Not so long ago a girl that my 6 year old is pals with was taken to live w/her grandmother. I am not clear on the whole story and yes I know there are always two sides to it. However from what I have seen of the grandmother and how she acts towards any kids who try to show any attention to her grandkid...all I can say is that she is a either a total recluse who hates everyone, or she is just a bitch. My daughter was wanting her friend at her birthday party, but the grandmother just said no and completely shut me out after that. It wasnt a nice way she looked at me either. You know how you get that feeling someone is sizing you up and passing judgement before they even know you? She doesnt know me, and I dont know what happend to her daughter to make her so hateful, but you can see it in the kids eyes that she is sad as can be cause she is not allowed to even talk, play or even be around other kids except at school. I heard the mom has had an abusive relationship w/b/f and that is one of the reasons but still. To make the child feel isolated? Is that wrong or am I just being to judgemental?
its sad and a bit judgemental. just try to keep your mind open to it.. maybe since your daughter knows the child before she went to live with the grandma, the grandma is thinking that you and the other girls mom is friends and that you are trying to get the girl to come over for a "party" but in reality, you're just getting the young girl back with her mom when thats not the best place for the child to be (especially if she has an abusive boyfriend).
i say just keep inviting her over- maybe even just for an adult type thing.. like you and her get some coffee or something. i'm sure that she'll keep saying no, but maybe if you continue to ask about how she, and the granddaughter is doing, she might come around and be open to having a lunch date with you and allowing the kids to play together (so its just you, her, your daughter and the granddaughter).... thats just my experience. like i know i wouldnt just hand my son over to my son's sister's mom because i think/feel that she will let their dad see them and i dont want that.
hopefully i made sense in my post.
I have tried that and she looked at me as though I shit on her shoe or something. I dont party nor does her daughter come over since before this she seemed a bit distant as well. I honestly just want the granddaughter over cause she is friends with my kid. I dont want to pry as to whats going on since that is not for me to get nosey about. Just sad for the kiddo is all. I will try again with the gm but too be honest from what my friend (who knows what happend) this is not the first time she has taken custody of the kid. And its not court ordered. She holds the kid like leverage against the mom if she is mad at her. Usually around the holidays. Again there are always to sides to the story. Just sad...plain out sad.
Quoting Shy_Dia:
its sad and a bit judgemental. just try to keep your mind open to it.. maybe since your daughter knows the child before she went to live with the grandma, the grandma is thinking that you and the other girls mom is friends and that you are trying to get the girl to come over for a "party" but in reality, you're just getting the young girl back with her mom when thats not the best place for the child to be (especially if she has an abusive boyfriend).
i say just keep inviting her over- maybe even just for an adult type thing.. like you and her get some coffee or something. i'm sure that she'll keep saying no, but maybe if you continue to ask about how she, and the granddaughter is doing, she might come around and be open to having a lunch date with you and allowing the kids to play together (so its just you, her, your daughter and the granddaughter).... thats just my experience. like i know i wouldnt just hand my son over to my son's sister's mom because i think/feel that she will let their dad see them and i dont want that.
hopefully i made sense in my post.
Yes and no. U r being judgemental but in a good way. I mean 1st off, there is a big difference in moms and grandmoms. Mothers are more open to their child exploring the world, especially young moms. Grandmas are less. It's two very different rearings and then there is the "this is not my kid" factor, "I have to answer to the parent if anything happens". It's stressful on the grandparent. So in a way I have an objective view on this.
I talked to the mom today, since I saw her at the dollar store working there. She had just aquired that job two weeks ago. About the time her mom kicked her out of her home. She said that her mom had always been up her butt to find a job but she did help out with food, gas and whatever else she could afford from child support. So finally she gets a job and her mom got irated with her and booted her out. Now mind you this was not done legally, and she has taken custody of the granddaughter with no legal rights whatso ever. Only by threatening her daughter with the fact she is living with her boyfriend (not clear on the stability of that relationship). The expression on the moms face said it all. It looked like someone ripped her heart out and she is just hanging on trying to get money to get a lawyer. So in the mean time her child is not allowed to see her own mom, and not allowed to even TALK to other kids once her grandmom shows up. Its sad...especially since I have seen how this mom really does love her kid and in the past she was very affectionate and giving. Now she is being denied her ability to see her child. From any standpoint...mom or dad....its heart breaking. I know there are two sides to each story, but does the grandmother have any legal standing to take her grandchild, and refuse her daughter the right to even talk to her?
Quoting milmiracle:
Yes and no. U r being judgemental but in a good way. I mean 1st off, there is a big difference in moms and grandmoms. Mothers are more open to their child exploring the world, especially young moms. Grandmas are less. It's two very different rearings and then there is the "this is not my kid" factor, "I have to answer to the parent if anything happens". It's stressful on the grandparent. So in a way I have an objective view on this.
Quoting menmygurlz:
I talked to the mom today, since I saw her at the dollar store working there. She had just aquired that job two weeks ago. About the time her mom kicked her out of her home. She said that her mom had always been up her butt to find a job but she did help out with food, gas and whatever else she could afford from child support. So finally she gets a job and her mom got irated with her and booted her out. Now mind you this was not done legally, and she has taken custody of the granddaughter with no legal rights whatso ever. Only by threatening her daughter with the fact she is living with her boyfriend (not clear on the stability of that relationship). The expression on the moms face said it all. It looked like someone ripped her heart out and she is just hanging on trying to get money to get a lawyer. So in the mean time her child is not allowed to see her own mom, and not allowed to even TALK to other kids once her grandmom shows up. Its sad...especially since I have seen how this mom really does love her kid and in the past she was very affectionate and giving. Now she is being denied her ability to see her child. From any standpoint...mom or dad....its heart breaking. I know there are two sides to each story, but does the grandmother have any legal standing to take her grandchild, and refuse her daughter the right to even talk to her?
Quoting milmiracle:
Yes and no. U r being judgemental but in a good way. I mean 1st off, there is a big difference in moms and grandmoms. Mothers are more open to their child exploring the world, especially young moms. Grandmas are less. It's two very different rearings and then there is the "this is not my kid" factor, "I have to answer to the parent if anything happens". It's stressful on the grandparent. So in a way I have an objective view on this.
No, the mom could get the grandmother for kidnapping if she wanted to. Unless grandma has legal papers giving her custody.
Ethan- Due January 15, 2010
yea- unless it went through court and the g-ma got either emergency or full custody of the child, there's NO WAY that she could keep the baby. thats NOT her child and its NOT her responsibility. its the mothers. that'd be like some stranger walking into my house and saying, i'm taking this kid.. uh-- hell no you arent.
from the first post- i thought that the child was put in the g-ma's custody for her welfare, not because g-ma just wanted to hang the kid over the mom's head. thats just wrong.
can she consult with an attorney to find out what rights grandparents have and how they have to obtain them? in ohio- you have to go through a court process. not sure if its the same in other places.
She is going to go see a lawyer...she is just worried that her mom will pull some kind of bs or lie to get custody. She kicked out the mom from the apartments and she isliving with her boyfriend right now. Her mom may try to say something to make it out that her daughter is not a good mom. I would call the police on her if it was my child. I love my mom, but if she did something like that...yep. Give my kid back or go to jail. I thinks she is trying to avoid doing that, but at this point that may be the only way to get her back.
Quoting Shy_Dia:
yea- unless it went through court and the g-ma got either emergency or full custody of the child, there's NO WAY that she could keep the baby. thats NOT her child and its NOT her responsibility. its the mothers. that'd be like some stranger walking into my house and saying, i'm taking this kid.. uh-- hell no you arent.
from the first post- i thought that the child was put in the g-ma's custody for her welfare, not because g-ma just wanted to hang the kid over the mom's head. thats just wrong.
can she consult with an attorney to find out what rights grandparents have and how they have to obtain them? in ohio- you have to go through a court process. not sure if its the same in other places.
The good news! I talked to the grandmother while I was waiting for school to let out and asked if the granddaughter would be able to come over to my dd birthday. She asked if Denise would be there (a friend of her daughters that she doesnt like from what she told me) I told her no and if she was that no she would not be driving her granddaughter home. So she agreed to let her granddaughter go to the party. I really dont want to get into the middle of all of this even though its wrong whats she is doing....I just want to see my kid and her grandkid have fun like little kids should. Not have to pay the price for adults acting like immature people. I hope at some point it all gets worked out. Especially because a child is being put in the middle of this situation. Sad, how that happens.
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- menmygurlz
on Nov. 23, 2009 at 5:19 PM