It seems there is an abundance of families who live off of one income and collect PA because the father does not make enough to support the family and mom doesn't feel the need to work. So I'm curious, when you started dating your DH or SO did he have a decent job? I understand there have been tons of lay offs lately and people are having to take what jobs they can find, I'm not talking about that. I'm just trying to understand why someone would want to marry or start a family with someone who had no means of supporting a family. When I started seeing my DH I knew he had a plan for his life. He was (is) in the military and will stay in for 20 years. He paid his bills, took care of his responsibilities etc. That is what I wanted in a husband, someone who had a career and was responsible and could take care of his family. He knew from the beginning that I wanted to be a SAHM and he made that happen. If we were going to have to scrape by and live off the government or something I wouldn't have married him. Not saying I'm a gold digger or anything, I didn't care how much money he had, I just wanted to know he had drive and direction.
My dh and I were both in college when we met. He finished before me and we were a one income family with no pa.
I have no issue with pa if people use it as a temporary means to an end. I do have a problem with lazy ass women who won't work and marry losers and have 4 kids with them and expect hard working, educated people to take care of them.
If you are one, get off your ass and go to work. You are no better than anyone else to have to carry your own damn load.
So what if DH worked at McDonalds making minimum wage when you met him? He would be the same person would you have married him then? Ummm...I think you are a gold digger and extremely shallow. I also think we have had enough of these SAHM on PA posts. Pull the stick out of your @ss and move on.
Did you not read the part where my DH is in the military?? That means he doesn't make a helluva lot right? Gold diggers usually want a lot of money. What I'm saying is why would you start a family with a man who can't support you if you want to be a SAHM? If you want to stay at home wait until he's at least the manager of McDonalds and can support his family.
Quoting maryb311:So what if DH worked at McDonalds making minimum wage when you met him? He would be the same person would you have married him then? Ummm...I think you are a gold digger and extremely shallow. I also think we have had enough of these SAHM on PA posts. Pull the stick out of your @ss and move on.
when i moved out here, i had the intentions of getting a job in pre-k special needs. but then i found out that i have to go to school for cert. or pay for it, i dind't have the money (neither did df) and i wasn't prepared to go back to school. my 3rd month here, i started an Ameriplan business and worked my ass off day and night, night and day, and was unsuccessful (i blame it on poor upline support because i did everything i was told in my training, etc. and i didn't know how else to succeed). THAT failed, so then i started applying for jobs... and there was one in particular that I "knocked down my boss's door" for... it took me about a month and a half to get in for an interview and testing, but i got it, just to get fired less than a month later, because i was throwing up before my night shift and had to call in (phone job, Ecolab CSR) and the Team Lead on duty connected me to "Supervisor" who i wasn't told was the supervisor, she was nothing but a scheduler and a trainer... who told me to either bring in a bucket or be terminated. so she fired me. a week later i found out i was pregnant. the day after i got out of the ER from dehydration due to puking from 4am to 3pm, my hiring boss called and talked about the situation and hinted towards me coming back, but i was in no shape to. now, here i am trying to get a job from home.... and i was on WIC while i was pregnant....before df inherited money from his step father, we had a car payment and credit card payments that left barely any money for groceries....and i was a HUNNNNGRY pregnant chick.
If you couldn't have been a SAHM would you have married him? What happens if he gets out of the military for whatever reason, will you divorce him? Alot of things can happen, he could get injured (which I really really hope he doesn't I wouldn't wish that upon anybody!) and get out on medical and guess what benefits really are not that much. To be a SAHM with hubby collecting VA isn't going to pay the bills. I am just so tired of ppl bashing moms who stay home with their children but still get PA. We don't know everybody's story, maybe there is a reason for them staying home right now. Maybe they are unable to work because of a disability of theirs or their child's. Maybe they just can not find a job that is going to cover their bills. Alot of the time a family with 2 incomes will not qualify for needed assistance. So is the mom supposed to go to work and lose all their benefits and then what? They are paying for child care out of pocket, lose their FS and not bringing home enouigh to pay the bills and put food on the table. I am not saying that people should quit their jobs and apply for FS but every situation is different and being bashed by moms like you isn't helping.
Quoting maryb311:So what if DH worked at McDonalds making minimum wage when you met him? He would be the same person would you have married him then? Ummm...I think you are a gold digger and extremely shallow. I also think we have had enough of these SAHM on PA posts. Pull the stick out of your @ss and move on.
I should have said this is not about people who have children with disabilites or illnesses, there's no way you can plan for that. I would have still married him of course but we would not have started a family until we could afford for me to stay at home. Lord forbid something happens to him I will go back to work, I've been home the original amount of time I wanted (the first five years for both) and could support them. I just really think that if people want to have a family then they need to do everything to support them. If we were to hit a rough patch I'd work nights to help take care of my family and not pay for daycare. I'd baby sit or something.
Quoting maryb311:If you couldn't have been a SAHM would you have married him? What happens if he gets out of the military for whatever reason, will you divorce him? Alot of things can happen, he could get injured (which I really really hope he doesn't I wouldn't wish that upon anybody!) and get out on medical and guess what benefits really are not that much. To be a SAHM with hubby collecting VA isn't going to pay the bills. I am just so tired of ppl bashing moms who stay home with their children but still get PA. We don't know everybody's story, maybe there is a reason for them staying home right now. Maybe they are unable to work because of a disability of theirs or their child's. Maybe they just can not find a job that is going to cover their bills. Alot of the time a family with 2 incomes will not qualify for needed assistance. So is the mom supposed to go to work and lose all their benefits and then what? They are paying for child care out of pocket, lose their FS and not bringing home enouigh to pay the bills and put food on the table. I am not saying that people should quit their jobs and apply for FS but every situation is different and being bashed by moms like you isn't helping.
Not as easy as it sounds working nights or just babysitting. While you're at work DH is at home with the kidls sleeping right. Well you come home and oyu want to go to sleep but nope the kids are awake. Trust me we tried this DH still works nights.
And you say you wouldn't have planned on having a family. Life doesn't go as planned. You could be on birth control preventing a pregnancy and oops, it fails!! Or you could have been well off great jobs, great house, great income and not needing PA decided to start a family and then BAM!!! You are hit by the shit train. There are many different factors to this issue and impossible to cover them all. But people lump everybody on PA into one large group and poj their fingers saying "get off your ass and get a job." Not always as easy as it sounds.
Gold-digger or whatever, there's no way in hell I would have ever considered marrying a McDonald's crew member. He better be a general manager or something. I completely understand shit happens and life doesn't always go as planned but if you have no plan, you're planning to fail from the get go. If you marry a broke ass man with a dream, you may just be stuck with a dream. If you can't afford a family, don't damn start one. Your lifestyle does not have to be living high off the hog but live within your means, whatever your means are.
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- bluesky51201
on Nov. 25, 2009 at 8:29 PM