Someone I know has a 6yr old foster child that she is trying to adopt. This child is high maintenance and I do understand it can be trying at times but I do not feel she has any business putting her hands on this child. Now I will give you one example of what I am talking about. Yesterday I had a bday party for my son she showed up with the 6yr old and he is sitting next to her on the bench being quit not bothering anyone well she tells him to go play and he doesn't wan to so she starts pulling him by the hair of the bench at this point he is crying I could not see what else she did to him. Come to find out the Dr had changes his medicine so he was tired. My problem with reporting her is that if I do the agency will just put him in a group home and he will not be worked with ( it is there group home so they will get the money from the state). He has thrived in her care but she has no right to put her hands on this child. So I guess my question is would you report her and let them send this boy to a group home to be left to his own devices or just leave it alone. There is more to it but I am trying to keep it simple so just ask if you have any questions.
Instead of reporting her right away, why not invite the boy over and talk to him and see what else is going on.
You also should talk to the foster mother and see what all is going on as well.
That is hard because you would hate to have the boy be placed in a group home; but you also don't want a abuser to adopt him.
Based on that one thing; i wouldn't report it..but sounds like there is more going on. Overall, If you fear this child is in danger with her, then report her. While a group home may not be the best place for him, living with someone who abuses him is worse.
By law I can not be alone with the boy because he is a foster child. The foster mom is man I do not know what to call her she just comes across as very impatient and none caring. I have tried talking to her about a lot of different things and she has no type of understanding. I have thought about talking to her daughter about it and basically let her know if it doesn't change then they could possibly loose him.
Quoting edwardsgirl:
Instead of reporting her right away, why not invite the boy over and talk to him and see what else is going on.
You also should talk to the foster mother and see what all is going on as well.
That is hard because you would hate to have the boy be placed in a group home; but you also don't want a abuser to adopt him.
Based on that one thing; i wouldn't report it..but sounds like there is more going on. Overall, If you fear this child is in danger with her, then report her. While a group home may not be the best place for him, living with someone who abuses him is worse.
Quoting ElShaddi:
By law I can not be alone with the boy because he is a foster child. The foster mom is man I do not know what to call her she just comes across as very impatient and none caring. I have tried talking to her about a lot of different things and she has no type of understanding. I have thought about talking to her daughter about it and basically let her know if it doesn't change then they could possibly loose him.
Quoting edwardsgirl:
Instead of reporting her right away, why not invite the boy over and talk to him and see what else is going on.
You also should talk to the foster mother and see what all is going on as well.
That is hard because you would hate to have the boy be placed in a group home; but you also don't want a abuser to adopt him.
Based on that one thing; i wouldn't report it..but sounds like there is more going on. Overall, If you fear this child is in danger with her, then report her. While a group home may not be the best place for him, living with someone who abuses him is worse.
why can't you be alone with him? I'm confused. Kids in foster care can't be babysat? can't hang out at a friends house?
I knew none of that.
Quoting edwardsgirl:
why can't you be alone with him? I'm confused. Kids in foster care can't be babysat? can't hang out at a friends house?
I knew none of that.
My understanding per the acency you have to be approved by them to have a foster child alone at your house. They can go to daycare and school. It doesnt make sense to me but that is what they said.
Quoting edwardsgirl:
Quoting ElShaddi:
By law I can not be alone with the boy because he is a foster child. The foster mom is man I do not know what to call her she just comes across as very impatient and none caring. I have tried talking to her about a lot of different things and she has no type of understanding. I have thought about talking to her daughter about it and basically let her know if it doesn't change then they could possibly loose him.
Quoting edwardsgirl:
Instead of reporting her right away, why not invite the boy over and talk to him and see what else is going on.
You also should talk to the foster mother and see what all is going on as well.
That is hard because you would hate to have the boy be placed in a group home; but you also don't want a abuser to adopt him.
Based on that one thing; i wouldn't report it..but sounds like there is more going on. Overall, If you fear this child is in danger with her, then report her. While a group home may not be the best place for him, living with someone who abuses him is worse.
why can't you be alone with him? I'm confused. Kids in foster care can't be babysat? can't hang out at a friends house?
I knew none of that.
When I was a kid I've had my foster kid friends come to my house no problem. How is the foster care system going to know?
Unless you really thought she was a danger to him I'd stay out of it. Should she have pulled his hair? Of course not. But how many parents have done something that they shouldn't have done? How often have you seen this done and are there other issues? Is he neglected, are there bruises on him, is he obviously afraid of the mom? If it was one isolated incident I'd leave it alone. The mom isn't going to listen; she probably thinks you are a busybody. I hate it when other moms tell me or imply I'm not raising my kid right. Be friendly with the mom, invite her kid over to play with yours, see how the family life really is before you rush into anything.
I am a good enough mom. My opinions on parenting tactics change minute by minute depending on my mood and the situation. I feel if the kids are still alive and fed by the end of the day I've done my job. I am a Goofy Goober (see the Spongebob Movie). I believe in singing and other things that embarass your children. When my kids say I'm the meanest parent ever I take it as a compliment. I've often yearned to box up my kids and ship them to Timbuktu. I feel the best thing about having kids is reliving childhood. I have a career and I'm proud of it. You can mess with me and get away with it but God help you if you hurt my kids. We are all flying by the seat of our pants with nothing but love to guide us.
Quoting ElShaddi:
Quoting edwardsgirl:
why can't you be alone with him? I'm confused. Kids in foster care can't be babysat? can't hang out at a friends house?
I knew none of that.
My understanding per the acency you have to be approved by them to have a foster child alone at your house. They can go to daycare and school. It doesnt make sense to me but that is what they said.
Thats true for some kids with emotional and behavioral difficulties, they can not be alone in your home unless you are approved for respite care. They have very good reasons for this. You should contact CPS and explain, sometimes foster parents are good people who get in over their heads. They will help the mother either by providing more respite care or more counseling for the family/child. If deemed necessary they will remove the child.
ONE time is ENOUGH!!!!
I don't care if its isolated or not. She physically abused that little boy, and he doesnt deserve that, foster child or no. I would call them, report it. They'll come out and investigate...just cause you call them doens't mean that they will automatically take that child away. You can actually do one better then this though. Find otu what agency that chid is in, and what his caseworkers name is and call her/him. Talk to them about what you saw. Thats what i would do.
As far as being alone with him, you sure can. Foster kids are allowed ot go to daycare and school and to other places iwthout their foster parents. I was in foster care for sixteen years and i was left alone with peopel who weren't approved all the time. I don't know about any other state but that wouldn't make sense at all to me...maybe its because he is disabled???
I'm assuming by high maintenance you mean special needs. Special needs children are handled differently than children that do not have special needs. Depending on what their needs are and their situation it is possible that you cannot be alone with the child because some special needs children have problems being around people that are not completely comfortable with or in places they do not know without some one they know and are comfortable with. I also know from years of dealing with CPS that they investigate the situation before taking the child out of the home completely. If their investigation shows no aduse or neglect towards the child the child will remain in the home. So every one knows verbal abuse is, unfortunately, not considered abuse by CPS standards and they will not remove a child for it, sad as it is. I agree that your best option at this point would be talk contact his caseworker and discuss the situation with them. Let them know what your saw and what your concerns are. They will handle it from there, but make yourself available for them to speak to you further if they need to.
Quoting ladymarvn:
Quoting edwardsgirl:
Quoting ElShaddi:
By law I can not be alone with the boy because he is a foster child. The foster mom is man I do not know what to call her she just comes across as very impatient and none caring. I have tried talking to her about a lot of different things and she has no type of understanding. I have thought about talking to her daughter about it and basically let her know if it doesn't change then they could possibly loose him.
Quoting edwardsgirl:
Instead of reporting her right away, why not invite the boy over and talk to him and see what else is going on.
You also should talk to the foster mother and see what all is going on as well.
That is hard because you would hate to have the boy be placed in a group home; but you also don't want a abuser to adopt him.
Based on that one thing; i wouldn't report it..but sounds like there is more going on. Overall, If you fear this child is in danger with her, then report her. While a group home may not be the best place for him, living with someone who abuses him is worse.
why can't you be alone with him? I'm confused. Kids in foster care can't be babysat? can't hang out at a friends house?
I knew none of that.
When I was a kid I've had my foster kid friends come to my house no problem. How is the foster care system going to know?
Unless you really thought she was a danger to him I'd stay out of it. Should she have pulled his hair? Of course not. But how many parents have done something that they shouldn't have done? How often have you seen this done and are there other issues? Is he neglected, are there bruises on him, is he obviously afraid of the mom? If it was one isolated incident I'd leave it alone. The mom isn't going to listen; she probably thinks you are a busybody. I hate it when other moms tell me or imply I'm not raising my kid right. Be friendly with the mom, invite her kid over to play with yours, see how the family life really is before you rush into anything.
This is the first time I have seen her actually put her hands on him but I do know for a fact that she is hateful and mean with her words. I had to jump on her case for saying something to my child. As for her coming over she never does unless it is a bday party. This is not her child this child has been physicaly and emotionaly abused that is why he is in the system.
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This Nevada mom of two - who are just 18 months apart! - is married to her high school sweetheart and loves to craft in her free time.
Breaking Through with Suzanne Somers - Bio-Identical Hormones and Synthetic Hormones
- ElShaddi
on Nov. 23, 2009 at 11:36 AM