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Need a laugh? Ad your own too!

Posted by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 12:37 AM
  • 6 Replies

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection.. again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.
What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay .

by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 12:37 AM
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Replies (1-6):
Starfire73
by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 12:40 AM

LMAO @ # 20!!!


Why the hell do they call them "oyster crackers"? They don't look like oysters and the don't taste like oysters!

Rosalynsmomma
by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 12:44 AM

lmao! omg i loved #15 i laughed my ass off. seriously.

katiebugg319
by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 12:46 AM

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.


15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.
What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?


18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?



LMFAO

soda meet monitor

ashleyrenee24
by Ashley on Dec. 1, 2009 at 12:54 AM

bump

Starfire73
by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 1:00 AM

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

**************************

****************

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we
were in bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat
up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The
wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"

And then the fight started...

******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you
just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I
couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started......

*****************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's
license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to
go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing
my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't
been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

******************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

clovismommy25
by on Dec. 1, 2009 at 10:26 AM

bump for morning ppl

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