Yesterday my grandma passed away. Very unexpectedly she was gone. Now everyone is worried about my 8 year old that spent a lot of time with her. She saw her almost every weekend and once a day during the week. Since she was born my grandma even watched her for me while I was in school from the time she was 2 weeks old to 2 years. Shes not reacted at all to her death. We told her and she shrugged and walked away to do something else. I don't know if this is just how she is going to handle it or if I should be worried. We lost my brother (her uncle) last year in Afghanistan and she only saw him once or twice and she was distraught over him so her acting this way has everyone worried. I don't know what to do or say to her. I don't know if shes acting like it hasn't happened so she doesnt hurt. I can't figure anything out because heck I don't even know what to do. I have all her million phone numbers in my phone thank you cards addressed to her from my toddlers birthday party and I am a mess freakin out do I delete the numbers and throw away the cards? Ugh I can't even take care of myself let alone figure out how to help her but I am trying I just don't know what to do..Help please...
Well my MIL passed away almost 2 years ago and my step-daughter was 7 years old at the time. She reacted in much the same way .. didn't cry all that much and acted almost as though she didn't realize that her green guy (what they called her) was gone forever. She still doesn't talk about her or anything.. at least not to us. I remember when her mom and I told them (sd and ss) that she had passed.. my step son definitely understood more. I would just keep an eye on her and watch for any abnormal behavior for her. She could be in shock and not accepting it yet. It's hard for kids that age to understand the permanency of it all... I am so sorry!
I asked her if she undestood what I meant because at first I think I said it wrong and she asked "so is she too sick to fix my pants?" (she was always the grandma my dolls broke fix it or my pants are ripped fix it grandma) and I said Honey, grandma is dead she died this morning she is now in heaven with your Uncle and thats when she asked if she quit breathing or her heart quit beating and I said both honey shes gone. She shrugged played with her bracelets and walked away. She hung a picture of her up on the fridge and that was it.
Sorry for your loss.
Here is my take on teh situation. I am not a counselor or therapist though I do have some experience with death and grieving for my job. She either may not understand or she may be trying to ignore it. At 8 I would think that it is more likely the second one. She may think that if she doesn't believe it it is not true. However, there will come a time when it will sink in and she may have already come to terms with it, or she may be devistated. My suggestion is to just tell her that you are there for her and if she EVER needs to talk you can listen. Let her know that it is ok for her to cry and people show their feelings in different ways. If she gets to a point where she is not acting "normal" or not doing things she once loved to do or not taking care of herself (personal hygience stuff that she normally does), then I recomend a child psychologist to see her for possible depression. I hope this helps, but like I said I am not a professional and I do not know your daughter.
I am sorry for your loss....As far as the behavior, it's completely normal. My dad passed away on labor day, & i went alone to OH when i knew he was at his last days...When i came home & told my oldest dd(9), she just seemed unfaced from it, but i knew it coming sooner or later, the only reason why i mention her & not my youngest, it's because she was a lot closer to my dad than my younger ones. One day she comes home from school & she's not the happy girl that i know, i thought something happened in school, so i asked what was wrong, if something happened in school & she just started bawling, so i am getting worried. I waited that she calmed down & she finally told me that she missed her grandpa & that she just wanted him back, why did he have to die & why "I" didn't take her with me to OH. She was grieving, she was upset...it really killed me inside because i am still grieving, i was also very close to my father..The point of my story is that she will come around when she's ready...just give her time to process it & grieve on her own....I did a lot of reading on grieving children for the same reason of no REACTION from my dd.....Sorry, did not mean to take your story!!! Hugs
R.I.P. Daddy...miss you 9/7/09
I think kids dont know what death is exactly and she may just be a bit confused and it hasnt really sunk in yet kwim.....im sorry to hear about your loss though
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. My grandmother just passed away last week and my 6 y/o son is acting just like your daughter is. Your poor daughter has seen more loss than any little girl should especially at her age. I think after she has lost before and it hurt, so this time she may be bottling it up, it will probably come out soon, or maybe she has figured out how to greive on her own.
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- Rebecka83
on Nov. 25, 2009 at 12:56 PM