Let's say you had a diary. You've had it since before you and your SO,DF,DH or whatever got together. So let's say that true to form you hid your diary, like you always have and your SO found it, read it, and then became upset with you for things written in it. Though the things they are getting mad and upset about are from before you were together. Would you apologize for not telling them or would you just be upset that they had the nerve to read your diary?
Personally I would be upset he had the nerve to read my diary and think he has a right to get upset about what is written it in period. All trust would be gone.
The arguement is in marriage you should have no secrets and that it isn't really a breech of privacy. Obiviously I disagree with that I think even in a marriage you have a certain expectation to some privacy and it'd be better to have no secrets but we all know we have them even little ones like don't tell hubby I ate his candy bar or used his razor type things. so I want to know what you ladies think.
For the sake of the arguement no one has cheated on anyone. And no one wrote they cheated on their SO in the diary.
If I didn't want him reading it and he read it anyway I would be mad.
But in my real life, he has read my journals and diaries from when I was younger. I kept a LOT, I used to write a lot. He doesn't judge me for what I wrote, he finds it interesting to learn about my thoughts from when I was younger....says it will help him when our daughter becomes a teenager LOL. I have one from when we met and started dating...he loves it! I am glad I kept so much written down.
But I understand what you mean, people need privacy, and if you need that and let your husband know you need it...it would be horrible for him to break that confidence.
I think both would be in the wrong.
If you're writing down these secrets, they can't be all that secretive because anyone can find them. You might as well tell your SO. You're breaking his trust by keeping secrets
He is also in the wrong because he shouldn't be reading things that are yours unless he asks first. He breaks your trust by reading.
My life is pretty much an open book, although I am sure there are things I've neglected to tell my DH , but just because 18 years pre-DH is a lot of ground to cover.
He would probably read any journal of mine he'd found, but im sure he wouldn't get upset about anything he read. And I'd probably scream at him for reading it.
Then I would get over it and we would laugh
I wouldn't keep a diary from the past.. I'm not that stupid lol. And if she kept one, I'd make her burn it so I could NOT read it. I wouldn't WANT to read it!
24 year old, God loving, non-vaxing, tutu making WAH momma to Jenelle, Gracelynn, and Sapphire. Girlfriend to Rachel (not wife, because apparently some people are AGAINST two loving, consenting adults marrying).
been there, I am still pissed. And lets just say, he sees it my way now. And even if I leave it out he doesn't touch it. My personal thoughts are mine. Total bullshit if he thinks it is ok.
I am Magen, a 21 year old, former teen mommy with two children(Amon and Ryan),married to(Dustin) the father of both my children,high school graduate, exclusively & extended public breastfeeding (with no cover), baby wearing, co-sleeping, CIO is cruel, extended rear facing, extended harnessing, vaccinating, circumcising, thumb sucking encouraging, disposable diaper using, lets my kids trash the house, then picks it up for them, going to public school, doesn't force church but believes in God, goes to bed angry, does not fold laundry, loves to organize, listen to heavy metal and country, reads constantly, plays world of war craft with my husband, pro-life, child abuse survivor(NOT victim), republican, soon-to-be home owning, living my American dream, stay at home mommy!
I would be livid. My (ex) fiance had the nerve to read my diary. We had been dating 4 years. I broke it off immediatly. That type of mistrust... or whatever you want to call it... is unexcusable. And no, no apologies, by you, are necessary. They are YOUR thoughts, whether you think them in your head, or write them on paper. Nobody should apologize for their thoughts.
I am a breastfeeding and formula feeding, pro-choice, vaccinating, Turbo Jamming,
disposable diaper using, cio sometimes, cat loving, dieting, married
and love my husband Army wife and mom. www.myspace.com/serioussifl Check out my music!
You know, since you put it that way, I did keep the fact that I occasionally used my husband's brush a secret from him, lol. So yeah, I see what you're saying and I do think that in this particular situation, she should have been able to have that one private thing. I don't think that you should ever tell a person ALL of your secrets, even in marriage. You never know when things may go bad and your secrets will be used against you. Unfortunately for me, this was a lesson that I had to learn the hard way.
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on Nov. 22, 2009 at 6:26 PM