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My life is falling apart (long)

Posted by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 12:13 PM
  • 8 Replies

Ok so last night I was checking my fiance's facebook stuff and doing his farm (he's a truck driver and has me check it for him) and he had a message from this chick saying she thought it was great that he was back together with someone else. I call his company this morning to have him call me back, he calls me back and I ask him about it. He says they're not together but he doesn't know who to choose. He said that he hasn't been happy with me for a while, that he was with me so he could still see the kids but he still loves me. Said he also loved her too though. I've seen him once since he got this job and it was only for maybe 12 hours, he has seen her 5 or 6 times. My life is falling apart, we were supposed to get married next fall. We're having a girl in Feb. What the hell am I supposed to do? His birthday was Saturday and who does he call and talk to? Not me or his son. To me he has made his desision. He told me he didn't want it to be like his other ex's who don't let him see his kids. What the hell you think I'm that kind of person? Sure you can see them, take them for the day whatever, I'm not going to keep them from you. But if he chooses her, he's going to move to Dallas so when the hell would you see them anyway? Jan will be 4 years and I have never felt like this about anyone before. When he got off the phone he didn't even tell me he loved me. He said they haven't spent the night together and they haven't had sex so in his mind he hasn't cheated, said he had too much respect for me than to do that. He said he would still pay the car payment and send me money, he wouldn't leave me with nothing. To me it sounded like he was choosing her over his family. She knows about me and doesn't even care. Someone please tell me it's going to be ok or something. Normally I just tell him "whatever I never want to talk to you again" but with kids it's so different. I don't want my son to lose his daddy and I want the new baby to know him. I thought we were so happy, not one little arguement in over a year. Oh by the way, he got a new cell phone and didn't tell me anything about it, also said she didn't have the number either. Sorry it's so long, never had a problem like this. Thanks to those ladies who read all the way through.

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by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 12:13 PM
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Replies (1-8):
pixylove101
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 12:17 PM

I wish you the best at this point. It sounds like he has made up his mind. However, when he gets what he thinks he wants he may not want it anymore. He may then want you. This situation is never good. If I were you I would try to let him go. He may then come back if you still want him you will have to try to live with all that he has done.

AMarineLovesMe
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 12:18 PM

I am so sorry hun.   It definitely does sound like he's already made his decision, and you said his other ex's and kids - as in more than one other woman out the with a kid by him?  Seems likes a trend if you ask me.  I know it hurts, and it's going to be hard, but stay strong, if not for yourself then for those babies!!!  Keep your chin up momma!

luv2wahm
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 12:21 PM

Sweetie...have a good long cry, get over the shock..and then start pulling it together...whether he's made his choice or not, it isn't fair of him to keep you hanging on the side while he figures stuff out...you deserve better than that...


Regardless of whether you are together or not, it is possible for the children to have a relationship with their father..it may not be in the capacity that you were wishing for, but it can still happen.


I wouldn't count on him coming back...plan your future as if he isn't...you can find the strength in you...if sometime in the future he does come back..great, but if he doesn't you've already made a life without him..

  Team Santa~

Who I am as a mom can not be expressed in a paragraph. It is expressed by who my children will become.

luv_my_xiya
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 12:22 PM

its good that you found out before you got married. your children will know their father as long as he makes the effort to see them. please dont beg him to stay, let him leave and you make the necessary steps to make a life for you and your children. It disgusts me that he is even talking to this other female, much less trying to have the both of you. Dont stick around while he tries to make up his mind, at this point I wouldnt even be an option. You will be ok, just push forward for your children and for your own sanity.

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25beengoodtome
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 12:24 PM

BEFORE you do the I DO'S, cut your losses, get yourself a chance for a real & true  loving man. This guy has already told you he's not sure he LOVES you more than the other woman? and you're due to have his baby in Feb?  Don't be afraid to start over now, while you're still young &  relatively free to leave. Why hang on to a bag of rocks, while you're trying to swim upstream?

~Marie - I'm Absolutely ADDICTED TO CAFEMOM - and loving it!!
scootermom
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 12:29 PM


Quoting luv2wahm:

Sweetie...have a good long cry, get over the shock..and then start pulling it together...whether he's made his choice or not, it isn't fair of him to keep you hanging on the side while he figures stuff out...you deserve better than that...


Regardless of whether you are together or not, it is possible for the children to have a relationship with their father..it may not be in the capacity that you were wishing for, but it can still happen.

 

I wouldn't count on him coming back...plan your future as if he isn't...you can find the strength in you...if sometime in the future he does come back..great, but if he doesn't you've already made a life without him..


meghan451
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 12:33 PM

this. im sorry but it does sound like a trend. it sounds like he's already made up his mind and i think you're way better off without him.

Quoting AMarineLovesMe:

I am so sorry hun.   It definitely does sound like he's already made his decision, and you said his other ex's and kids - as in more than one other woman out the with a kid by him?  Seems likes a trend if you ask me.  I know it hurts, and it's going to be hard, but stay strong, if not for yourself then for those babies!!!  Keep your chin up momma!


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jrsmommie
by on Dec. 14, 2009 at 12:51 PM

Yea he has 4 other kids, he was married twice. They never let him see the kids.

I know what I have to do but it's just so hard, I don't know if I'm strong enough. We are living with my parents and I know they will help me as much as they can. I've never been alone before. Yes I did depend on him, he told me I wouldn't have to work if I didnt want to, I could stay home with Jr. Looking back I know that's a mistake. I love his dad and step mom so much. I sure am going to miss seeing them so much. It's funny when we were living in Chattanooga we would fight about everything and I almost ended things but he cried and begged for me to stay with him so I just went and stayed with my parents for a week and went to our family reunion with them. The whole time on the phone he was telling me it was hard to tell me all of it cuz he knew it would hurt me. Said he never wanted to hurt me.

Quoting AMarineLovesMe:

I am so sorry hun.   It definitely does sound like he's already made his decision, and you said his other ex's and kids - as in more than one other woman out the with a kid by him?  Seems likes a trend if you ask me.  I know it hurts, and it's going to be hard, but stay strong, if not for yourself then for those babies!!!  Keep your chin up momma!


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