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Not really sure what to say or do if anything at all :( (mild cursing) ETA Info in replies

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:21 PM
  • 13 Replies

My SO & I do not live together right now. We use to up until Aug of 08 but then we were fighting alot and I decided to move in with my parents. Well in Oct he moved out of the duplex we shared together & in w/his parents. well we take turns spending a few nights at eachothers parents house with a few days to "break" in between. Well this past week (Sun 12/27 until today 1/3) I stayed at his parents house with our 1 year old DS for the entire week bc his parents went on vacation. We had a great time, no fights or arguements. Well they come home today and he wanted me to stay another night w/him bc he didn't want to come stay at my parents house bc "it's boring." I told him no bc his dad was drinking and is a total ass when he is drunk & I didn't want to deal with that. And he proceeds to tell me that he needs a break from us and he'll see us on tuesday. So I get pissed and tell him that he can't just break whenever he wants to. He has a family and needs to act like it. He's 27 and doesn't need "buddy time." We are suppose to move back in together when we get our income tax return but I don't know how we are going to make it if he can't even take being around us for a week. Also we have another child on the way that's due in June. What's he going to do then when he can't have "his" time bc we both are going to be working opposite shifts just to be able to make it and have 2 LO under 2?

I just don't know what to do or say to him to make him realize that he should want to be with his family. I spend every moment with our son bc he is growing so fast and pretty soon he won't be our only child. I want to make these last few months count, kwim? It just seems like we are second to him and he is first. Like he is selfish. I'm not saying he is a bad dad. He is a great dad but he can only be around our DS and myself so long before he starts a fight or does something  on purpose so I leave or make him leave.

Have any of you been through this before? Did your SO change? Any advice? Or do you ladies think my hormones are totally getting the best of me and I need to think about this in a different perspective? Thanks ladies!!

CafeMom Tickers


CafeMom Tickers

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JulyBabies
by Platinum Member on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:23 PM

I am an "all or nothing" kind of person and this arrangement would not work for me

LoganandLily
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:24 PM

bump 

pageantgirl3
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:26 PM

I'm sorry hun, I don't have much advice because my hubby is always around. BUT I do have 2 that are 11 months apart so feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to about that.

Heather : Ask me how you can lose weight!

ERNAProud
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:27 PM

I think your SO is a buttmunch.

I think he wants you to do all of the work while he reaps the benefits (**ahem** sex) any time he wants it.

Stop giving him the milk for free, he does not deserve it.

And he IS a bad dad IMO. A good dad doesn't mind spending time with his SO/wife and children.

-KenzieTaylor-
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:30 PM

Sorry but if my hubby was like that me and our child would leave cuz if he can only be around me for so long then i dont want him. we even need our break from eachother every now and then but it may mean i go shopping for a bit and he plays with his tools but at the end of the night we are in the same bed and under the same roof.

ERNAProud
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:33 PM

Yeah. Me and my DH need a "break" sometimes, but he will always take at least one of the kids and he is right back in a few hours.

If he EVER called me and told me that he was staying at his moms house for the weekend I would come unglued. I would have his stuff packed and ready to go when he did come back.

Quoting -KenzieTaylor-:

Sorry but if my hubby was like that me and our child would leave cuz if he can only be around me for so long then i dont want him. we even need our break from eachother every now and then but it may mean i go shopping for a bit and he plays with his tools but at the end of the night we are in the same bed and under the same roof.


TalonMaree
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:37 PM

I think you deserve alot better than what you are getting. I don't have any advice but if I were you I would eliminate the situation...and him. Good luck.

  


"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring"

raegansmom
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:38 PM

I am not really understanding your living situation?  But that aside, IMO you both are entitled to "me" time.  If he wants to see his friends he should be allowed within reason.  But the same goes for you, if you want to go out with friends, he needs to man up and take care of his child.  I think it is unreasonable to ask that neither of you have a life outside your family.

blessedmama518
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:46 PM

Thats so tough, but I understand what your going through. My SO and I used to spend every minute with each other (with minor breaks to goto work) now, ever since I got pregnant. it seems like he is always MIA. Like today, I asked him if he was going to stay at work long tonight because Im off and Im going to be bored at home by myself. He said no he would be home after work. He's a bartender and was supposed to get off at 4pm. He texted me at 3:30 and said he was going to watch the Cowboys game. Its now almost 8pm and I still haven't heard from him. Granted the game ended about 30 minutes ago, so maybe I should give him time, but I don't understand why he just couldn't watch the game with me. I love football. Or in the very least invite me to come up to his job and watch the game with him.

We still have a really good relationship, but I think pregnancy just weirds men out for some reason. I do realize that we are more emotional and more clingy than normal, but it just pisses me off that he is okay with leaving me at home alone all day wit nothing to do. We live together too and need a break every now and then, but this is becoming a weekly habit. I'm personally gonna try and ride it out through football season and see if things change...

Maybe that's what you should do. If you love him and want to be with him (and he feels the same about you) then ride it out. Sounds to me like he had a tantrum earlier and he didn't get what he wanted which was to spend time with you and the baby. I personally think its bull that he doesn't want to see you until Tuesday, and would say something about that, but give him his space for the night maybe to get over himself. And then just talk tomorrow. I think that its always worth it to communicate during a relationship (especially during breaks). So talk to him once hes calmed down a little but, but bottom line, if you love him, dont give up.

JMVITT
by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:47 PM

I dont' know what to tell you.  I wouldn't have let this situation go on for more than 3 months.  3 months is plenty of time for him to know if he wanted to be a fulltime dad or not.  Sorry your going through this.

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