So last night was a good night. We had our Thanksgiving dinner we spent the day with my in laws. I also asked them yesterday if they could watch the kids friday night so hubby and I can go out for our anniversary. They said yes there was no problem with it. Well when we were getting ready to leave my oldest was saying he did not want to he wanted to stay the night and nana and papa's. Papa said it was ok no problem there. At about 9 last night we get a violent knock on the door and here is my FIL walking in with my son. He says in a very angry manner that he had no PJ's. My son has spent the night there with no PJ's before, he just wore one of my niece's shirts to bed. Also my hubby was going to be there by 8 in the morning and would have some cothes for my son. He then says (still in an angry manner) that we should not even bring the kids over and that he would see john tomorrow.
My in laws would take my son every weekend and would sometimes keep him for almost a week during the summer but then when se start asking for help so hubby and I can go out every once in a while. That is when the whole thing started. They would say yes at first and then find some stupid reason to say no. They are fine with taking the kids when it suits them but when it is not them wanting them they go and play mind games and start refusing. God I hate my in laws. Thank you for letting my vent.
Brandi wife to John
Mother to Joshua, Aurora, Jacob, And 3 Angel Babies
That sucks. Hope everything works out so you can go out for your anniversary.
they only really spend time with my oldest. my odlest starting spending sunday nights at my in laws at ten months but they say my daughter has to be fully potty trained to be able to start spending the night at all. and I bet they wouldn't even see the kids if we stopped going over there. I know that is sad but it is true.
Quoting McKennasmom03:
Time for a family talk. Everyone sit calmly down and figure what the problem is and how to fix it. At least they spend time with your kids.
Brandi wife to John
Mother to Joshua, Aurora, Jacob, And 3 Angel Babies
I'm sorry to hear that. We are a family who has no Grandparents. MIL and FIL stink and don't want nothing to do with me or my kids. My Mom passed away.If they aren't going to participate then find another person who is loving and accepting of both of the kids. My DH and I did everything with our older kids. We never were alone. We didn't have the money for sitters and didn't trust anyone any way. It was hard but we did it. My youngest only goes with her older siblings. No sitters or grandparents to help out there either.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like they are already watching/spending time with the kids A LOT. Maybe they feel it is an intrusion for you to ask them now to watch them additionally once a week. That really can be a lot, especially for some older people, or for families where there are grandchildren from more than one dd or ds. Are you coming across as appreciative when they watch/take care of the kids or do you expect it? Having a relationship with their grandchildren is important, I agree. But they don't owe you overnights or babysitting. My children spend a lot of time with my parents but I'm visiting with them too, visiting as well. They did the parent thing once and while they probably enjoy spending time with the grandkids, they may feel put upon, babysitting-wise.
If I were you I'd sit down with them and honestly ask and listen. I'm almost sure this can be worked out.
Theresa
OK, so you've discovered the secret: your in-laws want to be kind & generous - on their terms and convienience. You & hubby need to re-think your anniversary celebrating. HAVE AN IN-HOME DATE! If the kids are old enough to help out, let them act as your waiter/ serving person and musicians. Have your favorite meal delivered from your choice restaurant.Your kids open door, collect food, then serve you both @ the table. One of the kids can be in charge of the radio or stereo, playing the music of your choice. Let your kids see you & your dh/SO act romantic with each other. Do some slow dancing, hold hands as you watch a "chick-flick" or any movie the two of you enjoy. - whatever! Remember, this is "date night!" have fun, relax & flirt with each other. Think of the $'s you're saving, just staying in - that should get you all warm & snuggly!! Have fun, Rule #1 is NO ARGUMENTS, NO TALK OF BILLS OR PROBLEMS!
I'm sorry...your situation sounds frustrating. I would also begin to wonder what their agenda was because to cancel last minute and on your anniversary is questionable. If they watch them all the time by choice, there is no reason they can't watch them for something like an anniversary. If watching them outside of their terms is "too much" then they should not agree to watch them in the first place and allow you to arrange for a reliable caregiver. If you aren't able to sit down and talk with them about this, then perhaps you can be a little more flexible with your anniversary? Take advantage of when they feel like watching the kids and whenever that is...make "that" night your celebration night. I hope everything works out.
I don't ask them to watch the kids once a week all year we have asked them to watch them 3-4 times. only 1-2 of them actually worked but the others have not because my in laws find some reason to cancel. Yes I do act grateful and hubby and I watch my niece for them all the time. She is 10 and lives them. She stays the night when ever FIL wants to go to a buddy's house a few towns over, hunting, fishing, or anything he wants to do. They expect us to be there for them when ever they need help with her but when it comes to my kids they play favorites and ony do things with my oldest and act like my kids are a burden to them.
Quoting TheresaMomof9:
Please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like they are already watching/spending time with the kids A LOT. Maybe they feel it is an intrusion for you to ask them now to watch them additionally once a week. That really can be a lot, especially for some older people, or for families where there are grandchildren from more than one dd or ds. Are you coming across as appreciative when they watch/take care of the kids or do you expect it? Having a relationship with their grandchildren is important, I agree. But they don't owe you overnights or babysitting. My children spend a lot of time with my parents but I'm visiting with them too, visiting as well. They did the parent thing once and while they probably enjoy spending time with the grandkids, they may feel put upon, babysitting-wise.
If I were you I'd sit down with them and honestly ask and listen. I'm almost sure this can be worked out.
Theresa
Brandi wife to John
Mother to Joshua, Aurora, Jacob, And 3 Angel Babies
They are not happy that their son married me and have always tried to start major fights between us. There has been times that my MIL has asked me if this fight that hubby and I are having is making want to just leave and move back to my moms. (haven't lived with my mom since I was 17) and she has tried to make it quit clear that if hubby and I ever do get divorced she will do her damndest to make sure the kids stay with them. They are always making it known that I do not belong in this family.
Quoting PinUpGirl7376:
I'm sorry...your situation sounds frustrating. I would also begin to wonder what their agenda was because to cancel last minute and on your anniversary is questionable. If they watch them all the time by choice, there is no reason they can't watch them for something like an anniversary. If watching them outside of their terms is "too much" then they should not agree to watch them in the first place and allow you to arrange for a reliable caregiver. If you aren't able to sit down and talk with them about this, then perhaps you can be a little more flexible with your anniversary? Take advantage of when they feel like watching the kids and whenever that is...make "that" night your celebration night. I hope everything works out.
Brandi wife to John
Mother to Joshua, Aurora, Jacob, And 3 Angel Babies
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- goodnightmama
on Nov. 27, 2009 at 11:28 AM