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clingly little boy and need ideas as to why (kinda long, sry)

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 1:39 PM
  • 7 Replies

 Ok... My best friend, who is like my sister and I love her so much is in need of some advice... So, I figured I'd try to help her out by getting some of your opinions and advice.

Her little boy will be 2 in march and his daddy just recently left. A few weeks ago, they decided to split. I, personally am so happy for her b/c she was misurable in that relationship (one of those where you just can't escape and you really want to but are scared...if you know what I mean) and he wasnt the nicest to her either... I guess we will call him *Dick Weed*, me and my b/f didn't like him much and got tired of the crap he would put her through. Well... In the past few weeks, she has been talking to a couple of guys and has had a couple of guy friends to visit her. Ok, some of what is going on here. (trust me, she got over dick weed pretty fast, gladly, lol)

We have noticed that her son is seeming terrified that she is going to leave him... she can't even walk down the isle in a store with out him squalling. Even going into the other room he screams and has to follow her, if she even acts like she is going to leave is screams and wants her to pick him up. (note: none of these guys or friends have been alone with her son... I know b/c she is pranoied of everything and wouldn't do that) On top of seeming to be terrified of her leaving, he is so clingy that she can't even get a breath... It hasn't been him, he's usually not that bad about wanting to be glued her so much. Its just wierd how he is acting...like he can't live with out her and its driving her up the wall.

We had a couple of ideas in mind, maybe that there are other men comming around that isn't daddy (she's not persuing a relationship, and its only been like 3 men all together, and one is just a friend... didn't want you to get the wrong idea... she isn't a slut,lol) And maybe he don't like it. Or that when he ges to visit his dad for the weekend, he sometimes takes him over to his parents or grandparents and just drops him so he can go and party... (well, she is putting a stop to that btw, if he is visiting his dad, he needs to be with him and not everyone else...) SO, we just don't really know what to think here... she is a really good mom and loves he son, be we are both worried about what he is going through, or if something is really wrong with him.

What do you think? sorry this is kinda long.

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 1:39 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Chaotic_Rayne
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 1:40 PM

bump! 

Nysa
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 1:45 PM

I don't really have any advice for you.  It doesn't seem that weird for him to be doing this.  Around that age children tend to have separation anxiety anyway, and than add to that having his dad leave, it is understandable that he is acting this way.  I am sure it is annoying, but I wouldn't worry to much. 

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Chaotic_Rayne
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 1:50 PM


Quoting Nysa:

I don't really have any advice for you.  It doesn't seem that weird for him to be doing this.  Around that age children tend to have separation anxiety anyway, and than add to that having his dad leave, it is understandable that he is acting this way.  I am sure it is annoying, but I wouldn't worry to much. 


My mom said something like that too... just didn't know if it could be somethig else aswell. My son wasn't even that bad.

coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on Jan. 3, 2010 at 1:51 PM

Your friend should talk to her pediatrician.  That seems to be the age when separation anxiety is normal so it could be that kicking in.  He might also be afraid that since his dad left, he might be afraid that she will too. 

She can try distracting him.  For example, in the grocery store, she can have him get an item in that aisle while she takes a few steps down the aisle to get something else.  When he learns to count, she can say "I have to go the bathroom, count to 10 and I'll be right back" or other things like that.

Her pediatrician can give her other suggestions.

miss_nevin
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 1:54 PM

I think its just because his dad left you know.. my son does that when is dad left the first him.. his dad is military.. and think its pretty normal.. he is scared his mom is gonna leave him too

MeVinceandBaby
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 1:56 PM

Awww poor kiddo! Everything you mentioned above is exactly the reason he's acting this way. He's already seen his father leave and is now seeing men who are NOT his father coming into the picture so soon. That is a huge adjustment for a kid to make, not to mention that this age is prime for separation anxiety issues. All of these circumstances are adding to his separation anxiety and I think she can help this by giving him constant reassurance, not just with her words but with her actions. If this means holding off on dating and having men over for visits, so be it. Just like she's gotten over his dad, HE needs time to get over what just happened too. The more he feels secure, the less he will feel the need to cling to her. She just needs to focus on building that security with him. Wish her the best of luck for me! Her little boy is so young he will bounce back from this so long as she puts in the effort :) 

Chaotic_Rayne
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 2:03 PM

 These are all good advice. I just feel so bad for her b/c she can't catch a break. Trust me, if you knew this girl before she had her son, you would be proud of her too. She tries so hard to make him happy and comfortable and I, personlly, think he's scared of loosing her b/c daddy went away... kids are smarter than we think sometimes, lol. Like I said, she isn't having a guy over every night or constantly out on dates or anything. But I gess I can see where he is acting like that, he don't want to loose his mommy and dosn't understand why there are other men around sometimes. Last night when she came over, he didn't even wanna play with my son in his room (Mine is 3 and kept trying to get him to play. It was kinda heartbreaking as his attempts faild... poor baby)

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