Please offer some advice before I loose my mind! May be long

[BoxerMomma]

Okay, I guess I should start with a little background.  I am 30 and have been married 13 years.  I have three children ages 12, 10, and 8.  I work full time and so does my husband.  I am gone from 6 am to 4 pm and he is gone from 8:45 am to 5:15 pm.  I am a very routine person and cannot stand for my routine to get messed up.  My dh swears I am ocd.  I have a place for everything and I want it there at all times unless it is being used right then.  I cannot stand to walk through the house and see things out of place if someone isn't using it.  I have honestly tried to not say anything and just let it go but will eat at me until I clean it up or make someone else. 

My 12 yr old is a pretty good kid but some of the things she does drives me nuts.  I mean she is 12 she should be able to do some things without being told EVERY day!  For example, last night she took a bath.  She comes out with her eye makeup still on and did not put lotion on her legs.  She is tan and her legs are very ashy looking if she doesn't have on lotion so I can tell.  I have to tell her every freaking time she gets out of the tub that she didn't take off her makeup or put on lotion.  I just don't get it.  I tell her every day, did you put on deoderant and she runs back in there and says I forgot.  Her excuse for everything is I forgot.  Am I really being too hard on her by wanting her to remember these things?  I will tell all the kids, go take your vitamins and brush your teeth.  I will notice she is back in her room before she has had time to do this and say did you brush your teeth and take your medicine and she will say I forgot to brush my teeth.  I mean she isn't even a teenager yet and really hasn't done anything THAT bad yet and I am already ready to loose it.  I have to find some way to cope with this.

My dh is another story.  I came home from work yesterday and changed clothes.  Got my younger two a snack and headed out to the oldest's basketball game.  I text him and said I will cook when I get home.  I got home about 5:30 and started cooking.  He did come in and ask if he could help but he was just getting in the way so I told him no.  I guess my no meant he didn't have to do anything the rest of the night because he planted his butt on the couch for the rest of the night.  I cooked dinner and made a dessert that I was supposed to bring to work.  Then I remembered I need to cook some ground beef too so I could put dinner in the crock pot this morning.  Then I had to do the dishes and start getting the kids stuff ready for the next day.  As soon as I started to get in the tub he started whining because he wanted to get in the tub.  I mean really?  I get up at 5:30 and he gets up at 7:00 but by all means he should take a bath so he can hurry up and get to bed.  How does that make a lick of sense?  He goes to bed before me pretty much every night.  Of course, this isn't even the beginning of our issues right now but it would take forever to go there.  Neither of our jobs are good right now and that only adds to the stress.

I feel like I need to see a counselor or something but I am scared of them and scared of being put on any medicine.  I have heard such bad things.  I know I need help but just don't know what to do.  I know that some if not most of my stress is self inflicted and I try not to let things bother me but it just doesn't work.

[taias_ma]

If you truly want the help, then don't be afraid of the stories you've heard.  If you want to get better, then do something about it instead of just continuing on being miserable.  No one else can help you if you don't take the first step.  Good Luck!!  :o)

[edwardsgirl]

I think you are being too hard on your daughter. She is only 12. Personally i think that is way to young to be wearing makeup. If anything just take it away and tell her when she responsible enough for it she can have it back. The ashy leg problem, they are her legs. When they start causing her trouble she'll remember to lotion. Let her figure it out on her own. If anything, your daughter knows these things drive you nuts and does them on purpose. 

[mommasbabies77]

Quoting taias_ma:

If you truly want the help, then don't be afraid of the stories you've heard.  If you want to get better, then do something about it instead of just continuing on being miserable.  No one else can help you if you don't take the first step.  Good Luck!!  :o)

[3giftsfromgod]

bless your heart. i hear ya loud and clear,lol I understand what you have said about seeing a councelor or getting on meds. I agrre. I think medicine only covers up the real issue. and can make things worse. i see a chrisitan councelor at my church which the cost is free. I tell you. it is awesome. not that i dont have issues because I do but I know God knbows my heart, mind and soul he knows what my porblems are and what is wrong with me. i have been determined to fight till I prove to people, that you dont need medicine(i know some do, im not talking about EVERyone. I have gone to him and said "I can't do it" and he says, "look, you are doing it" and he is right. things seem soooooooo hard then i sit back and look and guess what, I am doing it. My husband is alot dif than most men, he cant really ready, and was in ld classes when he was in school. so needless to say he works in a factory and thats it. i do everything else, it is like im a single mom. and not to mention he doesnt communticate, or even understand normal things. my oldest son is autistic and he is ALOT like his dad. and my middle son is adhd and has depression/anxiety. and a 3 yr old who is always on the go. ur daughte ris 12 right? my son will be 12 next week. and he is like that not only do i have to remind him every day/time buit soemtimes i have to fight with him. (not fight like fight, u know) one time i had to literally undress him try to pick him up/put him in the shower. cause he didnt wanna shower. it is like everyhting in this house is a battle. have you tried rewards with her maybe a chart. i wish i could help more. i just want you to know you can do it and u are doing it. hang in there, if u ever need to talk look me up.

[lyrick24]

you should in no way be afraid to see a councelor. they are there to help you and you have no idea how many mom's take something to get them through this time in their lives. sounds like you are under alot of stress. they don't have to give you something to zonk you and the counceling may be enough in itself. they can teach you relaxation techniques and different ways of viewing things. as far as your 12 year old goes, it's a stage they go through.when my daughters were that age they forgot everything! i was making a trip to school everyday because they had forgot something. as she gets older, she will start thinking about those ashy legs and who's looking at them! i think the councelor could probably help you work out some of your problems with your husband too with scheduling and all. i'm speaking from the voice of experience. hope all turns out well!

[connietrrll]

I am same way. Everything has to be in its spot. Everyone knows this about me. My kids are older then yours. My youngest just turned 13 yesterday. He does almost the samething minus the makeup. He will geeet dressed for school. I will say did you brush your teeth. He justs loks at me sighs and goes in and does it. My daughter is 17 she is just like me. Everything has its place for her, and if it is not there it is gone. My 23 year old thinks I am here to clean up after him. He just moved back in, and forgot the rules apparently. My DH is learning still after 18 years. He tries. I know that I act like it is not good enough, when he does things. He just sighs and says I tried.

I guess my advice would be to let them do the things to help. Just take a deep breathe, and don't say anything. It is hard believe me. Then if you feel the urge correct it later. Your daughter will probably grow up to be like you.

My daughter was straightening grocery shelves at 2. If there was cereal box out of place, she had to put it back. Yes she still does the same thing. Even worse she matches things up to where the price sticker is. If she doesn't she becomes a mega B****. She can not stand things that are unorganized. She will actually walk out of the store.

[BoxerMomma]

I really just felt like going to bed and crying last night.  I mean am I the only one the cares if the house is clean or not?  Obviously I am.  Why do I have to tell everyone, especially my husband, that something is dirty?  Do their eyes see different things than mine?  I know it just doesn't bother them for it to be dirty like it does me which aggravates me even more.  It is just a vicious cycle for me that I can seem to get a grip on.

[mommasbabies77]

Quoting BoxerMomma:

I really just felt like going to bed and crying last night.  I mean am I the only one the cares if the house is clean or not?  Obviously I am.  Why do I have to tell everyone, especially my husband, that something is dirty?  Do their eyes see different things than mine?  I know it just doesn't bother them for it to be dirty like it does me which aggravates me even more.  It is just a vicious cycle for me that I can seem to get a grip on.

I agree that men don't care if the house is clean or not and it's hard on us women lol. But, this is the conclusion that I have come to..if the house is sanitary enough that no one is going to get sick and I clean it at least once a week. There are far more important things to worry about than if the dishes are piled in the sink. It drove me nuts for so long but now..there are just too many other things to do than spend all my day cleaning up this and that. GL hon

[3giftsfromgod]

Quoting BoxerMomma:

I really just felt like going to bed and crying last night.  I mean am I the only one the cares if the house is clean or not?  Obviously I am.  Why do I have to tell everyone, especially my husband, that something is dirty?  Do their eyes see different things than mine?  I know it just doesn't bother them for it to be dirty like it does me which aggravates me even more.  It is just a vicious cycle for me that I can seem to get a grip on.

men and kids have no clue they sometimes take us for granted. dont take tit personaly. also have u always been so neat? if not maybe there is a deeper issue that u r subcounsciencly trying to cover, fill etc...  good luck momma.

[BoxerMomma]

I have always been this way.  My dad and mom are the same way.  No matter how hard I try it irritates the crap out of me.  I do know that keeping my house in order is a sense of control for me when everything else feels out of control.  I just don't know how to stop it.

Quoting 3giftsfromgod:

 

Quoting BoxerMomma:

I really just felt like going to bed and crying last night.  I mean am I the only one the cares if the house is clean or not?  Obviously I am.  Why do I have to tell everyone, especially my husband, that something is dirty?  Do their eyes see different things than mine?  I know it just doesn't bother them for it to be dirty like it does me which aggravates me even more.  It is just a vicious cycle for me that I can seem to get a grip on.

men and kids have no clue they sometimes take us for granted. dont take tit personaly. also have u always been so neat? if not maybe there is a deeper issue that u r subcounsciencly trying to cover, fill etc...  good luck momma.