remember thinking "this is real, I am not dreaming".
2.) I remember a friend of my moms brought me a dress to wear to her funeral because I did not have one. It was the ugliest blue dress that I had ever seen, but I did not argue at all, I just wore it.
3.) I remember crying at the funeral because the pastor said something about not appreciating her enough while she was alive.
4.) I remember after the funeral at my grandparents house..I was walking around in my stockings dragging my feet on the carpet and shocking myself over and over again. I remember thinking that it felt good to be shocked for whatever reason.
Other than that, I don't remember anything and I am tearing up a little right now because of it. I wish I could give you some advice, but I am still not able to deal with it. It has gotten better as I got older and found myself and what I want to do with my life.
i lost my grandfather @ a young age im now 23 i never got to say the things i wanted to say to him. the year before he died my uncle passed away from complications with aids i never got to go to his funeral or say good bye to him and he was the man who loved me unconditionally....i still cry and i think about what they would say if they knew their babygirl was pregnant.....yes thats right i had a special bond with my dads baby brother and father that was taken away too quickly. i miss them both terribly and wish they were here to offer me advice. Even though i never had the chance to tell them exactly how much i loved them i'm sure they knew and still know to this day. my point i have my memories to console me it never gets easier but i have those to keep me from spiraling out of control when i wanna cry.
You never get over it. But as time goes on you are able to smile and laugh at the memories without crying as well. But even when you reach that point things can still bring back the tears. My dad has been gone since Sept 5, 07. My dd got married on Oct 4. At the reception Iooked out the door and saw my cousin walking up (my dad was a change of life baby and then he married late, my 1st cousins are anywhere from 8 to 30 yrs older then me) and he looked so much like my daddy that I burst into tears. My mom died May 5, 2004 and there are still times I pick up the phone and start to call her. But I still miss both of them on an almost daily basis..and I think I always will.. They were my mommy and daddy..the only people who loved me unconditionally no matter what..just because I was their baby girl....the only people I could count on to always put me ahead of themselves, because I was their baby girl.
Thing is I believe they are still alive. I still talk to mama and daddy. They are still there for me...just not physically any longer. At times I hear my mama in my daughter and see her in my granddaughter. I hear and see my daddy in my sons..and then I remember my parents and special times we had. Holidays are really hard..so hang i there. I would give anything to have xmas again with my daddy and mama and big sister (6/59-7/08) and knowing there were times I could have spent with them and didnt because of (insert drama here) doesn't help any..but I also know as a parent that they understood and that it was okay...it is my guilt..they didn't hold me guilty for having my own life.
I lost my father in 1999. It has not gotten any better for me. I think about many time through out the day. I still cry almost everyday. Maybe, I am just more emotional than others. I hope it gets better for you and I'm so sorry for your loss.
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- coug7099
on Nov. 22, 2009 at 2:07 PM