Need a little advice, support... Husband's thinking about divorce. :(
I just don't know where this came from. It all happened Saturday morning, it took a long time for him to explain it to me but he's been thinking about a divorce. The way he keeps explaining it is that he just doesn't want to be married, he's bored with the same thing happening every single day, and he just needs something else in life - like he thinks he's missing something else out there.
All this time I thought we were happy!! I thought we had a great marriage, I thought he wanted to be with me forever.
After thanksgiving he will be going to stay with a friend for about a week or more to see if this is just some fleeting emotion he's having or if it's serious and we need to get a divorce. I just feel so numb. I can't smile and be happy without thinking about where I'm going to be next month.
I have to stop school, I don't have a job, I'll have to get one, move out, etc. At least he said I can have whatever I want without question if we get a divorce... so I'll get the car that's paid off, the laptop, I'll prob. get full custody of our son too, all our furniture, etc.. He doesn't want anything. I've never seen him cry so much about this. He just seems so confused.
Anyway, I just wanted to get some advice ya know? Or something.... It feels like my heart is being ripped out.
:(
And yes, this is a 'fake' profile....... I feel so stupid that I thought everything was going good.
he could be having a tempoary midlife crisis support him be a friend and he will see what the week without you he will miss you
it sounds like he is having trouble dealing with whatever emotions he is going through, i would just try to support him, be very firm that you love him and you don't want a divorce, but let him know that you are there to talk about his feelings, and hopefully when he is gone he will realize he misses you and you guys can figure out what is going on with him. Sounds like it could be depression as well.... good luck mama, hugs, i can' only imagine how hard this is for you :(
I would let him leave. i don't ever want to be the girl in waiting. What am I waiting for someone to take my place. He needs to be with your or not. We all have these feelings of boredom. We don't run. we make more of the relationship. Has coward written all over it! Good luck!
That is what I am hoping for. I keep thinking well, this will just show him what we really have and he will come to his senses and it will bring up closer together and make us appreciate each other more, but what if I'm wrong?!?!?
What if he's gone for the week and thinks, wow, this is pretty great - why didn't I think of this before....
:*(
Quoting goatmom4:
he could be having a tempoary midlife crisis support him be a friend and he will see what the week without you he will miss you
I don't really know what to say other than I am so sorry you are having to go through this. *hugs*
Just because he is "bored" really is not a valid reason in my book. Ask him if he would consider counseling. Every marriage has high points and low points. The SOS same ole situation each day is not a terrible thing. It seems a bit selfish on his part.
Just curious, how long have you been married?
Hang in there.
We've talked about this, and I did tell him that he could be depressed, he's been diagnosed before without treatment.... you can see how confused he is just by the look on his face.
And he keeps trying to make it better by telling me that maybe I could find someone else out there better than him if we get a divorce, and I keep thinking, yeah looking the way I do?! because I'm all stretched and mushy from having HIS baby... grrrr...
I told him I love him with everything I have and I never thought about getting a divorce - I always thought I'd be with him forever ya know?
I mean I guess it's not the end of the world if we get a divorce - I usually welcome a challenge, especially if in the end it will just prove that I can make it on my own and I don't need anyone else to help me. But I def. do not want to put our son through all this.
Quoting mamabeth4180:
it sounds like he is having trouble dealing with whatever emotions he is going through, i would just try to support him, be very firm that you love him and you don't want a divorce, but let him know that you are there to talk about his feelings, and hopefully when he is gone he will realize he misses you and you guys can figure out what is going on with him. Sounds like it could be depression as well.... good luck mama, hugs, i can' only imagine how hard this is for you :(
Oh, honey...that's terrible! I really hate that it seemed to come out of nowhere for you :( I wish that men would open up about their feelings before they get it in their minds that they want to leave. Did you guys talk about things you could do to make it "less boring"? More spontaneous?
Not to pry, but if/when you have sex, is it the same thing all the time? Like you could have a checklist of what's gonna happen next? My DH & I recently went through this & when we finally opened up to each other & talked about it, we both realized there were things we could be doing to "spice it up" that neither of us knew the other was ok with until we talked. Just a thought.
Does he have single friends? Is he seeing them out there living the single life & getting jealous? I hate that they think the grass is so green on the other side. Its such crap!
We haven't been married that long, been together 6 years, married 4. March would be 5.
And he has told me he feels like he's being selfish, but that he needs to be honest with me.
Quoting mammafox:
Just because he is "bored" really is not a valid reason in my book. Ask him if he would consider counseling. Every marriage has high points and low points. The SOS same ole situation each day is not a terrible thing. It seems a bit selfish on his part.
Just curious, how long have you been married?
Hang in there.
I've tried to have more fun at home, but it's hard when he's exhausted from working and I have homework to do, etc. I always say "hey we should do this, or let's go here and see this"...
It's not our sex life that's on the fritz, that actually got a lot better.. but hell, now all I can think about is when I'm going to have sex again! And if it's going to be with him or someone else! Or, will I even date because of my son....
He does have single friends at work, but he normally hangs out around married people... Recently he has been going out more, but he claims that he's been doing that to get his mind off how he's feeling about us.
This whole situation sucks! And right before the holidays!!
Quoting MamaBloom777:
Oh, honey...that's terrible! I really hate that it seemed to come out of nowhere for you :( I wish that men would open up about their feelings before they get it in their minds that they want to leave. Did you guys talk about things you could do to make it "less boring"? More spontaneous?
Not to pry, but if/when you have sex, is it the same thing all the time? Like you could have a checklist of what's gonna happen next? My DH & I recently went through this & when we finally opened up to each other & talked about it, we both realized there were things we could be doing to "spice it up" that neither of us knew the other was ok with until we talked. Just a thought.
Does he have single friends? Is he seeing them out there living the single life & getting jealous? I hate that they think the grass is so green on the other side. Its such crap!
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on Nov. 25, 2009 at 8:50 AM