So, I was apart of a group on Facebook called 'The Unnecesarian'. Their belief is, well, csections are for the most part unnecesary, and other things. Anyway, the admin had posted an email from a lady who had given birth in a hospital, and all these things went wrong. She wanted a pain free, tear free, overall PERFECT birthing experience. But thats not what happened. To make a long story short, she claims her friends and family were not allowed in the room, she was told she couldn't get up a walk, she had to stay on her back in bed, the doctors were giving her frequent, rough vaginal exams, they put her on meds (patocine i believe, as well as a bunch of pain meds) even after she requested no meds, she ended up being preped for a csection because she 'wasn't dialating and her baby was in distress' and right before they rolled her out the room, she asked her doctor to perform one more vaginal exam, and found out she was fully dialated. So she ends up giving birth vaginally but isn't able to have her baby put on her tummy after she is born because baby was blue, not breathing because cord was wrapped around her kneck. SO, after all that's said and done, this lady is complaining about being violated. It's the hospital's fault nothing went according to plan. They did everything she told them not to and now she feels violated.
Now maybe it's just me, but when I gave birth to my daughter (In Minneapolis, MN) I was the one calling the shots, not the doctors. Even when I was in active labor, I was still telling them what was going to be done. My doctor didn't want my mother filming my birth and I told her to hell with that. I was having heat flashes like no other and wanted to be completly naked, doctor says it's not appropriate and I told her to go to hell :-) Anyway, I just don't understand why you wouldn't speak up for yourself if everything is going so wrong in that situation, or even your partner. So I asked my mom what she thought, and she said if she were in that situation she would have had a fit. But then I asked a friend of mine who is hispanic and she said she would have been too shy to say anything and probably would have felt the same way. Well what do you think? The ladys in that group were so upset, I ended up being kicked out lol. Towards the end, they were comparing her birthing experience to 'birthing rape'. Total extremists ....
I was 19 when i had my son. I had my wishes LAID out to the nurses. DH was supposed to cut the cord, they were supposed to wait til the cord stopped pulsing to cut it, the baby was to be placed on my chest immediately.... NOTHING HAPPENED.
I also wanted to labor MY way. Whichever way that may be. Turns out, I had to be flat on my back. or on my side. I wanted to sit up. I could make it through the pain. But everytime i sat up, they ran in and made me lay down. But i was allowed to yell LOL.
I was young. I was scared. It was my first. Labor is terrifying. Was it my fault i was scared? yes. i didnt go to any of the classes offered at the hospital, because i didnt have the $75 to pay for it. I was so scared, and i just did what they wanted because,well, they were the experts.
Next time i will be more assertive about certain things after birth, yet when it comes down to the line in labor, I will trust my doctors. im not qualified to make those decisions, they are.
proud 20 year old mommy to the love of my life Wyatt, born 01.08.09 and totally in love to my Marine Patrick since 01.10.08
some hospitals won't let you do certain things, i was told i wasn't allowed to video tape, it was the birthing centers rule (not that i wanted to anyways) i had to labor on my back in active labor, and i hated it. but i had to lay on the bed like that. it was just their rules, maybe you got lucky and they had more lenient rules. some places will not work with you on certain things. i will not be birthing where i did again because of some of their rules, had i known a few of them ahead of time i wouldn't have birthed there the first time but some things i just didn't know had to be asked. i thought i would be in charge, i was wrong. and it's not like i could just walk out with a baby hanging halfway out or something lol.
I think it is like anything else in life, if you go in thinking its going to be a horrible experience then it will be. you create your own experiences how ever you want, but if you sit back and let someone else create for you then you get what you let happen
I called all the shots and no one seemed to be upset or disagree with me. It really seemed (all 3 times) that as long as I was comfortable and me and baby were fine that's all that mattered. When I had DD #2 the cord was wrapped around her body 3 times and her heart rate was going crazy but I was too far along so she had to come vaginally. I was scared and started crying and the Dr. looked at me and said " Look at MY eyes, just mine. I'm not worried so you don't need to be. If my eyes change and I get worried you can go ahead" My mom thought that was rude and mean but I liked it. It really calmed me down.So no I called the shots but had experts there when I needed them!
This is sort of how I feel now, we are trying for #2 and I figure I won't be as nitpicky as I was with my first. What for? The main goal is to have her here in this world healthy and safe.
Quoting Kristin2008:
I think some people are just big babies...All I know is with both of my children I just wanted to be able to meet them I wasn't going to b!tch and whine about every little thing.
I can understand it being called " birthing rape" it is a form of violation, you are completely vulnerable and if it is her first she was likely terrified and overwhelmed.
Personally I would have gone off (actually I DID go off when in labor w/ my ds) I allowed a lot to happen I wish I had not, but I finally got ahold of myself and my emotions after hours of everything spinning out of control and I put my foot down.
By the way, if they give you the iv drugs without your consent you are then basically inebriated.... it is best to know you have someone who is very outspoken and strong willed to be there with you so they can stand up for you.
THe only thing that went wrong in my birth was the nurse gave me pictocin after I said no! I had DH and my mom there, but DH had to leave to open the store. They took advantage of that and asked my mom, not me, if they could give it to me, my mom said yes, then they asked me! I said no, yet she hooked it on my IV!
Other than that, my birth was perfect. I had a birth plan and they even let me catch her even though it was not in the plan! It was amazing!
Awwww Isra ... ! You got to catch her? That is so cool, I wanted to watch her being born in the mirror, but the doctor said it was being used in another room :'( Boo.
Quoting isra1986:
THe only thing that went wrong in my birth was the nurse gave me pictocin after I said no! I had DH and my mom there, but DH had to leave to open the store. They took advantage of that and asked my mom, not me, if they could give it to me, my mom said yes, then they asked me! I said no, yet she hooked it on my IV!
Other than that, my birth was perfect. I had a birth plan and they even let me catch her even though it was not in the plan! It was amazing!
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on Nov. 23, 2009 at 12:06 AM