Many in Their 20's Are Not Trying To Avoid Unplanned Pregnancy
The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy recently conducted focus groups with adults in the 20's to find out why so many are having unplanned pregnancies. Do you agree with the 9 statements below?
The findings below represent some of the key themes that
emerged from this focus group research. Focus groups were conducted with unmarried
men and women in their 20s. Some had children already, others did not. Levels of
contraception use varied. Information about the “success story” interviews we did –
sessions with committed users of contraception – appear at the end of this document.
1) Getting pregnant isn't as bad as getting an STD. Almost without exception STDs
were more feared than pregnancy. STDs are usually the first reason given when asked
about using condoms:
• "My first thought is the first thing that comes to my mind is AIDS." Comparing
the idea of an STD to the idea of getting pregnant, one woman said: "It's like I
have trusted you with my life, and you bring me back something that might take
my life. Whereas a child, we are bringing something into this world together."
• Said another woman: "Having an STD is so much worse than getting pregnant. I
don't think a man would be with you if you had herpes, but having a kid isn't as
big of a deterrent."
• More: "STDs are more serious (than pregnancy). You can't get rid of it. They
don't go away. Some could kill me." "If you don't want to be pregnant there are
alternatives to it. Not with some diseases."
2) "I'm not a kid anymore. I'll have to step up." Many said that now that they're
adults, if they get pregnant by accident, they have to step up and take responsibility.
Even if they don't feel very adult right now, the world sees them as such and they have to
deal with their mistakes. All felt that getting pregnant as a teen was worse -- more to lose
as a teen. Unlike when they were teenagers, 20-something women think they are ready
and able to raise a child if need be:
• "I think of it as ‘do I want to have children?' Maybe not right now. It's not going
to kill me if I have one, so therefore I'm not thinking about I'm not going to get
pregnant because I'm going to use protection. Well if it happens, I got to deal
with that."
• Said one young woman: "I'm 28. A baby is not the worst thing that could happen
to me."
• Said many: "If it happens, it happens."
3) Planning is a strange concept. We looked at the concept of "planning" as it
pertains to pregnancy and found that young adults -- even those who meticulously plan in
other areas of their lives -- don't do so when it comes to getting pregnant or avoiding
pregnancy. Participants told us that planning is for "rich people" or older people who
are having trouble conceiving.
• "Planning is for people who are financially stable."
Even those who intellectually think about or talk about planning a pregnancy don't
exhibit the behavior to match. Example: One woman we spoke to told us she had a
miscarriage a couple of years ago. She said it was sad but "a really big relief":
• "You're relieved that you're not pregnant anymore. We both know that relief that
it wasn't happening anymore. We want to plan this. We definitely want to plan it
later."
Still, even though she says she wants to "plan it" and she has actually been pregnant
before, her contraception use is sporadic and she is fine with that. Said one of our
participants who was most committed to using contraception:
• "When it comes to planning a pregnancy, you can put everything else in place first, then
stop planning and let it happen."
4) Ambivalence is rampant. The unmarried 20-somethings we spoke with all said
they didn't want to get pregnant but upon further examination some backed away from
that assertion. Some thought that having a child would give their lives direction and
purpose. Others thought it could strengthen their relationships. One man we spoke to,
when presented with the idea that his behavior and his words don't exactly match as it
pertains to having/not having children:
• "I guess when it comes down to it I really wouldn't care if I did have one."
He wasn't the only male who felt this way. From the women we heard similar
sentiments:
• "I don't want a baby but we're not using condoms, just the rhythm method. So if
that doesn't work I'd just have to suck it up and have a baby."
• Another: "I just don't think about it. I don't want to get pregnant but it wouldn't
be a big deal if it happened."
• More: "I know when I ovulate but I have sex anyway. I don't really want to have
another baby. It's just stupidity."
5) Confusion about contraception and fertility is overwhelming. There is an
enormous lack of accurate information among this population. Most think that
withdrawal is an adequate form of birth control. Many think that all women suffer side
effects from all birth control pills. Few men or women know about the female fertility
cycle (some think you can't get pregnant at certain times of the month, some think if you
haven't been pregnant yet you probably never will be, etc.) Comments we heard from
men include:
• "It's really hard to get a girl pregnant."
• "They ovulate a couple of days before their period. Or weeks before their period.
Which is it?" "There is one day that is safe."
• One woman told us: "I can't take any of that stuff (hormonal birth control) - birth
control and shots and things like that. You get fat and your hair falls out."
• Few we spoke with had good things to say about Depo Provera ("the shot") or
NuvaRing ("the ring"). No one we spoke with mentioned the IUD at all. Said
one man we spoke with: "I learned about all this in high school. Since then I
only learn about it from TV commercials."
6) Women's self esteem is a factor in condom use. Many of the women we heard
from were afraid to bring up contraception or afraid to insist on it, at the risk of losing
their man or their relationship. One woman said using protection is a must when sleeping
with someone new but she described that as being "selfish":
• "There's so many STDs and HIV going around, you obviously -- you have to be
little selfish upon yourself and your body and you have to know what's going in
and out."
• Another woman said one reason people don't use protection is because "You feel
that will make him happy you want to keep him happy."
• More: "You just feel like they want it so badly that how you're going to keep
them. That's how he's going to keep dating you."
For some women, it's as if getting pregnant when they don't necessarily want to is not as
bad a fate as not having a man around in the first place.
7) Financial stability is a big concern but... Not everyone makes the connection
between the risk of pregnancy and the expense of parenting. Even those who do say
financial stability is important before parenthood (men predominantly) don't necessarily
take care to avoid pregnancy. Even young unmarried parents don't use protection, even
as they struggle with the cost of raising children.
8) There is nothing wrong with having children outside of marriage. We spoke to
multiple groups of unmarried parents so it's not surprising that the prevailing societal
norm of getting married first and having children afterward wasn't a must. Still, the idea
of being married or even living with the other parent of your child, was almost a foreign
concept. Few of the young moms we talked to live with their children's fathers -- even if
they are still "together." Many young adults today were raised by single parents,
certainly pop culture is full of these images and stories. In their minds it is a perfectly
acceptable lifestyle choice.
• When asked about any ‘rules' or social norms related to sex and pregnancy
among her peers, one participant said the "ideal is to stick with one daddy," but
"that doesn't always happen. If you make a mistake with the wrong guy, you
want to try again with the right guy."
On a related note, the traditional definitions of relationships and commitment weren't
necessarily relevant to this population. A number of the women we spoke to -- those
with and without children -- wouldn't call their significant other/baby's
father/boyfriend/etc. by any term that had connotations of commitment. For example,
one woman said she'd been "talking to someone" for five months. Others used the term
"friends with benefits." Perhaps they wanted steady relationships but were afraid to push
too hard for them and afraid to label them as such. In addition, many of the men were
also at odds with the concept of monogamy. We heard from men who had their main
girlfriend who they "loved" but they were also sleeping with other women "on the side."
The idea of a one man-one woman commitment seemed to be almost irrelevant and
archaic for them.
9) There are a million excuses. Among the reasons we heard for not using
protection: "ran out"; "heat of the moment"; "drunk"; "stupid" "feels better without a
condom"; "won't see her again."
Bottom line: There is a real disconnect between the desire not to be pregnant and the
actual behavior to prevent it.
* * *
Among the "success story" people we spoke to (those committed to contraception and
constant in its use) the sentiments were a little different. These people were more goal-
oriented in general and postponing pregnancy was one of those goals. Overall they were
more confident individuals, more active in determining the direction of their lives, and
more secure in their relationships. They were more likely to take responsibility for
themselves and their actions.
• As one described his less-committed counterparts: "The difference is that they let
life happen to them rather than making things happen."
What 20-Somethings Are Saying About Pregnancy, Sex, and Childbearing: Findings From Focus Groups (2007)
http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/reports.aspx#20
Quoting Liyoness:
Several of those were very true for me before I conceived my first. Because I did NOT want back to back pregnancies, I went on birth control immediately after having my first daughter. I went off of it when I was ready to conceive again (the second time being planned, the first being an unplanned "if it happens it happens. I'm not TRYING to make it happen, but I won't be upset if it does." ).. I did NOT go on birth control again after having my second, but we ALWAYS use condoms, and I am aware of my fertility signs and make sure DH knows as well when I'm ovulating, or close to it.
Did your husband feel the same way, that if it happened he wouldn't be upset? I think this becomes a major problem if only one partner is ok with an unplanned pregnancy occurring, but the other isn't.
i think its sad that not only do adults that don't want a baby but teens also just don't seem to care if it happens.
im 25 i had my first 7/7/09 and i was already married a year before i got pregnant .
my son was very much planned .
i knew i was ready to be a mommy .its so sad that ppl put themselves in a bad situation out of laziness,lack of care,stupidity .
why cant they take the responsibilaty of using birth control
Quoting babie113:i think its sad that not only do adults that don't want a baby but teens also just don't seem to care if it happens.
im 25 i had my first 7/7/09 and i was already married a year before i got pregnant .
my son was very much planned .
i knew i was ready to be a mommy .its so sad that ppl put themselves in a bad situation out of laziness,lack of care,stupidity .
why cant they take the responsibilaty of using birth control
I agree. Things usually work out better for all concerned, especially the child, if the pregnancy was planned (by both people).
What this report still doesn't answer is why do many of these people feel the way that they do? It is a huge departure from young adult behavior of only a decade ago.
OP, were/are you a teen mom? do you have a child that's a teen parent? idk, i find it odd that 99% of your posts are about teen pregnancy.
if you are one of those overly annoying people, who seem to get offended over every little thing, and like to pull out the "judgemental" card....please, do not quote me. i don't pay attention to stupid and i do not deal with whiners.
get yourself a tissue, grow up, and move on. and have a great day. :-)
i wonder this too..they are ALL about teen pregnancies, or related to the subject..
Quoting shecallsmemom04:OP, were/are you a teen mom? do you have a child that's a teen parent? idk, i find it odd that 99% of your posts are about teen pregnancy.
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on Nov. 26, 2009 at 7:24 PM